The Jackson Family Online

Quick update…Mark is doing better every day. Today his chest tubes and heart monitor were taken out and off. He walked down quite a long hallway and back with Jeff Hall cheering him on the whole way:). He had a sponge bath and was up and down numerous times sitting and then laying down. He also continued to be picked and prodded as you always are when staying at the hospital but overall it was a day of seeing quite a bit of improvement. His pain has improved greatly which is an answer to prayer and his incision is healing good. His surgeon thinks that he is doing great and frankly so do I, I have never been more proud of Mark and I have seen him display real courage in the face of it all. Tonight the girls came up for a visit, brought with them the biggest balloons they could find in the gift shop. It was so nice for Mark and I to be able to be together as a family, just the four of us. He prayed with each of us individually and then the girls and I prayed for him. A beautiful moment. Had visits from Joe Cunningham, Chuck Miller, Mark and Kathy Schafer, Jeff and Missi Hall, and Pastor Ben. It’s been nice to receive a few visits here and there. If you come up to visit keep in mind that Mark will most likely fade in and out of conversation, he may fall asleep and keep in mind that a short visit is just as meaningful and more managable for him and for all of us as a long one. Mark is very apologetic so be prepared for him to keep telling you that he is sorry…I guess he is just very aware of how he needs a lot of help right now. I have appreciated Pastor Ben coming and simply reading scripture at bed time over Mark, and praying for him. Pastor Ben has been through a lot of difficult situations himself between his dad with cancer and Julie his wife being very sick, and it is obvious that he is sensitive to the situation, I thank God that we have a pastor who has walked in our shoes. Tonight Pastor Ben suggested putting a poster up in Mark’s room for people to write a note if they visited and Mark was sleeping or just because they wanted to leave a note of encouragement and I thought that was a great idea, so feel free to do that. Tonight Mark’s brother and his dad are staying with him through the night. Tomorrow (Saturday) I will be staying with him. It is one of my last nights that I can…since I go back to school on Monday. Please pray for me, this is really difficult for me to even deal with right now. Our parents are going to alternate nights from Sunday on til Thursday when I go on Spring Break. I have appreciated their help and comfort in this time. We have still not been able to connect with the Radiation Doctor but hopefully will be able to on Monday. I’m guessing right now that radiation will start by the end of April. We’ll have to wait and see. Due to the fact that Mark will have to go back and forth to St. Louis for numerous trips (probably five days a week for six weeks) I will be contacting people to line up some possible driver rotations for this time. Our parents are wonderful but…truthfully this is a time when we need as much time as possible for just the four of us and can not handle having any parent just move in for that time period. That has been one of the most challenging issues for me in this process, needing help but also needing time to be a family. I hope this makes sense. And honestly we have a lot of questions to ask the radiation doctor before we are committing to even going through this process. Quality of life is definitely an issue…didn’t think I would be having these kind of conversations but don’t know how to deal with it except to face it head on. Please know that I have never loved Mark more and that I am in no way letting go of him. Truthfully I’m finding that it is an act of worship to God to be able to take care of Mark. I only wish that some of my past attitudes thoughts and feelings would have been better. It’s hard not to look back and wonder how much of the 21 years I have been with Mark I have taken for granted. But I guess that is how we all live until we look death in the face. So please…take a word of advice from me…don’t take anything for granted, serve one another with unconditional love, take every opportunity to be forgiving and live at peace with one another. Make the most of every opportunity, don’t let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth. I know it’s hard to grasp this unless you live through it but I can tell you honestly, if God chooses to allow me to have many more years with Mark I guarantee their will be changes in how we both choose to live. I only regret that it has taken having to get in this position for us to realize that. I am cherishing every moment with Mark these days. Just give it some thought, you never know what your going to face in the coming year, Mark and I would have never dreamed that this would be our story, but it is. I continue to choose to believe and trust that God is able.

Love,

Ruth

When I woke up this morning at 5:30, I had the song in my head “Be Lifted Up”. It’s a promise keeper song and one we sing at our church once in awhile. The words are Be lifted up, belifted up, as we bow down be lifted up. Let the heavens rejoice, let the nations be glad let the whole earth tremble for you are God. Come and worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness…as we bow down be lifted up. It spoke to my heart today…to think of God being lifted up through us bowing down and the whole earth literally trembling because God is God. At this point no matter what a miracle is going to happen. Either he will receive a physical healing because that is our only option at this point or he will receive the ultimate healing of going to be with God. Please know that at times Mark is scared but for the most part he is very at peace with it all. The reality is that pain, the kind of pain he is experiencing is terrifying. However, I have seen such a peace in him, a submission and tenderness. And in this hour his greatest desire is to see someone special in his life come to know the Lord. Please pray for this to happen. Anyway, I’m getting ready to head back to the hospital…I needed the sleep last night but I’m anxious to see him. I miss him. The girls are doing alright, they’ll come up later today, we’re having many conversations that frankly two little girls shouldn’t be having to have but here we are…Our motto has become “I will choose to believe”. We discussed last night how we can’t live on our feelings, we can’t decide that God can do or can’t do a miracle based on what we feel, but we can make the choice to believe no matter what. Elisa my email address is marruth1992@yahoo.com. I would appreciate any info you might have. The thought of going back to work on Monday right now is overwhelming so…for today I’m going to have to put it out of my mind. Taking one hour at a time…

Love,

Ruth

A lot has happened in the past two days. It’s hard for me to even know where to begin. Tonight for the first time I actually typed and then deleted it all and started over. Haven’t done that in the previous 70 blogs. The instant verse that came to my mind tonight is 2 Corinthins 4: 8 “We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair. persecuted, but not forsaken, struck down but not destroyed…” Truthfully the blow we have taken in the past 36 hours has been incredible. So much more than I could have ever expected. Mark’s surgery was short because they basically took out his left lung and then realized that they couldn’t do anymore for him. Like Todd said, the cancer is wrapped around blood vessels, wrapped around his esophagus, penetrating his aorta and I guess the biggest shock for us was that the cancer is even attached to his heart. It is not curable. The only thing they can offer is radiation and more chemo. When Mark went into surgery, he was in an incredible amount of pain and to be honest was feeling like he just couldn’t take anymore. When I got the news of the surgery results my biggest concern was the fact that I would have to tell Mark the results when he came out of the surgery. It’s hard for me to describe Mark after surgery, but I have to tell you overall I have been very impressed at his reaction. He is in incredible pain, has often been hard to even breath and yet has remained gentle and polite to all around, he has been so apologetic for anything that he has had to ask for, we have repeatedly needed to tell him that it’s o.k. Today when we talked he told me that he is “overwhelmed” but not “discouraged.” Truthfully I think that is a miracle. We are hoping to meet with his radiation/oncology/surgery team soon to discuss the reality of his situation. THere comes a point when we have to consider his quality of life and whether any of these options are best for him and our family at this time. Those decisions remain to be made, pray for us to sense clearly what our next step should be. His pain is getting better after the doctors have changed med’s and dosages several times. Praise God! This is such a strange time for us…we never dreamed that we would be in this situation and are trying to learn how to live now. I am faced with the fact of deciding how much to work. Fortunately I have the rest of this week off and only 4 days of school next week followed by spring break. Things have definitely settled in for the girls…they were so used of dad being sick but the seriousness set in when they got to the surgery day. It was a hard day. The awesome thing is that even though he was in ICU the kids got to go in and see their dad. In fact their visitation was very open. We had been prepared for the fact that this would not be so, but this was a very pleasant surprise. We appreciate your love, support, prayers, etc. We couldn’t do this alone. We appreciate the visits, comments on this blog, cards, etc. We even heard that on the local radio show 91.1 Mark was prayed for. A bit of honesty, without a doubt the news was devastating to us. The thought of Mark having to go through more is unreal. Just trying to take one day at a time, maybe at this point one hour at a time. So…hear we are. God please stand up and say “Peace be still.” That is my prayer tonight.

Love,

Ruth

 

Ruth called me at about 8:15 today and asked me to let everyone know how Mark is doing.  He is going to be moving from ICU to an actual room later this afternoon and she said they would get him up and make him walk today also.  She asked that we pray for the Doctors to get the pain medication correct, as Mark is in a lot of pain right now after the surgery.

All,

 Just got a phone call from Ruth, and the surgery is over.  I’m going to tell you exactly what she told me, without trying to make it sound like it went one way or another.  Please excuse my horrible spelling because I’m doing good right now to type….

 The doctors were able to get 4 significant portions of the cancer and also removed one of Mark’s lungs and some rib.  However, they also found that the cancer was going through his Aeorta 4 inches, wrapped around his esophegus, and in some other crucial places that they cannot remove it from surgically without risking or causing great harm to Mark. 

 So here’s what she told me is next.  Mark will have 3-4 weeks to recover from the surgery, and will then begin radiation and possibly Chemo later in an effort to prolong his life as long as possible.  This is the time when one of two things will happen… 1) God will miraculeously heal Mark and his cancer will be gone, something which I was told is out of reach of manmade medicine now. or 2) God will give Mark the ultimate healing by taking him home.

 Please pray for Mark’s family at this moment, as they have just heard this news and are still dealing with it.  And pray for Mark, because when he wakes up, he will hear it and react to it as well.

 -Todd.

Ruth just called to let me know that the doctors had just made the incision to open Mark up at about 11:06 am this morning.    That was all they had to tell her at this time, and she should have another update in a couple of hours. 
 

This means that the surgery has officially begun.  Keep up all the prayers during this very critical time.  You can even offer them as comments on this website if you wish to make them known to all of us that are intently waiting and praying even as the surgery continues.  I promise to quickly add any prayers or comments to the website after they are submitted.
 

 If you would prefer to keep your prayers private, that’s ok too, because the One that they are intended for will still hear them and they won’t be any less powerful.

Ruth just called and wanted me to let everyone know that they are at the hospital and that the surgery will actually start at about 10:00 am today.  Right now they are getting everything ready, and making sure that all is well to proceed at 10:00.  I will keep you updated as I hear more.

If you are reading this blog and have read every blog since this has all started…you have now read 70 blogs from me. Wow!! For those of you who know me closely you know that I have always wanted to write a book…I feel like I now have. Not that it has all made sense but hey…It’s just amazing to me that even in a crisis/”bad” situation God has given me a door to express myself and to fulfill a need in me that most of the time I feel I don’t have time for. Just thought you should know…

Ruth 

Real quick…Mark goes to the hospital tomorrow morning at 7am. He will be at Barnes Jewish, the South building in the surgery waiting area which is just off the main lobby. It will be an all day affair and Mark’s parents, myself, Lauren and Lydia, My parents, his brother Wayne and Pastor Ben and Scot are planning on coming up for the day. If you want to drop in to visit for a short time that is fine. Main thing…pray, and the good thing is that you can do that from anywhere:). Love you all. Can’t tell you how much your love and prayers, meals, support, gifts, cards, phone calls, etc. have meant to us. Looking forward to returning the blessing to all of you when you are in need!

Love,

Ruth

He who began a good work in us will complete it. We know all things work together for good for those called according to his purpose. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths, I will never leave you or forsake you. My grace is sufficient for you…Cast all your cares upon the Lord for He careth for you. Lo I am with you always, Taste and see that the Lord is good, The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want. (This is just a sampling of the comforting verses running through my mind today) Thanks to all of the Sunday school teachers, clc teachers and my parents for helping me to have scripture in my mind by memory just when I need it. For those of you teaching children…fill their minds with scripture…

Also…my dad has always said “You can’t out give God” I wish I could sit personally with all of you and tell you how true this statement is. God has provided more than we could ask or imagine as we have tried to be faithful to Him. To God be all honor and glory!

Hi all,

Well the family pictures went very well yesterday, the flowering trees were just at the right point and the weather was great, all designed for us I’m sure:). We had fun taking them and Stacey did a great job. The girls thought they were models. THen Grandpa and Dan came home and put together the girls trampoline, those kind of projects are always a job but they had success. Today is back to school. And I want to tell you I have been feeling a little discouraged, communication wise but in the last 24 hours have sensed a change, a God change between Mark and I. Thank you for your prayers. Called today about his MRI test and found out that nothing was wrong or showed up abnormal…Praise God. Mark’s brother Wayne is on his way down to our house as I type and is planning on staying through Saturday. My parents head out this afternoon and will arrive tomorrow morning. Thank you to Buntenbach’s and Scandrett’s for opening their homes AGAIN!! God is so good. Wayne and Monica from the Bridge provided our dinner yesterday, thanks!! And please know that if I mention your name on this blog it is not because I’m trying to embarrass you…I just want people to know how God is providing for us and how His people are stepping up. This is the way the body of Christ is supposed to operate. Mark seems a little more optimistic in the past 24 hours and again I believe this is a God thing. So…I hope you all have a great day and I’ll update tomorrow when we find out the surgery time.

Love,

Ruth