The Jackson Family Online

We have a snow day today. It’s another one of those days where if we were living in Michigan this would not be a snow day…but that’s alright with me:). Yesterday afternoon I had to deal with a couple of students who had enough attitude issues that a day off might just be what I need. That could be a whole blog in itself and I was tempted last night to type it…but the truth is it probably doesn’t matter and not worth the effort in me putting it out there and I’m sure you don’t want to read about it. So…I deleted.
I’m up early though because I wasn’t sure, didn’t get a phone call about the snow day like I usually do so I had to watch the schools all scroll through on the tv in the hopes that we might be on there. Of course when I turned on the tv they were in the b’c or c’s just after Alton would’ve been on:). Oh well, I’m just glad I didn’t get around and go to school and then realize it.
I’ve been watching season one of The Gilmore Girls recently. I enjoy watching the mom and daughter interact, in some ways I think that’s how my kids and I interact and she’s a single mom so I find that interesting. She only has one daughter so the dynamic is a little different, but still. I think the series was out a long time ago but I never watched it when it was on tv. And I’ve kind of gotten to where every once inawhile I like to just watch a whole series or season on tv over a week’s time, so nice to not have any commercials, amazing how much faster the whole thing is. I guess I could probably do the whole thing with tivo but I’ve never quite advanced to that level. My tv still has an issue with having a black rectangle that comes and goes on the screen, especially on channel 4 if that makes any sense but we have discovered that if we watch a dvd and turn the tv off and on once the movie has started the black screen will usually go away. My kids I think would like me to just get a new tv…and I considered it for a moment…but no we’ll live with it. A lot of my financial issues over the years have been the fact that on an impulse Mark and I thought we ‘needed” something when we probably could’ve just “lived with it” more. So…I try to be a little more careful, every once inawhile I remind myself that it’s not as if I have a back up plan…it’s just me with a job, just me with an income so…I better not mess it up. I know big expenses are on the way or at least I’m told…college for the girls, cars probably…teenage years in general. I’m just trying to be wise about it all, praying to be wise as it’s not my natural self by any means. I am thankful for God’s provision in our lives and like I said if the worst thing that we have to deal with is a black rectangle on our tv screen…well I think we’ll live:).
So…I could head back to bed and I might…or I could enjoy some quiet moments before the girls wake up and take a nap later…that sounds tempting too. The nice thing about snow days is I don’t have any plans already made, the day is a blank slate and I can fill it however I choose. The house is still in good shape from the weekend go through, school stuff is caught up…so today should be a nice relaxing day around my house. This now means that we will have to come back to school one day after Memorial Day for one hour but I’ll try not to let that cloud the joy of today:).
Hope you have a great day!
Tonight for me is small group….beyond that no big plans.
Love,
Ruth

After I typed the whole “dont’ know who is playing at the superbowl half time show” yesterday. I went and discovered that it was “The Who” and MaryAnne I had the same thought go through my mind as you’re comment. (Who knew:). My girls weren’t impressed with the half time show…they kept saying when are they going to have somebody play that’s not old, that we know their music. I assured them that I’m sure many people do enjoy The Who…but apparently…not us. We didn’t watch the game anyway. The advantage to having no men in the house…we put on season one of The Gilmore Girls and had a girl night:).
I didn’t even know who had won the game until this morning. Hope you all had fun at your Super Bowl festivities. For me being at home last night was bliss:).
So…it’s back to another week of school. Yesterday I counted up and realized we only have 7 more weeks until Spring Break…that doesn’t seem too long. It will be here before you know it. When I went grocery shopping this weekend I picked up a couple small pots of red and pink tulips…so pretty on my island table in my sunroom and makes me feel hopeful that spring is just around the corner even though snow is coming down at the moment. We’re supposed to get 3-5 inches…who knows maybe a snow day tomorrow. I don’t mind snow as long as I can hang out at home.
Tonight we have no big plans which is nice as the rest of the week we have stuff going on every night.
Not really much to talk about today…or maybe I’m just not awake yet. Right now I’m reading a book about C.S. Lewis written by his Step son so that’s kind of interesting getting to know more about the man behind so many good books. I always enjoy that kind of thing. I can’t help but wonder whenever I see somebody in concert, or read a book, etc. what that person is really like. I know it’s none of my business but it makes the whole thing much more 3D for me if I can not only read or listen to something but also know a little about the person behind it. All that to say I’m enjoying the book.
I’m also reading a book about a man traveling all throughout Europe by train…figured it might be good for me to live vicariously through someone else’s adventures before I take my own.
I’m probably reading about five other books as well…but those are the two that jump out in my mind. Have any of you read a good book lately? Sure was tempting to swing into Borders on Saturday night after the kids and I went to see “When in Rome”…but we didn’t, I told the girls we all have more than enough books at home that we haven’t read through yet…so no point in being tempted to pick up more. Lauren talked to me about getting together with a friend to go shopping next weekend and I had to remind her that we’re not buying anything this month and she realized that wouldn’t be much fun then. Amazing how trained we are to going to stores when we really don’t need anything…it’s a reflex action I guess. But so far we’re going pretty good.
This next weekend instead of getting the girls anything for Valentine’s Day (I have no hubby…so I tend to get them something usually), I’m taking them on Saturday to have a manicure and pedicure…so that will be fun and hopefully be a good memory for them.
By the way…Lydia did mellow down yesterday after a little while and we had a great rest of the day. Sometimes she just gets me stoked, she raises the level of emotion and if I’m not careful I can jump right in there and try to match it. Parenting sure keeps one humble and dependent on the Lord!
Love,
Ruth

It’s Sunday afternoon…another huge pile of laundry is almost finished. I always think that I’ll stay on top of it throughout the week, but the next thing you know five loads are piled up on the basement floor it seems. I need to clean my front room today. Everything else is in pretty good shape. Yesterday I took the time to go through some of LYdia’s clothes, she’s been growing so her pants, shorts were needing to be gone through, and I went through my kitchen as well…got rid of some dishes that I never use, just don’t see the point in hanging on to it if it’s never going to be used. Then the girls and i went through all of our jewelry (nothing of any great value mind you:)…you know how it is with girls you acquire quite a pile of bracelets, earrings and other stuff…so we were able to get rid of a good amount of the rubble and now can actually see what is left in an organized fashion. I’ve basically decided that while we’re not adding anymore stuff…we’re also going to pitch some stuff along the way and in the end probably end up about where we need to be.
Today Pastor Mark talked about money…about materialism, tithing, etc. I was glad that God had already been addressing the stuff issue in our life so it just felt like confirmation rather than condemnation. I’m starting to give Lauren an allowance, she really wants to have more responsibility in that area so decided it was probably time. She’s never lacked for anything…but she’s at a point where she would like to save, spend and be responsibile more for handling the whole process. I’m sure that it’s something that she’s ready for in fact probably would’ve been ready sooner than now, but better late than never.
This morning in sunday school we talked about Moses, the story of Joshua fighting the battle and them winning whenever Moses arms were up in the air…and how Aaron and Hurr had to come along and help him keep his arms up. We were supposed to think through who we identified with in the story…I found myself identifiying with Aaron and Hurr, I don’t feel like I’m in an intense battle at this moment, I don’t really see myself in a Moses position of leadership…but I do feel that God wants and needs for me to notice those around me who need encouragement and help holding their arms up that are in leadership. So…I’ll do my best.
Lauren’s sunday school class is going to bring questions next week, any question that they want Matthew (their teacher) to try and explain. Her question that she wants to ask is “How do I know that I’m going to heaven?” Ah…I remember that struggle when I was her age. Trust is something that grows over time. I asked her…”well how do you know that you’re going to Europe this summer” to which she replied…”I don’t”. I asked her if I’ve ever said we were going to go someplace before and then we didn’t…it hasn’t happened. I asked her if she trusted me when I made a promise. And then we talked about God making our “travel arrangements” for us and how we can trust Him. His promises are not empty. I didn’t try to resolve the whole issue for her. I think it’s one of those that every person has to work out with some fear and trembling. But I’m glad that at least when it was brought up in class today she had a question come to her mind…at least her mind is engaged.
Lydia is currently in her room for an extended period. She is like a wild stallion sometimes. And she’s 11 years old. I try to imagine what it will be like when she’s 15. I get weary of trying to break her in. I’ve made statements to her that are strong but I feel like I’m constantly having to call her bluff, to yank her chain, to remind her of who’s in charge. I feel that if I can’t get her to understand that basic concept…than how will she ever be able to obey God, to submit to His will in her life. We seem to go around this mountain every weekend lately. I guess it’s just the stage of life we’re in.
Anyway, no big plans for the big game tonight. I think we’re actually going to just stay at home, relax, and probably have an early to bed. It’s just not that big of a deal to me. I didn’t even know who was playing in the game until Lauren told me this morning. I’ll probably try to catch the half time show…although I have no idea who’s performing.
Hope your Sunday is great!
Love,
Ruth

I just had the wierdest thing happen on facebook. I thought I would check out what people had posted lately, honestly I guess I was just killing some time and all of sudden I have a message pop up from Pastor Ben where I can chat online with him. I assumed this meant Pastor Ben from The Bridge…which was fine, in fact I’ve been wanting to tell him how happy I am for The Bridge on being able to purchase a building for their church and how the girls and I would like to come some Sunday when they get all moved in etc. But it wasn’t the Pastor Ben I know…it was a Pastor Ben from Uganda, Africa. So I immediately began searching through my friend list wondering how in the world I would’ve gotten connected with him and discovered that we have no mutual friends in any way…so how would he have gotten my name…I clicked on the add friend thing awhile back again because I was assuming it was Pastor Ben from THe Bridge…obviously I should’ve been a little more discerning. The Uganda Pastor Ben is at an orphanage in Uganda and was very nice/polite. But the whole time I had this wierd feeling about it all, maybe because I had made such an extreme error in thinking I knew who I was talking to. I ended up deleting his name off of my friend list…part of me feels bad about that…if he is a pastor and all and a head of an African orphange in Uganda…but part of me just couldn’t reconcile the fact that I have no idea who he is and whether or not I want him to be able to have access to things I might post or receive. It was just kind of wierd…and yet kind of neat in a way that possibly I just talked with a man in Uganda while sitting at my little computer desk in Illinois. I know more and more people are joining facebook…I haven’t yet been able to allow Lauren to do it simply because of this kind of stuff…still seems a little far out to me, a little unprotected at times. Who knows…maybe someday Pastor Ben from Uganda will walk up to me in heaven and say…’Hey…haven’t we met before…” and I’ll smile and know that I had an encounter with him on earth over facebook.
Just had to tell somebody,
Ruth

I was literally in bed last night by 6pm. I didn’t go to sleep until just after 7pm…but wow I never thought my Friday evenings would look like that. It used to be that Mark and I would maybe go out on Friday night and more recently that the girls and I might have gone out….but I was too tired. I did finish a book about the holocaust, I always enjoy books based on real history. Beyond that I tried to watch tv with the kids and could tell I just couldn’t stay awake. Told them what time to go to bed and said I was calling it a night. Can’t imagine what I’ll be like when I’m 80 years old:). I knew I’d end up waking up early this morning but figured it would give me some quiet time before the girls got up that I would enjoy.
We did make the brownies last night…and the pudding is instant. Our brownies are unusually rich I think but I couldn’t find the chips so got the Andes mint candies and probably put in more maybe than I should’ve …who knows. just know that they will be very moist, rich brownies…I can make the sacrifice:).
I looked out the window this morning to see the snow that we were supposed to get, it went back and forth many times with some saying 3 or more inches expected, but in the end I think we got about an inch, mostly rain. I’m thankful that my awning over my back door and the thing I put over the drain seem to be helping so that I don’t have any leaking in my closet anymore…hallelujah!! The spring will be the true test but I’m encouraged that maybe the problem is taken care of.
So…here goes another day. I’ll work hard today I’m sure…but also have times of rest, I could see myself taking a nap later in the day, reading a book, watching a movie possibly, and doing a lot of housework inbetween all of that. It will be a great day to be at home, when you don’t get those days everyday the ones you do get are treasured!
Have a great Saturday,
Love,
Ruth

When I went to bed I put my phone by the bed…in the off chance that we might have a snow day today…Clearly the weather people were a little off as so far we’ve had a bunch of rain with no snow…not that I want snow…but at least that would’ve looked pretty in comparison with rain and grey. Oh well…at least it’s Friday and I’m half way through my day…it’s all down hill from here:).

No big plans for the weekend except the usual move stuff around, clean the stuff and reorganize the stuff for another week…the good news…at the Jackson house we have not added any stuff to our house this week…and I find that to be a good thing. Now to make it through the weekend without any mindless trips to a store will be considered an achievement to me.

I plan on watching a movie or two this weekend, reading a book or two and doing housework all in my comfortable, warm cozy home. I’m looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow and to a quiet weekend.
And…drum roll please…my girls and I are going to make my sister’s recipe for mint chocolate brownies…doesn’t that sound wonderful!! Or at least if you’re a chocolate mint kind of person…clearly I am. Here’s Mary Anne’s recipe just in case you need a pick me up this weekend at your house:).
1-4 serving size chocolate pudding (make as usual with milk)
1-chocolate cake mix (dry)
1-bag of Andes mint chocolate baking pieces (or in a pinch…you can get the boxes of the Andes candy and break them up…(you might need to test them out a little at the same time:)

Mix pudding as instructed. Add cake mix to pudding, then add baking pieces. Bake at 350 for 35 minutes or until done. You can also use raspberry chips or any other kind of chip.

God is good…have a great weekend!
Love,
Ruth

It’s 9:45pm and my day is just getting to the point where I’m at home and can sit and relax…of course if I don’t go to sleep soon I’ll never make it through another day tomorrow. And that’s how life is isn’t it…the days keep coming in quick succession, one right after another…not that I would want time to stand still…and I’m not trying to wish time away…but once in awhile I feel like getting off the merry go round if you know what I mean:).
Tonight Hearts at Home was a welcome reprieve, so nice to hang with ladies my age…ok they’re all married…and I’m not but that’s ok…was nice to share heart to heart, to be real with one another and pray for one another. When I’m with other Christians in those kind of settings I can’t help but feel God with skin on which is an incredible gift that I’m grateful for.
All day today I’ve been feeling like I’m on the edge of some kind of revelation, something that God wants me to write about, to process, to give thought to and it’s been one of those days where their has just been no time to do that, frustrating for me. Because I’m always afraid that if I don’t write it down, get it going in my mind then I’ll forget the moment and have missed out. So…here goes.

In my small group with Lori we’re going through a book called “Breaking Free” and right now we’re dealing especially with looking back and tracing who our grandparents and parents were/are and how that’s effecting us a generation or two later. I think I already mentioned some of this on a previous blog…but the point is it’s got me thinking about my childhood more than I usually would…thinking about why I am the way I am, who I am…etc. Which led me to thinking about clothes…I know that sounds dorky but they signify something to me. When I was a kid and we went to church we wore our Sunday best which meant a dress or a skirt. We never and I mean never would’ve worn pants to church especially on a Sunday morning. It was unheard of in our home. And obviously some of that is the fact that it was a different time (we’re talking the 1970-1980’s here). If we got to wear dress pants to church on Sunday night that was an extreme luxury. We never were allowed to wear shorts to school…my big moment of rebellion was when I was a senior in high school and we got to wear graduation robes the last day or two of school and I wore shorts under the robe…talk about being on the edge:). When I was a kid my mom even ironed our sheets, she ironed everything! I can remember ironing my dad’s hankerchiefs. It’s just how it was. Now I only iron under extreme duress and when I absolutely have no other choice…and my sheets…well let’s just say I’m the only one who sees them so who cares:). The point is, their was a big focus on making things look good on the outside. I’m not saying this was a bad thing…nothing wrong with looking nice…but it is very different from who I am today. I also remember that their were certain conversations that were had at our home, that we were told to not talk about in public…and I understand, I mean I have certain conversations in my home that I wouldn’t want broadcast either…but the thought of us going to church and letting on in anyway that things were anything but perfect at home was not acceptable. My dad was a pastor…I’m sure that was part of it, but I also think that’s just the way things were. You didn’t talk about things that were outside the box. Things like boy girl relationships…etc. were not brought up in any form or fashion…I can’t tell you how naive I was, my daughters knew more than I did as a 16 year old when they were in elementary school, I’m not saying this is all positive, I mean we love for our children to stay innocent as long as possible. But what that innocence cost is we never did get around to talking about real life stuff. I have conversations with my kids that I don’t remember ever having with my mom and dad. And maybe we’re making our kids these days grow up to fast…but they definitely know that mom is a cracked pot…and for the most part I’m ok with that. The whole point is…appearances were everything. I’m not saying their wasn’t any substance to back it up…we had family devotions every day, we’re in church at every opportunity and I would credit my parents strongly for giving me the foundation that has kept me rooted when all else has broken loose ( you know the word I was thinking of…but again…I grew up where appearances mattered so…you’ll just have to use your imagination on that one:).
The thing that happened out of all of this…or at least one of the things that came out of it, is that I felt that I needed to be perfect…found out that I couldn’t be no matter how hard I tried…dealt with the consequences of those imperfections and I’m finding that I’m a person who is much more comfortable and can live out my faith in an authentic way when I have a pair of old jeans on with some holes and a worn in hoodie and bare feet…or maybe slippers. I’m talking figuratively here to some degree (although I would actually wear that everyday if I had a choice). In my life I feel like God has taken the years of my adult life to strip away the notion of perfection, the notion of having it all together, the notion of having the answers…and I’ve been left with an authentic, holey, cracked, real life. And the amazing thing is that I think I got the best end of the deal. The holes in my life…the failures…the job firings, the marriage struggles, the loss of Mark, the parenting struggles, financial bad choices I’ve made over the years…and I could go on and on…but basically all of the stuff of life that doesn’t go the way you planned it…well those things have all left holes in my clothes, my outer shell of perfection…and now my life fits like only a pair of worn in jeans can fit. I’ve found that the grace of God that we sing about, that I sang about my entire childhood…it was all just shiny veneer on my life until I had a few holes that God allowed to happen to me…then that grace slipped under the surface and I experienced it in a way that I could’ve never experienced it with the look good, talk good, mentality. In the bible it talks about counting it all joy…and I’m amazed at how when you start to embrace the holes in your life…the stuff that has gone terrible, the stuff that you had control of and the stuff you had no control of…when you start to not only accept it but to actually embrace it and welcome how God is going to use it for His glory…those holes allow the living God to not only live inside of me…but they allow more of His grace to seep through…and at the same time He is meeting my needs…His grace that I’ve experienced seeps on to other people…When we’ve been there…when we’ve struggled ourselves how much more ready are we to extend grace to others. Not that you can’t care about someone without having walked in their shoes…but truthfully until you’ve been broken, cracked, experienced a few holes how can you really love the way God wants us to love…literally with His love.
I’m finally coming to a place where literally and figuratively you get what you get when it comes to Ruth…there is no shiny veneer…no flashy presence…no making a great first impression…I’m just who I am holes and all. I’m not obnoxious about it…but I can tell you this…I’ve blown up at my kids more times than I would like to recount, I’ve struggled with impure motives and thoughts…do on a regular basis to tell you the truth, I’ve been fired from jobs, I’m a husbandless wife, I’m a teacher a mom a sister, daughter and friend that tries to be there in time of need but often isn’t. I could go on and on…but the fact is I am saved by grace and nothing less. And I’m so thank ful these days when I sing Amazing Grace…it’s just like having water poured over me that seeps into every pore of my being. I think as a child before too many holes were in my life…it just pored over me without me giving it too much thought. I’m thankful that I memorized a lot of the bible when I was a kid even though it didn’t have a whole lot of meaning to me then…because now when my heart breaks the right verse comes to me at the right moment…just like it’s been sitting on the surface of me waiting for an entry point. Brokeness can be embraced. That’s surely not a thought that is common with the world. Plans changed can be a gift…that’s surely not a common thought from ordinary Ruth:)…failures, mistakes, sin, etc. and all of the holes it leaves in it’s wake…can be used, in fact will be used for God’s glory as long as we turn all of that stuff over to God.
If you see me at church these days…it’s usually in jeans…unless I have to be on the platform and then I still have to go back to how I was raised at least to some degree…I pull out some dress pants (the dresses and skirts, the few that I have hang in my closet collecting dust…). More importantly these days regardless of where you see me…you get the real deal…I have no need to impress…no need to look good…I love to share what God has done in my life…I’ve experienced His grace and as I have and do…hopefully it flows out on to those I’m around. Holes lead us to holiness…we’re set apart. When we can rejoice in our weaknesses, share our real selves, than we are nothing like the world and we give every opportunity for God to shine through.
Those are my thoughts today. I tend to write and process things through visual pictures like clothes today…but I hope you get the deeper message. I know it’s not pretty…just ask my kids…I’m not nearly as collected as my mom was when I was growing up…but they’re getting the deepest/ real me they can possibly get. I think one of the most beautiful things about living in community with other Christians is being able to share the messes of life…and to track the faithfulness of God through it all, to share mistakes and failures and to be able to sit under the waterfall of Grace from God together, to be honest with one another and be encouraged that you’re not alone.
Time for bed…the next day is already knocking at my door…I can feel it. I want to tell it to go away, I’m not home…but somehow it seems to just come on in anyway:). At least it’s Friday.
Love,
Ruth

We’re reaching new heights of having a hard time getting around this morning. We’re supposed to get a couple of inches of snow tonight…probably not enough for a snow day tomorrow but I think we could use one at my house and it’s not as if we’re staying up way late…We just seemed to be wiped out.
Read my devotional this morning about Saul and David. David could’ve chosen to kill Saul easily but didn’t because he acknowledged him as God’s anointed even though Saul was repeatedly trying to kill David. If anybody had a right to act, a reason to want to end the torture so to speak David did…But He trusted in God’s timing instead. And basically scolded the person who was with him for thinking anything different. Got me thinking…about the word “justification”. I think most of us can justify anything we want to justify. I do it all the time…Justify why I buy something, justify how I spend my time, justify how I eat, justify my actions at work, justify how I interact with my kids, justify my lack of giving, justify my calendar of activities, I can justify just about anything. And if I had been in the same situation as David I can almost guarantee that I could’ve justified Saul’s death…I can just imagine the three bullet points I would’ve focused on if anybody asked me about why I had done it:). And yet justification doesn’t seem to be how God wants me to live…He seems to want me to let Him be sovereign and to follow Him. I have a feeling whenever I start that process…justifying, that pretty much I’m a cooked goose…if you have to justify, if you have to hide it, if you have to give three points why you did something…pretty much I have a feeling you and I shouldn’t be doing it.
I was challenged to think this morning about my “enemies”…if I’m too quick I can easily say…oh I have no enemies, I guess I picture some great feud between two families, or some great fight on the battle field. But my devo this morning suggested thinking of big and small enemies…ok…well I might have a few, a few people that I wouldn’t mind if they crashed and burned (Figuratively speaking of course:), the devo encouraged me to honor them instead. Well if that isn’t crazy I don’t know what is:)…I think I might just try it.
My back hurts this morning…maybe I’m getting old and can tell the weather by my creaks and groans:)…I just want to stay in bed, or at least stay in my pj’s and be at home…but soon I will be going to school for another day. Dentist appointments after school and then my Hearts at Home 30’s group tonight where I’m supposed to speak about tea cups (it’s a speech I’ve done before…). In reality I kind of just want to go and say…my life is basically a mess…if your’s is too…maybe we can sit and talk about how God is working through the mess…how God is making us holy through the holes. I’ll stick to the script…that’s what I’ve been asked to do…but the other is what’s really on my mind.
Have a great day!
Love,
Ruth

It’s Wednesday, half way through the week and I guess I should take some comfort in that…I”m trying:). Woke up last night with a terrible headache…it’s incredibly frustrating to lay in bed knowing that an hour of lost sleep is going to really hurt in the morning…so you lay there thinking about how much you need to get back to sleep which prevents you from falling back to sleep…I guess I eventually wore myself out of that whole process and collapsed once again.
Yesterday…the guys in my choir weren’t doing so hot…it’s so hard to get middle school boys to sing out and they’re always out numbered compared to the girls…so I ended up making a few uncomfortable and maybe even upset with me as I was trying to encourage them to sing. I’m hoping today will be a better day for that situation and that God will give me some wisdom.

The whole stuff thing…the girls and I have been talking quite abit about it…we just had a group go to Nicaragua from church and of course they came back telling how poor everybody is down there and of course it tugs at everybody’s heart strings, which is normal, should be that way, that’s a big reason why we even take people to third world countries, to open the eyes of people to real poverty. That being said…I think it then becomes way to easy to associate no stuff with a life to be pitied….and those of us who have stuff coming out our ears to be associated with a life of bliss. I have not always found this to be true. Just look at the celebrities in our country…who could possibly have more stuff and rare is it that their personal lives are anything good. Yes basic needs have to be met for their to be a sense of safety and security…but I think you can live on a shoestring and have joy…in fact in some ways and in some countries it may be easier than living on our surplus and trying to keep up with the Jones and living in debt that’s out of control. If we were all honest with each other…we’re not nearly as free as we would like to think we are…most people carry signficant debt, like having a monkey on your back. Throw in how much we eat out, etc. and then you have the health issues that go along with that. So…I guess my word for today is to keep in mind what’s on the outside only goes so far…there is so much more going on below the surface and that’s what real life is all about. Who knows…maybe those in other countries should be “pitying” us…just a thought.

Tonight is Lauren’s drum lesson…beyond that an early to bed I hope. Believe it or not we’re already getting class lists and schedules ready for next fall…that seems hard to believe. But February is flying by and I find myself hoping that we’re ready for contests in March. Those events are my least favorite.

Last night before I went to bed I was reading another chapter in an Anne Lammot book and I have to tell you I was broken hearted by the end of it. I understand that we’re not all going to agree on things and I’ve enjoyed her books anyway…the stories are funny and real, the truths that come out worth thinking about. But some of her political views and views on hot button topics are really out there. Or I guess I should say they’re really out there for this midwest girl. Anne is from the San Francisco area. And she is very Pro-choice. I don’t think abortion is the only issue that God cares about…but I can’t for a moment believe that God is pro-choice. It broke my heart as she wrote about having abortion (s) which led me to wonder how many she’s had…and in the same sentence to talk about her son and I know she loves him…but to act as if the abortions had no effect on her whatsoever and that she was almost doing them afavor by not allowing them to enter this life. Then she had a chapter on assisting someone who was terminally ill die. I’m all for allowing those terminally ill the pain medicine that will help them go in comfort…but to actually set up the time and day of death…boy that sure gets into some scary territory to me. I guess I’m just telling you all of this because if you happen to choose to read one of her books…keep in mind that you will have to do some sifting through it…take the truth and leave the rest. She never talks about hell and that concerns me…she tends to write in a way where I get the feeling that she believes that it’s o.k. that we’re messed up (which I would agree with…all have sinned) but in the process she can’t seem to believe that anybody would perish regardless of whether they’ve made a personal decision to let Jesus be the Lord of their life or not…this doesn’t seem like truth to me…I have to come back to the fact that Jesus said “I am the way, the truth and the life…” Just know that if you pick up one of her books which I do really enjoy…you will be forced to sort out what you really believe…for me that’s worth the process and something that I want to do…but not everybody is going to feel that way I’m sure.

Lori and I had smal lgroup last night which was good…we’ve been going through a book called Breaking Free…and we’re starting to get into some interesting territory for me…looking back at your grandparents, your parents and seeing why you are the way you are…what passes down from generation to generation (and taking an honest look at what I’m passing down to my kids) good and bad things pass down, personality traits, etc. situations and circumstances that change the course of who you are…abuse, etc. doesn’t just effect the one person involved. For example…I can tell you this…I’m still dealing with slavery in my classroom everyday at school…I’m amazed at the resentment, anger, etc that is present and I think it comes from generations ago and as crazy as it sounds is still something that needs to be healed in many african american people. We white people tend to think, what’s the big deal…I mean we weren’t around then…but it is a big deal…it all passes down. The bible talks about this…so anyway…I’m interested in learning more about who I am and why I am the person I am…not for someone to blame…but so that I can get a better picture of the life God wants for me.
Something to think about.

Have a great day,
Ruth

It’s Tuesday, thought I would let you know just in case you weren’t sure:). Another day of school…tonight I have a music meeting after school and then later small group with Lori. Tuesdays and Wednesdays for me tend to be my fullest days. Nothing real big going on in my mind at the moment.
This morning my devotional was about Samuel and how the people wanted him to anoint a king. I was asked if I could identify more with Samuel or with the people…it took me a minute to think about it and be honest with myself…I think I tend to probably be more like the people…looking around at others and wanting my life to match theirs. My age old struggle is watching people who have the freedom to be stay at home moms, wives and even writers and craving that life for myself. The devotional mentioned that I should “practice feeling ok being different from other people. If you can view that difference as special or chosen. Relax with a sense of God’s hand on you.” I’m glad the book asked me to practice it and not to have it mastered:). I was also asked the question “What would your life look like if you trusted God to give you what you need, regardless of how odd that may seem when compared to other people’s lives?” I think that’s a good question to ponder. So…today I’m feeling special and chosen to teach music…to make music with kids using rhythm sticks (highly exciting:)…I’m feeling chosen to teach music to my choirs at school and more than the music I’m feeling chosen to teach life skills…life principles that will hopefully last a life time for the kids I come in contact with. I’m feeling chosen to encourage my coworkers around me in their lives as well. I’m feeling special that for whatever reason God thought I would make a great widow. I’m feeling chosen that God believes in me to be able to handle covering the home bases and the work world as well. I mean hey…maybe I am special after all:). Ok I’m practicing that line of thought anyway.
Hope you have a great day!
Love,
Ruth

Mindi…I’m with you on the rearranging and reusing in various forms. In fact any furniture I add to my house anymore has to be able to serve multiple purposes as I never leave it in the same location for long. It’s crazy in some ways…but I save myself a lot of money by rearranging frequently:). I always enjoy reading your facebook comments Mindi:)