The Jackson Family Online

O.k….I know I already blogged today but…during worship this morning I experienced a new feeling, a new experience and I guess I just wanted to write about it to process it through. In the first few months after Mark died…it wasn’t incredibly difficult for me to see how his life and death, how my response to it all, etc. was having a huge impact on a lot of people, drawing them closer to God and in a sense even though I was desperately alone all of a sudden, it seemed…just knowing that people were effected and life change went on there was something to hold on to. Something to keep the “why” questions at bay I guess. I realized this morning that almost 5 months after his death I’m realizing that again life keeps moving on. The impact, the experience, whatever you want to call it is not felt as strongly now or at least not as communicated and people obviously move on to whatever the latest struggle is in their own life…and this is all understandable. So…this morning I realized that when it all quiets down and life moves on and I’m no longer really hearing back from anybody (this is my perception, remember I’m dealing with feelings:) that I’m the one left permanently effected. I knew it would feel this way I guess…I mean I’ve seen others have loss and I’ve felt it and been involved in it for awhile. But eventually life keeps moving and some other event or tragedy occurs. In the mean time I think I had myself a good old feeling sorry for myself moment this morning in worship. Obviously worship should be focused on God and I tried with all my might to do that but it was a struggle for me this morning. Sometimes I think “was the only way that you could achieve your purposes God to make it be something permenant?” I mean a job change, that’s hard but a temporary adjustment, moving to a different location even hours away from family and friends, difficult again but one adjusts. I guess bottom line as long as I had Mark with me I could have moved to timbktu and survived. So I listened to “Be Lifted Up” this morning in church and made every effort to focus but all I could think about was the funeral…haven’t heard that song since that day. By the last song I was doing a little better…but today for me was just coming to GOd and handing him my broken heart…and I don’t know how Hillary knew but as usual she sat by me and when we were done singing asked “Did you give God all your hurt?” Wow…it was as if she had read my mind. And yes I did, and yes I still believe God is good. I’m just lonely. It dawned on me that I referred to a boat earlyier with one/two paddles and how sometimes I feel like I’m barely keeping afloat becuase I’m using one paddle these days but in truth I was reminded that God has been more than faithful to handle the other paddle:). I am moving forward living life to the full as much as possible and if it wasn’t for Him I know I would just be going around in circles.

I guess I just wanted to give you a glimpse into my heart and mind today. I think the struggle may always be there it just has different feelings on different days and as time goes on moves into a different phase. I’m definitely in a period of Waiting on the Lord. Being a person of action…I tend to struggle in this area. But am trying to be at rest with what God is arranging for me and my future.

Big thanks to Hillary for some gawdy jewelry today for my birthday…gawdy in a good way…I should have gone ahead and put it on at church…when I got home and put it on it instantly made me feel better:).

Love,

Ruth

Good Morning…well I’m another year older today…another year wiser hopefully:). Thankfully as with most of you I’m sure, Mark and I’s birthdays have not been huge occasions with lots of expectations so the fact that this day is like every other day is just fine. That was something I had to come to terms with early in our marriage:). Yesterday I got a pedicure done and that was a wonderful gift to myself…it’s amazing what they can do at that place:). Did a little cleaning, always have some of that to do at home…in preparation for parents arriving and then the girls and I went down to Fairview heights…no real reason except that we had been given a Boston Market gift card back in the spring and hadn’t used it yet so we went and walked around the mall there. It was a nice time for the most part and we loved the Boston Market restaurant, good food pretty reasonably priced, in fact we brought home enough leftovers so that we are going to eat the same meal today at lunch for my birthday lunch. The girls enjoyed making candles last night, we hadn’t done that before but they had a store where you could choose your scent, and color of cubes of wax to make a candle. Lauren made a green and blue Vanilla Coffee scented candle, Lydia chose two smaller candles, one applie pie and one cotton candy. The girls also bought a small hand massager so we came home and gave each other back massages which was nice. All in all a pretty good Saturday.

Probably my greatest struggle at the moment right now is just the fact that it seems like the girls are at the age where it seems like one or the other is upset about something too much of the time. Mark used to call it a “tag team”. Where you get one o.k. and then the other has some major upset happen. It’s nothing new and it’s not even anything unique to our family, but it’s just plain out exhausting at times…can I get an amen:). As much as I love living where we live and I love my job, church, etc. sometimes I wonder…it would be nice once in awhile to have the kids go spend a weekend at their grandparents house like my other brothers and sisters do with their kids. I know the kids would love it too. For you parents out there without family in the area I’m sure you know what I mean. And then add into the picture that Mark used to obviously be able to give me a break from time to time. Single parenting is not easy even with the best of kids, and please know I know that I have awesome kids. I also have wonderful people who watch them after school and for me to go to small group so I’m grateful and in no way am trying to imply that I don’t have support. My life just involves being with kids all day long at school and then coming home and being with kids all night and weekend. And Saturday for me is often a stressful day with the girls. Maybe it’s the expectations or something…it’s as if all week we anticipate having a whole day together and then once it get’s hear it gets upset with silly/frustrating problems. Having said all of that I think our day was pretty good yesterday and I also know that we are no different than anybody else in this area…I am in no hurry for the girls to grow up and leave…I’m not wishing the time away…just trying to make it through the stormy seas and sometimes feel like I’m rowing my boat with one paddle these days instead of two. I can do it…it just takes some adjustment and a little more effort on my part…and occasionally I’m getting the girls to pick up the other oar and help paddle the boat too. I’m thankful they are at the ages they are, they are a big help around here:).

Anyway, have a great Sunday!

Ruth

O.k…I know I already wrote for the day, but occasionally I feel this need to add one more thought:). For some reason I got it in my head tonight that I should just look back exactly six months back on this blog from today and see where my life was at that point. I didn’t even realize it until I brought it up on the blog but exactly six months ago was the night before Mark’s surgery. It was the last time Mark got into bed with me. It was the last day that I was sure that Mark’s surgery would take care of the problem and he would make it. It was literally the last night of some kind of normal. Obviously at the point I would not call our lives normal but still after the surgery was when everything completely escalated. It’s strange what the mind does to you…sometimes that seems so long ago and other times it seems like it was just yesterday. I feel as if I’ve lived through so many thoughts, feelings, experiences since that moment. I can’t believe how I’ve changed and how my life is forever changed. For some reason I guess I just thought I should share that with all of you…

Ruth

I thought about writing last night when I got home from small group but was too tired…So it’s currently Thursday and I’m sitting at parent teacher conferences at my school. This involves about four hours of sitting around…it’s been nice to get some things done and ready for my upcoming programs but since I also have some time on my hands I decided to go ahead and write.

I am so grateful for the people in my life who I am completely honest with and who guide me along through my journey with God. Sometimes God speaks to us directly but sometimes it comes through a close friend, someone who knows you and is seeking God themselves and last night Hillary did just that for me. Lately…I have been having more times when I have been crying on my own…maybe when I go to bed, in the car, etc. Now it’s not unusual for me to cry…even before Mark died I have always been an emotional person…but this crying has been different. It’s been a deep cry, and I hadn’t been even able to describe what I was feeling. The kind of cry that takes your breath away and you’re not sure what is even going on in your heart and mind. At the same time Lauren and I have been having more run ins lately…she’s between being a kid and a teenager and I’m sure it’s all normal stuff but it seems as if some of the choices she has been making lately have made for too many tense moments between us. I’ve mentioned this before but I’ll say it again…Lauren tends to have a lot of similarities with mark’s personality…she definitely has her own uniqueness too and I can even see parts of me in her but still she has a lot of mark in her. While this is an incredible gift to me I hadn’t realized until last night that the areas that are tense between us…the areas where she struggles are very similar to the situations and issues that Mark and I dealt with, obviously not exact but somewhat similar. Hillary was able to help me realize that even though this past summer I had dealt with accepting the past for what it was and allowing God to redeem the things I regret in my marriage…with the struggles Lauren and I have been having it had reopened that wound. Now obviously Lauren is not Mark but still a mother daughter relationship can be tense enough at this age then throw in a mom who has a tendency to hold a pretty high level of regret and grief for similar issues and you have a pretty high level of stress and emotion. I hadn’t been able to see it but I’m thankful Hillary with God’s help did…she helped me to again lay the past to rest and to take that part out of the equation with Lauren and I. Lauren’s love language is affirming words which again is very similar to Mark and although I have always tried to make conscious efforts to make sure my kids know they are loved I guess I want to focus in more on affirming words with lauren in the coming weeks…I need to learn the lessons from mark and I’s relationship but then part of the loss is that I have to be at peace with what we had and not carry the weight of wishing that I had done some things differently. One of the biggest lessons I learned from mark  is that if I could do it over…I would love more extravagently…pure and simple…I would be more lavish with my love. I would focus more on trying to develop 1 Cor. 13 kind of love…Love that always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Dont’ get me wrong…without a doubt Mark and I loved each other. and by all accounts I think most would say, even Mark and I that our marriage was good but still…I want to have learned something from the loss and one area I guess I want to be more aware of is loving my kids extravagently, this doesnt’ mean buying them lots of stuff…in fact…I think it means having talks regularly with Lauren…and for Lydia I think it means lots of hugs and cuddle times. I’ mpraying that God will help me to know when to look over stuff and when it’s a necessary time to confront. I don’t want to back down from dealing with the issues but at the same time I guess I want to know when to ease up. I hope this all made some kind of sense. It was just good for me to realize that so much more was going on inside of me than just a parent/child struggle. I was carrying a load of regret and grief into the issue…

I am incredibly grateful for the godly women who hold me accountable in so many ways…they are God’s hands and feet to me and help me think His thoughts.

I hope you’re having a great day…

Tomorrow’s Friday which is always nice…we’re going to take in the football game down at Granite City with Wayne and Monica Kopchak…their son is in the marching band and plays the drums…a great opportunity for Lauren to see where she’s headed in a few short years:)!! Saturday…for my birthday this year…I set up my own special moment just for me…I’m getting a pedicure done, and after all the mulching, landscaping I’ve done in the past two months I would like to say this is a luxury but truthfully my feet are in such bad shape I almost feel sorry for the poor person who will have to work on them…Anyway…besides that no big plans for the weekend, just trying to get food in the house and house ready for company…Siding is coming next week…hope all goes well.

Love,

Ruth

It’s kind of funny really…I used to wish that I had a few close friends…people who would hold me accountable and I could do the same for them but always struggled to find the right fit…and now I seem to have accountability everywhere:). I’ve become a part of a ladies small group on Sunday nights at Emmanuel about finding your “sweet spot” (based on a Max Lucado book). And I’m enjoying that class…it’s big so not exactly in depth and personal however, I’m enjoying meeting some new people, and getting to know old friends better. I’m also realizing more and more who I am and who God made me to be. I’ve also started another accountability relationship that just kind of happened without even really trying…Lori Peuterbagh and I went out to lunch one week and have gone out once a week for three weeks now and plan to continue. The Bread Company is fast becoming a great Tuesday lunch place for us and I’m enjoying our unique friendship and ability to be open with one another. I’m also part of my regular small group with Hillary and Amy at the Bridge which if you’ve read this blog for long you know goes without saying has been a life transforming experience for me…they’ve gotten me into the Word big time! I’ve also started an accountability relationship with my sister Becky over email back in Michigan. We answer those same ten questions that I’ve posted before every Thursday and it’s great to have that connection as well. For a person who used to struggle finding even one accountability relationship I seem to have an abundance at this time in my life and I’m incredibly grateful again at how God has provided support for me and given me opportunity to build into others lives as well! If you are not in a regular accountability relationship…whether it’s a small group, an email contact, a friend you go out to lunch with every week, etc. you need to get into one, I can’t tell you how these ladies have changed my life this year and I hope I’ve had a good effect on them as well:). We were never meant to journey alone!

I’m probably no different than you but lately I’m finding that during the day when I’m sane and logical I am experiencing a lot of God confidence and assurance…occasionally in the night however, fear would like to creep in. It’s bizarre…it might be through a dream or I wake up and suddenly get a little worried about someone or some situation. Etc. I honestly think it’s an all out attack becuase when I’m alert and aware with God’s help I can just kind of bounce that stuff off but at night when I’m a little more irrational sometimes fear would like to take hold. I’m so thankful that I’ve been in the Word more lately in the past year. I can’t believe how many times the right scripture comes to my brain and I know it’s either there from childhood memorization or because I’ve just read through that section of the Bible. I found myself quoting last night “The Lord is my light and my salvation…whom shall I fear, The Lord is the stronghold of my life of whom shall I be afraid.” And it really was amazing the peace just saying that out loud brought to my soul. I wonder if you all experience the same kind of things in the night…

This morning on my way to work…I was listening to FFH singing “One of these Days”, for those of you who haven’t heard the song, it’s about heaven. I listened to it about three times, found myself asking God “Are we almost there…” Just like a kid in a car going to a far away place. The whole picture of being on a road trip to my final destination is something that I mull around more and more in my mind all the time. I’m fascinated by the lessons learned by normal road signs we see everyday. I’m amazed to think about how much planning I put into a trip and to think that God has every detail of my life planned out is awesome, gives me instant peace. Somewhere in my mind in some deep recess of my brain I have a book brewing about the Journey of a Lifetime…we’ll see where that goes.

Anyway, hope your tuesday went well, Lydia is still loving the violen and she’s adorable playing the thing…I need to video tape her so she can watch her humble beginnings 10 years from now. And Lauren is doing so well on the drums she could even keep in beat and play along with the CD tonight:). We all went swimming tonight. Before going I set up a kids pottery wheel for Lauren. I guess I’m feeling brave…or actually I just love Lauren enough to want her to develop her God given gifts…she’s an artist at heart, the messier the better and she doesnt’ just want to paint or draw she wants to have the whole body experience…the texture experience for her is what does it for her. I couldn’t believe it at first but when I was dumping the wet dirt into the raised flower bed this weekend she suddenly wanted to help…it dawned on me she was just wanting to get her hands into it…it’s a bizarre thing but she is very sensitive to touch. So anyway…we’ll see how the pottery thing goes. Starting in October she is going to take a pottery class at out local art center in town. Alton sure is a great area for providing all of the extra activities the girls enjoy. Tomorrow is Lauren’s first private drum lesson…I’m sure she’ll do great and someday when I watch her playing on a worship team I’m going to feel deeply rewarded that I took the time and effort to nurture this gift in her. Anyway…we’re trying to gear up for a week with Bob (Mark’s dad) and my parents…they are coming this Sunday to work on siding my house next week. My dad is confident that it will only take a week…so if you drive by my place you’ll have to notice the changes:). It will be nice to have family in town. I feel bad that I will be working most of the time but I definitely appreciate them coming down and helping me out.

Have a great night, or day depending on when you read this:),

Ruth

Today Lydia had her first violen lesson and she is very excited to be able to play a few songs!! She is so musical it’s great to see her developing her gifts!! Lauren is also doing really well on her drum pad and the bells!! Nothing too big going on here tonight…going to bed early if all goes well. Hope your Monday went well!

Ruth

I didnt’ rest enough this weekend, and I can tell I’m going to pay for it probably the rest of this week. Could be that I should take the whole sabbath/rest issue a little more seriously…The list for the weekend is done but I’m not sure it was worth it…oh well, either way here comes Monday.

Was a busy morning…sang on the worship team so that involves getting around earlier but it was good. We sang Lauren’s song from the pictures at Mark’s Funeral, You are Beautful my Sweet Song, and also sang a song that says “Lord you are good and your mercy endures forever” The whole song declares how good God is and is also a fun upbeat song to sing…while I was singing it this morning I realized that I had sung this same song before the cancer…I sang this song with Mark sitting by me in a wheelchair and now I am still singing the song alone. Not that I am happy about all of the circumstances life has brought to me but Jesus doesnt’ change, he’s the same yesterday, today and forever and regardless I will sing and believe in His goodness.

I talked with a friend today…and I was really kind of surprised at the conversation about God. This friend and his family have become somewhat disillusioned with God and their faith since Mark’s death. They had prayed for healing, fasted, believed, etc. and are wondering why Mark wasn’t healed…and they are basing this on the fact that he was young, had two young children, etc. This friend is now dealing with the fact that bad things can obviously happen regardless of prayer, and they are having to rethink the whole “hedge of protection” idea that we pray safety over our kids and then they are protected from evil and harm. I believe this person is in what I would call a “crisis of faith” and they regularly look to me and the girls or at least watch us to try and figure out why we are not devastated and how we can still trust in God and love him. And this is not a person who is new to the faith…in fact I would call this person a church leader…I was dumbfounded by the conversation today. Do people really live under the illusion that we are in control, that we just pray for our kids and then nothing bad will happen to them…and if nothing bad ever happens to them will they actually ever grow closer to God. Or is that the goal anyway…I tried to talk to this friend about God and how obviously he is trying to take this person to a new level of faith and to challenge some of the old beliefs and ways of living but I dont’ know if any of that got through…He’s just trying to figure out how Mark’s death could have any good purpose…my mind can’t even try to wrap around that logic…how will I possibly know on this side of heaven what purposes of God have been fulfilled through Mark’s life and death and do I really need to know anyway, it’s enough just to know that nothing happens without God’s o.k.

So here’s the deal…it’s nothing too complicated but this is how it works…when you finally come to the place where you truly believe that God loves you enough and is big enough to orchestrate every moment of your life and when you finally see how little control you’re really in anyway, and you just lean in to God and let him have total control over your life, your kids, your job, your dreams, etc. you find that He is more than able to handle it…in fact true rest is found when I stop thinking that everything relies on my prayers and my faith to get my kids and myself through. Honestly…I don’t like bad stuff anymore than anybody else but… just look at history…people have given their lives and gone through more suffering than I can possibly imagine for the sake of Christ. God says we should expect suffering, trials, testing, etc. It shouldnt’ take us off guard at least not for long. And when the emphasis of prayer is on having my prayers answered the way I would like them to be answered and if it doesn’t happen that way I’m devastated than I believe the emphasis is on the wrong thing. Besides…Mark was healed! Praise God! I guess I ‘m bringing this up becuase I’m sure that if one person is struggling with all of this probably their are more out there as well…Please…let go of the control and find the perfect peace and rest that come from letting God just do whatever he needs to do to accomplish his purposes…what’s the worst thing that can happen…I’m living for heaven anyway…Mark and I used to joke with the kids…they would act like something was the end of the world and we would say “Well that’s great…you get to go and be with Jesus sooner” the girls and I have added in “Dad too”. That usually gets them out of their mood or circumstance thinking that life is so bad…We hang on so tightly to this world. We hang on so tightly to thinking things should run a certain way and we hang on to our sense of justice and fairness in life…why? God had already been working on a lot of these issues in my life over the past fifteen years so when I hit this year, letting go and not having to figure out the reasons and answers to life has come seemingly easy, truthfully it’s been a load off of my back and mind to just rest in God’s goodness. This year has enabled me to reach a perspective where I find myself often thinking…why should I worry…what can man do to me anyway. And I’ve come to a place of knowing that God is so in control of every detail of my life that I can just go along for the ride. It’s like when I take the kids on vacation…I plan the trip, check the maps make the needed arrangements, have the needed resources, pack, etc. they just hop in the car and ride along and enjoy the trip. That’s what I’m doing…I’m on a journey, I’m not going to worry about where I’m going next…or about if I have enough $$, or if we just made a wrong turn, I’m not going to worry about my next meal, or where I will lay my head tonight. Just like I tell my kids…sometimes we have an adventure or two but we always eventually reach the destination and the good news is that God doesn’t get lost the way I sometimes do. I just want to take in the view along the way…enjoy the relationships of the people who are in the car with me and gain some wisdom from the driver. I’m at the point where hey I might just even put the top down on the car and catch the wind in my face…why not, I only will be going down this road once and I might as well enjoy the ride…all the while I have the destination in my mind, and I never want to get to preoccupied or too sidetracked to remember where I’m going.

I used to think I would write a book someday about the journey we take called life…I even went around taking pictures of road signs all over the place and wrote up various devotionals and thoughts based on all of the different signs we see on the road…didn’t quite get the book together but am reminded of it again tonight. Obviously Mark was in the car with me on my journey and while it’s hard that we’re not in the same car anymore…I do know that I’m going to come to the same destination. In the mean time…my life hasn’t stopped, it can’t, I have to do my best at this point to live out the journey mapped out for me personally.

I’m tired…have a serious headache and am going to go collapse in bed but I hope this all made some sense. It’s possible to miss someone and feel the loss everyday and yet at the same time to be at peace and in a place of genuine rest in my soul with God. The two can coexist and do. And my prayers…well they’ve changed I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again…I don’t pray nearly as much about susie feeling well, and johnnie getting a new job, and the latest health issues…not because I’m insensitive or think that God doesn’t care but simply becuase I honestly believe that the connection I have with God, the love I feel from Him, the way He has drawn me to himself this year are gifts from God and truthfully if my journey this year hadn’t involved Mark’s death I dont’ know if any of that would have happened. So…I could pray for comfort, safety, ease, provision, etc. and truthfully I might very well be praying complacency and self assurance and reliance into that person’s life, who knows…I guess I would rather pray that through any and every circumstance we might face this week that we would all be drawn closer to God and that we would have opportunity to bring him all the honor and glory He deserves. Their is such rest in knowing that my circumstances do not dictate my faith.

Anyway…

Love,

Ruth                                                                      

Today has been an unbelievably grueling day…no need to feel sorry for me…I bring it all on myself:). I cleaned thoroughly all morning while my daughters tried a new trick…I thought Lauren was still in bed or hanging out in her room only to go into her room and find the screen out of a window and she had snuck out this morning and the girls were out in the backyard playing again in their boxes…never mind the fact that the air conditioning was running the whole time and if they had wanted to go out and play they could have just walked out the door. I’m sure it felt like big stuff to be able to sneak out…however I assured them both if they ever try that stunt again we will be switching bedrooms, currently they have the bigger of the two rooms. (I should explain…their window goes out onto our front porch). Started my morning off with a bang right from the start…I ended up moving winter clothes to the front now and moving the summer back once again…I think it’s going to start to change weather this week and just decided I better get ready and see if anything needed to be replaced and I’m happy to say I carted off some clothes to goodwill that were too big for me:)!! I refuse to hang on to them because I’m not going back to that size anytime soon. The girls and I ate a late lunch out at The Bread Company in town which was kind of nice for a change of pace. They love the baked potato soup! Then we went to Lowe’s which has to be the girls worst store experience…they hate going there. But I had to get dirt and mulch (more again…) to fill the raised garden. I am beyond tired of carting the stuff but it’s a necessary evil to accomplish the end results. Next we ran to Walmart…where by this time I finally realized if I gave the girls things they had to find on my list they kept busy and stopped bothering each other and therefore stopped bothering me as well:). They seemed to enjoy that too. We were running a little late to get to Todd and Sarah’s house but I was sure I could squeeze in dumping the mulch and dirt into the raised bed…20 bags later and a quick sponge bath we ended up getting to the Linke’s about an hour late…oops! It seems that it all worked out though and we had a very nice relaxing evening there. Watched the new Survivor China, and a new show called Kid Nation. Thankfully Todd and Sarah know me well enough at this point that when they heard all I was trying to do today they made sure I had a built in break or I would have just kept working through. Friends are a gift from God! We made it home going on 10pm and I worked on the girls curtains for a little while…I think I need to go back to work to get a break…:)

Tomorrow is church…and hopefully the girls and I are going to put out our fall decorations…Lydia has especially been looking forward to that. Ran into Mark’s hospice nurse today at Lowe’s…kind of strange, haven’t seen her since May.

I was hauling those big bags of garden dirt today and doing more damage to my back than I know I should have and sure missed the help that I know Mark would’ve been. Of course, part of me even wonders if I would be working so hard on all this outdoor stuff if Mark was still here…sometimes I think I just pour myself into it as some kind of therapy or something. Not that I didnt’ do crazy stuff before he died but it’s probably intensified to some degree. I guess another big difference is…It’s not as if I’m going out on a date anymore  or anytime soon over the weekend…Mark and I used to make weekend plans and the kids and I still do stuff occasionally but it’s not the same. Anyway…I’m tired…and headed to bed. Hope you all had a great day!

Ruth

After yesterdays meeting of the minds with Lauren today Lydia and I went out to lunch and talked about her goals…so hence she is now the proud renter of 1/4 violen and is starting lessons on Monday. She is also going to continue with piano, ice skating, volleyball and swimming. Lydia is a big time music lover so I’m sure she’ll do great…she hopes to be a music teacher someday and I could definitely see her doing that or something with music anyway. Tonight they are back to playing with the boxes in the backyard, making club houses, putting the neighbor girls in the box and rolling them around:). No one has been injured yet anyway. I got my yard work done…mowed, put up the raised garden which was a little tricky on a hill but I managed anyway, and sprayed a bunch of roundup, why is it that wherever you don’t want stuff to grow it grows like crazy but where you want stuff to grow you have to baby it along to get it to keep going…

Anyway…I’m ready to chill, will probably watch a movie, Have “Music and Lyrics” at my house right now so I’ll probably watch that. After that I haven’t decided if I’m up for a late night cleaning spell or will wait til morning…we’ll see. Tomorrow night we are going over to Todd and Sarah’s house…he graciously taped Survivor for us so we’re going to eat dinner and then watch it together. It’s funny, this year I couldn’t even tell you what’s on tv anymore…I never watch it except for a movie here and there. Anyway…hope you all have a great weekend,

Ruth

Well yesterday Lauren and I had a really great lunch together…we had a meeting of the minds so to speak, a goal setting time for her. It had become obvious that I was having to do too much external motivation for her to accomplish her tasks and finally with some insight from God I decided it was time to stop the way we were going. I’ve witnessed in Lauren a perseverance that is unbelievable when it is something she wants to accomplish and I’ve also witnessed an apathy that is unbelievably frustrating when I’m trying to motivate her to do something she obviously doesn’t feel strongly about so…at 10 years old I decided it was time to start thinking long term and master on quality over quantity and that she had to take ownership of the things she was trying to accomplish so…yesterday we made a run to Halpin music, bought the official drum kit for school, bells and all, and set up private lessons…it seems that Lauren would love to play drums someday on a worship team in her church, over piano so…we canceled piano lessons…many thanks to Todd Linke for teaching her so far and I think she has a great start to being an awesome drummer in large part because of her piano training. She also has decided to focus in more on art, continue with the ice skating and swimming and she’s trying out volleyball in November, to end out the list for now she is going to try quizzing at our church…we had a talk about what kind of work this was going to take and although I would love for her to be memorizing the bible…I wanted to make sure it was her decision and that she knew it would involve work on her part. She said o.k. so…I feel that the ground work is laid for her to be the best in these areas that she can be and I feel more and more that the motivation is coming from her own heart. I just didnt’ want her to be doing things that she didn’t enjoy just for my sake. We walked away from lunch much happier and at peace with our relationship! And that’s a God thing.

Last night we had the joy of going to watch Danielle Gines play volleyball….if you know her and get a chance to see her play you should…she’s awesome and my girls loved watching her play, especially since they are both trying volleyball out in November. It was fun to hang out with Ron, David and Danielle for the night. And I was incredibly proud of Danielle, I was before tonight also but…it just confirmed it again:).

Hope your Friday is wonderful!!

I’m putting in a raised garden this weekend…I know that sounds complicated but honestly the kit I’m using is like assemblying large legos, shouldn’t be too bad, I need to mow and then I’m ready for a good old fashioned cleaning bee inside my house:). No big plans this weekend which is kind of nice really. Hope you all have a great weekend!

Love,

Ruth