The Jackson Family Online

I’m a huge multitasker and today has definitely been a multitasking kind of day:). When you work full-time, single parent, are actively involved in your church, neighborhood, major house projects, travel, have kids activities out the wazoo…well time is precious, often as precious or more so than $$. So…today over a quick break traveling from school to school, I got mulch ordered and delivered by this afternoon, 5 yards…yes I’m back to my mulching ways:). Then over lunch with the addition starting soon I felt that I needed to run through Home Depot and Lowes and get the details written down so that I could talk to Bruce about it all and be ready to head out on vacation knowing that everything was taken care of, so that involved choosing carpet, ceramic tile, two bathroom vanities, a shower stall, lighting, lighting, lighting…, paint colors, mirrors…etc. And believe it or not, I got it all done and I’m really happy with everything I chose and even found some good deals, which is always nice. I even had time to drop into The Bread Company for a quick salad and drew up the blueprints, with supplies labeled, over lunch so that I would be able to talk clearly to Bruce when we meet again. While I was at The Bread Company I had a spiritual moment:). First of let me just say, yesterday I was talking to Lauren and I mentioned to her that some people probably think that I should’ve just sold this house and bought a new one rather than adding on to an old house. She looked at me and said “but mom, this house is you.” She didn’t even have to think about it. I proceeded to ask her what she meant and she told me, our house is cozy, comfortable, and warm…well those are adjectives I feel good about and that I do feel describe me. I’m a fairly simple person at heart. This house also has the feel of a beach house even though we don’t live on water so…that helps too, as I’m a bit of a beach nut. So…back to the spiritual moment at The Bread Company. I was sitting there today, by myself so I had lots of time to people watch and think. I saw young couples meeting for lunch, one girl walked in, her husband had been waiting for her, she touched his face and kissed him and I swear their love was so obvious I could’ve almost reached out and touched it. I watched older couples sit and eat together….often with little to no words…sometimes I think after people have lived together for so many years they don’t even have to say things out loud, it’s mental telepathy or something. I watched several ladies out for lunch together, talking, laughing, eating, etc. I saw a few single people  here and there. I listened to the music in the background, noticed the warm colors of the decorations. And all the while I was eating such wonderful bread…I’m a bread lover no doubt about that. And I realized I love going to The Bread Company because just as Lauren said my house is “me” The Bread Company is “me” it’s warm and cozy, lots of good conversation going on, you can feel the love, the food is great, and sometimes I can even eat outside, bonus. The workers are helpful and actually seem to enjoy their jobs for the most part. I feel very comfortable there, and at lunch time if I came home to eat by myself, which I do occasionally it would seem strange, first off, if I’m at home I would be eating and doing something else at the same time (laundry, computer, etc.) but when I go to The Bread Company I tend to relax more. It’s a place Mark and I enjoyed going to, although I definitely go more now than we did when he was alive, but we were going more and more when he felt up to it so I have a feeling that it would’ve been a place that we would’ve called “ours” in time. So…what restaurant would describe, feel, smell, taste, etc. like who you are? We don’t go to McDonalds much anymore, since the kids are a little older but wow the last time we ate inside was a trip…talk about chaos. I like it peaceful myself.  And like I said I know some of you might very well think it’s crazy to add on to a two bedroom one bath old house on a small town lot…but I think it’s “me” and hey in a couple of months I will have a three bedroom, two and a half bathroom house with an enclosed front porch and a sunroom on the back…that’s definitely me:). And no grass to mow:).

Tonight was Lauren’s band concert…she did great, I knew she would:). The middle school principals came to visit her elementary school today and she came home a little freaked out…I’m sure their trying to scare some of the yahoos into good behavior, etc. what usually happens though is the good kids listen and they get freaked out, I assured her she wouldn’t have anything to worry about. Next year is going to be a major change for her…so far she’s really glad that I’m in her school…finding that to be a comfort, I’m curious to see how that all goes. I think honestly the fact that she is my daughter might help her come a little out of her shell once other kids connect the two of us…especially those kids in choir which is about 300 kids in the school.

Lydia isn’t feeling good tonight, came home went to bed after school, woke up in time to go to the band concert and is going right back to bed. Hopefully she’ll shake it by the morning, allergies I think. I started spreading the mulch tonight in between dinner and band program, got one side of the house done. I’ll finish tomorrow night if all goes well.

Hope your day went well. Today a year ago was the day the girls and mark made their build a bears. That was a really great moment for us as a family. I’m still grateful to Lori and Melissa for working that night out. It was basically one of the last somewhat good nights for Mark. Seems strange to realize where I was a year ago and where I  am today. I’m looking forward to taking Monday off of school, not sure what I’ll do or if I’ll do anything, just trying to see what hits me. I look at my house these days and realize their is so much Mark never saw of what we now live in, so many things have changed, and Mark and I hadn’t got to the place where we were dreaming about adding on…So part of me is happy that my house feels like “me” and part of me is sad that it doesn’t feel like “us”, and yet that is the reality of where and who I am at this point. It’s not as if I’ve forgotten, I never will…but it’s not as if I can keep him alive…the girls and I have to keep living, keep moving forward…where it matters, in my heart, he’ll always be alive…and truthfully he would love the hot tub I’m going to put in the sunroom:).

Hope your day was great!

Love,

Ruth

Hard to believe but another week is fast flying by. As much as I’m looking forward to heading out on our trip I’m glad I have some time to get all the details together and also have time to pick out the things I need to pick out for our addition. Today the weather’s been chilly but sunny so…I put down all the plastic so my yard is now ready to mulch later this week. Will be nice to get that done and looking nice again. The girls are happily playing on the porch again, it’s fun to listen to them when they don’t know I’m listening:).

Tomorrow night is Lauren’s band concert so that will be nice to go to. I’m proud of how well she’s doing in band this year. So no small group for me but that’s alright. Funny, growing up their were never any school functions on WEdnesday nights or SUnday, my how times have changed. Lauren’s been dealing more and more with the issue that her friends at school are not from Christian homes, the older she gets the more the differences stand out, and while that is a good thing in some ways as Lauren gets a chance to be a light, it’s also a hard thing when you feel like you’re standing alone. Our church is a half hour away from us so none of the kids who go to our church go to our school system here. For me, growing up my best friends were also my church friends…so Lauren is really struggling through that right now. She has a birthday sleepover coming up and she’s really debating who to invite…and truthfully as she tells me about some of the home lives of her friends at school I’m really leery about having her go over to their homes…and she’s a little uncomfortable with it as well. So…I can tell that’s just a conversation that we will have to keep open to discussion and figure out where to draw the lines on…I’m encouraging her to branch out with her friendships at school and not drop the old ones but to also make some new ones. She does know a Pastor’s kid in her room and she is starting to decide that maybe her and this girl have some things in common, they were on the same volleyball team so that helps. All normal stuff…when you have an almost 11 year old in your home:).

Nothing real big going on here tonight, just getting ready to run to the grocery store…and thought I would write real quick. Hope your Tuesday was great!

Love,

Ruth

Well here’s the next leg of the journey…after Las Vegas, which I just have to tell you a funny story about our hotel there…it advertised “Strip Suites” well my naive, modest, mind thought what in the world is that…sounded a little bit wierd to me, but my oldest was incredibly fascinated and so I thought I better check it out before she did just in case…all it meant was rooms that have a view of “The Strip” the main road through Las Vegas. I had to just crack up…it’s already one of those humorous stories that Lauren and I will be laughing about for years to come and we haven’t even hit the road yet:). Anyway…after Las Vegas we’re headed to Anaheim, to take in Disneyland. My girls have been to Disney world several times in Florida so they wanted to check out Disneyland in California. After that we’re headed up to San Francisco and staying right downtown, by the water, shopping, etc. I have this thing about cities, theirs always so much to see and do and if you stay right down town it’s usually all within walking distance. I tend to have a few adrenaline rushes from time to time about the whole thing but that’s part of the fun. Then we mosey up to Mckinleyville, CA to hang out for a couple of relaxing days in the Redwood Forest area, when I was telling Lauren about it she broke out into “This Land is Your Land” that girl sure has her dad in her:). After that stop we are headed up to Clackamas Oregon, you might wonder what’s there that we need to stop there,well actually it’s just south of POrtland and near Oregon City which houses the end of the Oregon Trail…so I thought that might be a good historical thing to see and learn about. And who knows maybe we’ll venture into POrtland if we feel like it. Then we drive up to Seattle to drop Mary anne and Jaimie back off at the airport and pick up my sister inlaw Amy and Her oldest Hannah. And that’s as far as I’ve gotten so far. I’ve been on the computer a lot…but it takes a lot of time to find the places I want us to stay at, that are reasonably priced and yet nice enough that I would want to stay at them, and of course the girls enjoy having a pool so that’s a priority:). So I think it’s going to be a great trip, a balance of planned and unplanned time, driving days and staying put days, nature, entertainment, history, etc. Next up on the things to do is a whale watching tour out of Seattle, doesn’t that sound exciting:). Of course the girls instantly think of the Titanic, I guess I shouldn’t have ever taken them to that exhibit:). Anyway…I’m excited as you can tell, and I think I might even still be able to blog from time to time on my laptop. We’ll see.

And it all is working out beautifully because my addition on my house is going to start in about a week and a half and so we’ll be home for the first few weeks of work and then we’ll be out of town for a month while they are still working on it. So by the time we come home, our house should have some major changes and the good news is that even though I’m going to be gone for a month I don’t think the house will seem empty and abandoned for anything bad to happen to it, at least I hope not.

I have to tell you this whole timing thing is so like me…If Mark was here right now he’d just be shaking his head. I mean a major addition and a major vacation all at the same time…well sometimes you just have to go for it, even if it isn’t quite what you had planned, at least that’s what I figure:). It’ll all work out and thankfully the addition stuff doesn’t require too much from me, some decisions here and there but no actual physical labor, at least not until I need to resettle the house when I get back but that’s doable.

So…that’s been what’s whirring around in my brain. Carole thanks for the tips on Albuquerque and if anybody else out there has been to the places I’m talking about feel free to give me some tips on how to best enjoy the time. I’ve never done this before so…I’m just winging it.

Hope your monday was great, only two more mondays of school left for me…woohoo!!

Love,

Ruth

Well I’ve been up since 4am, had a bad dream and debated about going back to sleep or getting up and getting my house put back together as I didn’t go after it yesterday much at all…due to the fact that Emmanuel’s service last night was about being disciplined…well you guessed it…I got up. So if you measure success by productivity which I often do (not that you should:)…it’s 6:18am and I’ve been very successful today already:). And I do have to admit I think it was one of those times when getting life in order is going make today a better day for me than another hour or two of sleep would’ve so…that’s where I am. I had the verse running through my mind “all things are permissable for me but not all things are beneficial…” that isn’t an exact quote but you get the idea…I woke up with a little conviction going, about how I spend my time…and frankly about the fact that physically I’m again struggling with the constant battle of getting in shape and losing the excess weight. So…I’m back at it, trying to set some small goals for myself and get going again.

Last night I reserved the first ten days of our trip out west and I’m more excited than ever, especially now that I’m seeing it all come together. We’re headed off to Branson first, taking in the Dixie Stampede, we’ve done it before but the girls were quite small so I have a feeling they will enjoy it and remember it all the more and they chose that over going to Silver Dollar City, so that’s fine by me. Then we are headed off to Oklahoma City and I have to say I love using Priceline for big city hotels…I can always get a really nice hotel for cheap which is fun, kind of like finding something great on the clearance rack at a store:). Then we head out to Canyon Texas…for a night to see the Palo Canyon, don’t know much about it but it looked interesting and then off to Albuquerque to take a tram ride up a mountain, where again priceline did well for me:). Our kind of extravagent thing is in Williams, Arizona where we are staying at hotel that takes a train to the Grand Canyon. I have to admit part of me just was willing to pay for the convenience of being able to enjoy the view without having to think about driving and directions and it was an inclusive thing too with meals, stay, etc. so I figured by then it might seem nice to have everything taken care of for two nights…and then we’re headed up to Las Vegas where again I pricelined and did well…we are staying at a place that looks really interesting, and that’s where I pick up my sister Mary Anne and her daughter Jaimie and I have a feeling that whole experience will be fun for a couple of midwest gals:). I think we’re even going to get to take in a show by STOMP which I’m excited about…so tonight I’m hoping to reserve the next leg of the journey. I’m thinking we could just skip this whole month of school and start now:). When we were headed to Six Flags on Saturday I had to remind myself that I had to come back home and not continue going west…I have a bit of wanderlust in me I guess, and I’m itching for some adventure.

Good news…Lauren’s Dare program from school is going to see a Cardinal game and I thought we had missed out on getting tickets (she didn’t show me the note…) but yesterday we were given three tickets to go anyway from a friend…it happens that it’s on my sixth grade choir concert night…ugh…but with some quick thinking I called Pastor Scott to see if he could take the girls…he’s a big Cardinal fan and he’s one of the guys I can count on to occasionally spend time with my girls so they’re all set up for a fun night at the Cardinal game. A nice surprise and an event to look forward to this month.

Well…I guess I should run and actually start getting ready for the day, seems like it should be lunch time already:). Tonight is violen for Lydia and then I need to do laundry tonight…that sounds exciting doesn’t it:). Anyway, have a great day!

Love,

Ruth

I started off this day early thinking “o.k., we played around yesterday so today I need to get my normal stuff done for the weekend to be ready for another week…” While I did pull it together for the children’s lesson this morning and everything went really well…the rest of the day, somehow I’ve kind of taken the day off, we dropped into Border’s…came home and I finished a book and then proceeded to take a nap and now it’s almost time for night church…I’m hoping I get a gust of umph when I get home so that I can actually get the laundry done and pick up a little. Today the whole relax/take a nap thing was just calling to me…that used to be in the sound of Mark’s voice calling to me…:).  The girls are having a ball playing on the front porch, they sure can play for a long time with their littlest pet shop or just playing “teenager” or “babies”…they have a vivid imaginiation and thankfully someone to play with.

It’s cooler and rainy here today, I here the farmers are having a hard time getting in their crops…I didn’t realize how wet the fields have been, it’s seemed nice for me doing yard work. For those of us at school it’s kind of a good thing if we don’t have perfectly ideal weather this time of year otherwise the natives get even more restless (that includes teachers as well as students).

Hope you Sunday was/is great!

Love,

RUth

The girls and I had a beautiful first day at Six Flags yesterday. The weather was perfect…unless you road Thunder Canyon and were soaked…but I didn’t fall for that one this time:). I don’t ride a whole lot…I don’t like to go around or on big steep hills…so that doesn’t leave a whole lot, I’m usually the parent sitting at the exit of the ride. And I accidentally forgot to throw in a book…so I did a lot of people watching. It’s always entertaining watching people at an amusement park, you pay big money to bring your family to these kind of places and then to see some of the grief that occurs is fascinating to me (not in a mean way of course:). Lauren was totally in her atmosophere of choice. I caved and got the girls $5 superhero capes, seemed to be the cool thing to wear at the park…I told them they’d just have to wear the same one everytime…for the summer. It was fun watching them put them on and suddenly their personalities got braver and they started acting funny, Lauren was sure she could scale a building in a single bound…well not quite but you get the point. The $5 was worth it. Lauren is having a birthday party the weekend of May 23, and she is hoping to bring three of her friends and Lydia is bringing one to six flags for her birthday. Should be fun…so we picked up a few capes for that too…easy party favor and I’m sure they’ll look cute all six of them walking around as super heroes. Amusement parks tend to highlight our incompleteness as a family in some ways, if I ride…then we are an uneven number so somebody is alone…if I don’t ride it seems like every other kid has a parent riding with them so the girls feel alone…as I sit I watch all kinds of couples walking around hand in hand, etc. so it can be a little bit of a hard thing…but a year later I have to say I can tell for me it wasn’t as hard as it was last summer when it was fresh loss and for me I think that’s a good thing. I will never forget, and never want to…but to have the pain be a little more of a throbbing sensation instead of a stabbing one seemed like improvement. Truthfully some of the couples I watched…I thought I was probably better off being alone…On the way home Lydia said “Mom…is dad really dead.” Now I know that sounds like a wierd thing to say…but believe it or not even a year down the road there are moments when it seems like this is still just some kind of a dream…I have the same kind of moments so I’m not surprised the kids do, once I again affirmed that yes dad is dead…she seemed to be alright or to at least accept the reality of life once again.

Today I’m teaching the kids lesson so I need to get all of my supplies together this morning…and then we are zipping home to get the house in order for another week of life. I would like to take in the movie “Expelled” but I don’t think that will happen today…maybe later this week. I might even take the girls since it’s rated PG, Lauren isn’t thrilled about the fact that it’s “educational” but I think honestly once she got there she’d enjoy it.

Hope your weekend is going well!

Love,

Ruth

It’s been a doozy of a day. Started off the morning in my before school choir giving the kids a talk on purity…didn’t plan it that way but it just happened as one girl was talking about her boyfriend who she hung up on the night before at 11pm on her cell phone because she was worn out…I mean at age 12…what girl and guy need to be talking that late in the first place, truthfully my view on the whole matter is until you’re ready to consider getting married…why date, why even have a boyfriend, which got me talking to the whole group about giving pieces of your heart away all over the place and how you need to save it for the right person…etc. Remember I teach in a public school…but I’m telling you desperate times call for desperate measures. Then today, we had solo tryouts which can get a little ugly at the sixth grade level. Everyone wants to get the solo and are totally hurt if they don’t and truthfully some kids have talent and some don’t, it’s just the way it is. So…I have a boy this year who is very talented in music, and not only that but is a wonderful all around kid and he almost didn’t try out simply because he was feeling pressure to hide his talent so everybody else wouldn’t get mad with him if he got the part, he was literally almost in tears…I held him after class and just had a heart to heart with him, Fortunately I know he’s a Christian, so I figured…why not go there with him, when God gives you a talent you’ve got to use it…and if others are jealous well…that’s their sin issue. As the morning continued on my team teacher for 7/8th grade choir pulled out the song “My Only Hope” from the movie “The Walk to Remember” if you’ve seen the movie than you’ll know what song I’m talking about, if not, and you like emotional movies…you should see it:)…in the story a couple develops however the girl is very sick…and I won’t tell it all…but the song is all about God and the sickness this couple is going through and after singing the song over and over about a dozen times (we were trying to teach parts to the kids) I found myself losing it…that’s a little tricky…singing and teaching at one moment and then realizing that I need to pull it together the next.

Lunch was good with Lori and the kids. The kids had a half day at school today so they hung out with Lori at her house for the afternoon since I had teacher meetings to attend. I did a new project at my house today that I’ve never done before, my toilet handle had cracked so I decided to replace it…and by golly I did it with success:). I also picked up some new seat cushions for my swing in the backyard and I even tried them out this afternoon. Their was a nice breeze blowing and I laid down and actually took a short nap being rocked in the wind by God to sleep…incredibly peaceful. Until the girls woke me up with an arguement they were having:). Back to reality…

Tonight Lauren had her first after school dance. I’ve got to say it was my first “dance” as well…I grew up in a time when Free Methodists didn’t go to dances. I didn’t go to prom, didn’t have a dance at my wedding, etc. That was a big taboo. So, it was interesting to watch the dance tonight with fifth graders. And very interesting to watch lauren and how she interacts with her peers. We had a really good conversation after the whole thing was done and without going into any details, I just want to give God praise that He is alive and lives and moves inside of us…He spoke to her heart tonight about things that I could have preached about to her over and over but in one night…of her heart being prompted by God she learned some incredibly valuable lessons. Lydia went over to a friends’ house to spend the night tonight. And that brought on some interesting conversation as the soon to be “dad” (they’re engaged but not married yet, but living together…) of the twin girls she is staying with drank two beers while Lydia was at their house during Lauren’s dance…Definitely a dilemma for Lydia…she was uncomfortable and God was speaking to her heart. I wouldn’t have let her go if I didn’t feel that she was going to be safe…and again a lot of good people, even Christians see nothing wrong with a beer or two…but there again it’s just been one of those lines that Mark and I drew in the sand of life. Mark had experience the negative results of alcohol growing up and didn’t want any part of that scene. In the end Lydia and I prayed about it and she decided to go. People used to tell me when the kids were small, that the problems wouldn’t go away they would just change, in fact they would get bigger and I see what they mean…parenting a toddler is so different from what I’m starting…and I can just see the issues getting bigger over the next few years. I do sense God’s covering over my girls and I sense that my job is to hold the line. I know I embarrassed Lauren tonight at one moment slightly…but my job as a parent and as a teacher and as an adult is to draw the line when it needs to be drawn…and I dont’ back down from that job…

Anyway I say all of that to say, I am so incredibly proud of my girls. God is at work in their lives, I see His hand all over them, in their thoughts, their feelings, their dreams, their actions, etc. and I love the conversations we are having these days. They really want to do the right thing, they really want to follow GOd’s plan for their lives.

I also have to tell you I’ve thought, typed, talked a lot this past year about how God does exceedingly more than we can ask or imagine…and it’s true in so many ways. For me I had really debated over the addition to my house…should it be a bedroom, a bathroom, a deck, a sunroom, etc. And it looks like I’m going to be able to not only add on a large sunroom, but to be able to add more storage space to my kitchen, and to add on a bedroom/bathroom. The whole thing is falling into place so much better than I would’ve ever dreamed possible. Isn’t that just like God. Not that I measure His goodness in stuff, money, etc. but at this time in my life I feel that I’m experiencing the blessing of the Lord and I’m grateful. I know where anything good in my life comes from…straight from GOd and I want to lift Him up and just say once more He’s doing more for me than I could’ve dreamed up for myself.

Tomorrow Lauren’s back to piano and finishes volleyball and then I’m zipping the girls over to Six Flags for the rest of the day. The weather is supposed to be really nice and we haven’t made it over yet so…I decided to go for it. I was proud of Lauren, I told her we could skip volleyball to go early but she decided in the end to stick with the commitment she had made to finish the season well over the fun activity. Praise God…she understand’s responsibility and commitment…that’s a rare commodity in children these days.

Hope your day went well and you have a wonderful weekend.

Love,

Ruth

It’s kind of ironic…but this week my bible reading has included the Song of Solomon, which is obviously completely a love story…and this Sunday I teach the kids lesson and it’s covering the commandment “Thou shalt not commit adultry” and I’m a single woman with no man in sight:). Still…I did get a verse or two out of Song of Solomon that spoke to me and I’m excited to teach the kids at our church about purity…one day in any school and you know desperate times call for desperate measures in the area of purity. Speaking of parenting…isn’t it amazing how different parenting is in someways today than it was when I was a kid (I’m 37)…I mean I can remember my mom trying to have the “talk” with me probably when I was about a freshmen in college…and even then after her “talk” I was still a clueless, naive girl. In today’s world if you haven’t had the “talk” before you kid leaves elementary school you can guarantee they will already know about it from their peers…and for me I would much rather have the info come from my mouth to their ears first than from their peers. That’s just how much times have changed. So…Anita, I’m with my sisters on telling you…you were/are/ and will be a great mom…just look at your kids, I read a couple of their blogs now and wow…they’re having unbelievable adventures, I mean Tim in Malaysia, Rob adopting children from Haiti, CHristi having 5 kids from age 13 down, and I know Ted was a missionary at one time, I don’t know Pam as well…but I’m sure her story would add to this list…wow!! Parenting is tough though, it’s so easy to look at the day, the week, month, year, etc. and see the mistakes, and failings, to realize missed opportunities and things that just didn’t get done or experienced, etc. I appreciate your compliments on my parenting and yet for everyone out there who reads this please know that I’m with you all…I’m ever aware of my inadequacies and truthfully my parenting can be down right ugly at times…God’s grace is amazing…and as long as my girls and I are talking and walking through stuff together I’m o.k. if it’s not all smooth waters. I guess truthfully I’ve learned or am learning that some of the best moments in life are the moments that aren’t smooth. I mean how do you know the depth of your love for one another unless that’s all you have to cling to at some time in your life, how do you know how strong you are as a unit until you have everything or at least it seems like everything ripped out from under you. How do you know how awesome our God is unless you have reason to notice HIm in the first place. That’s the nature of our human condition, unless I have to climb a mountain, bump through some pot holes, have the road come out from under me, whip around a few hairbend curves, feel the pit of my stomach drop on a steep hill into a valley…I would have no reason to grow, to see beyond myself and my own needs, to have to rely on God or other people, etc. Praise God, for the choppy waters, for the variety, for the fact that He cares enough about me and wants me to be ever drawing closer to Him that He individually orchestrates each day what I need to experience for me to draw closer to Him. Now…I hope that as I grow it takes less up and down, less storm, less trauma for me to keep drawing closer, I hope I can realize my need of Him even when it is a smooth day….but truthfully…whatever it takes and only God knows what it takes for this heart and for yours, is what I’ve committed myself to. We can trust God. Plain and simple…And another thought…Not only can we trust God but He redeems, the mistakes, the failures, the missed opportunities, even sin, He redeems it and makes it part of our story, part of who we are so that we can help others along the road and so that we can soak in His deep love for us.

Hope you’re having a great day. April is flying by…which seems nice, we actually got our calendar for the next school year today, and I’m thinking Praise God that’s a few months away:). I’m ready for a break. This next month is going to be very busy for me, it’s kind of like December for the music teacher…lots of programs at all the schools and with my own kids. All good stuff…but busy.

 

Love,

Ruth

This is going to be a quick blog…I should really be in bed, but decided I should probably clear my mind before I decided to do that, besides the fact that the neighbor’s dog won’t stop barking and now that we are in the weather where it’s crucial to have the windows open well…I’m hopeful that this won’t be a regular nightly experience. Anyway,

it’s been a good day. I took Lydia out for lunch today and we sat outside to eat and actually I think we both got a little sun from the experience. I always love to ask my kids open ended questions when I have them one on one to see what they will say, so today I asked Lydia what was something she is looking forward to. Just curious to see what would seem high on her priority list. Her first response was our trip out west but in the very next breath she said…no, I’m looking forward to Jesus coming back. And I didn’t have a sense that she was telling me that because she thought that was the “right” answer. It was truthfully her gut reaction and honest from her heart. I had to smile. When I was her age I can’t say that would’ve been my response…that’s how much this past year has changed her, and given her a glimpse of better things to come. In fact she looked up in the sky at that moment…just to check and see if maybe He was coming back right at that moment. And she does that often, with a sense of anticipation. I think at her age I was dreading or afraid of Jesus coming back…not Lydia. She’s excited because she knows it will also mean seeing her dad again. And I think that’s A o.k. to not only anticipate seeing God but to also anticipate the reunion with her dad. I know my desire for heaven has increased this past year like I’ve never felt before.

Thanks to Lori I think I have a person lined up to put on an addition on to my house, which will be three walls of windows, hence a “sunroom” but at the same time an actual addition on to my house, foundation and all. It will be about 26×14 I believe so a good size room. And I’m hoping and thinking that it will start in May. I think I’m going to also add on a bathroom as part of that room since we only have one and between us three ladies we could use another…teenage years are approaching after all. The girls and I are wanting to put a hot tub in the room, some comfy chairs and a table to eat at and they want to hang their hammock chairs Mark brought back from Nicaragua. So…I’m excited about it all and feeling at peace. The man that is doing it is a man that goes to Emmanuel and it just seemed right, I felt peace about it and feel that I’m getting what I really wanted. I know this sounds crazy but in a really wierd way I’m finding in these days that the truth that “The joy of the Lord is my strength” is true and it still amazes me at how that works. I find myself lately going around in my day to day life thinking this should be a time of sorrow, probably would be for most of the world in my life with it being close to the year anniversary of Mark’s death. And yet I’m finding that my joy in the Lord is increasing and therefore I’m feeling His strength. I’m celebrating…almost like instead of marking the time as a time to remember sorrow, instead I’m celebrating the fact that we made it through the year…that we’re one year closer to our true home and to a reunion. I can’t express in words fully how good it feels to be completing this first lap in time and to realize that we’re fighting the good fight, that we’re in the race and we’re winning. If God is for us who can be against us right…

Here’s the funny thing…if you ever played an intense game of cards or whatever else for that matter with Mark and he won you know that Mark had a “victory dance”. He was one competitive guy:). And I swear I can almost picture him in heaven doing a little victory dance that his “team” me and the girls are running so well in this race. He’s got to be thrilled. And to celebrate and remember him by adding on an addition, the biggest project I’ve taken on so far…well that just seems like a divine moment in itself. I can almost see his smile. I’ve got to think that this kind of joy is something that is only because of God. I doubt that the rest of the world without God in their heart would even understand why I feel the way I do. Which again is showing me that when we let God’s joy fill our hearts and allow Him to strengthen us we stand out…and we are able to bring God glory and honor.  Awesome…He uses it all.

Tonight was small group which I always enjoy. So nice to catch up with Hillary and Amy. I was listening to Mandisa on the way home and heard the song “Never gonna steal my joy.” It has the line in it “In every hopeless situation there is a song of redemption.” So true…the world sees the hopeless situation and stops at that because without God in us we can’t experience the song of redemption. I can’t even imagine how hopeless and down I would be right now without GOd in my life…but with God…I’m not only hearing the song of redemption in my life, but I’m living and moving in HIs song of redemption in my life. He takes loss, pain, struggle, everything this world can do to us to try and shake our faith and He redeems it, makes something beautiful out of it, if we allow Him to.

Tonight the girls had some interesting adventures at Richard’s house…just “happened” to fall into a creek, and various other escapades. I’m so glad that they had a firm dad in those formative years. I often felt that maybe he was being too harsh…but I think now that set the stage for them to be the beautiful girls they are today. WHen I got to the house to pick them up, Richard and Idona weren’t upset…in fact I think they thought some of the events of the evening were comical, they are able to have a perspective that doesn’t get too stressed out about those kind of things, ah to be a grandparent:)…but when I went downstairs to pick up the girls they were anxiously anticipating how in trouble they were going to be with me…because they know that I make them tow the line, I don’t tolerate disobedience or disrespect. Gave us an interesting time to talk about childish behavior vs. disobedience or disrespect. Just so you know, they weren’t punished…I didn’t raise my voice or lose my cool. It was childish behavior, it wasn’t sin. However…now that I’ve told them not to get that close to the creek again…now that they have the direction and have been told the boundaries if they cross the line that will be different. It seems that their are constant lessons to teach our kids in parenting, every life event is a lesson…I want my kids to be able to distinguish what sin looks like, feels like, costs, etc. as for falling in the creek tonight, I couldn’t help but smile…Idona had their clothes all washed and they had been showered…crazy girls:). I’m glad they have a few adventures here and there, I can remember going to my grandparents on the farm and I can remember a few of those kind of things going on as well. All normal stuff…and a little healthy fear is good I think:).

Tomorrow Lauren goes to the juvenile home for a field trip, that should produce some interesting conversation tomorrow night. Otherwise another normal day of school for me and Lydia, no big plans for tomorrow night. Hope your day was great!

Love,

Ruth

It’s another beautiful day…in the low 80’s believe it or not. I debated about putting down the black plastic tonight but decided to give myself the night off…I need to focus on getting my grades done for progress reports this weekend. I would much rather work outside but you know how that goes.

Enjoyed a Mocha Moolatte today from Dairy Queen after school…is their anything better on a hot day after work than to sip on one of those:). Reminded me of all the times Mark and I have gone to Dairy Queen over the years, we also grew to love Cold Stone and Baskin Robbins and were very fortunate to have them all within driving distance of where we live now… Ice cream is starting to sound good isn’t it:).

No big plans for the night, which is nice. Had a great lunch with Lori today, always a highlight of my week, just to get together and visit and eat, I never know where the conversation will go but that’s part of the beauty of being with a good friend.

Hope your day was great…tomorrow it’s back to small group for me, I need to catch up a little on my bible reading tonight…ugh! I hate to get behind…but I’ll catch it up tonight.

Love,

Ruth