The Jackson Family Online

Today’s been a good day for me and the girls…went to Emmanuel this morning, the teenage parenting class today dealt with depression and anger in teenagers and was an eye opener and enough to drive me to my knees. Being a teenager in this day and age is no easy feat…and being a parent of a teenager is probably no easier. God is faithful though and I’m counting on Him to guide me through the approaching years with my girls. Pastor Mark followed up that class with a sermon on not worrying:)…kind of humorous…and always needed. Tonight we went to the Backyard Fellowship out at THe Gines house which was nice, relaxing and always good to have a chance to visit with others in a non church setting. THe girls enjoyed playing volleyball and actually look like they’re getting better at it all the time.

In the past 24 hours I’ve taken back my front room…What I mean is even though my house addition is not finished I decided it was time to get things back in order…so my bedroom stuff is now in the sunroom in a pile waiting to be moved downstairs, my bed is on the front porch waiting to be moved out and around to the back of the house and my front room looks huge and spacious again for the most part…tomorrow I need to work on filing and getting the desk area clean…but I can’t believe how good it feels to have taken back our old part of the house!! We actually sat at our island tonight to eat:). And we watched a movie on our couch last night…I know these things sound like nothing but the state of our living quarters lately has been just short of unliveable so it’s nice to enjoy the simple pleasures of home again.

Tomorrow I need to finish up which hopefully won’t take long and then I need to think about school some…figure out what I’m doing next and where this year is going. Hopefully in the mean time the girls and I can have some fun time…not sure what our plans are…we’ll see.

I love three day weekends. WIsh every weekend was like this:). I enjoy Sunday evening so much more when I know I have Monday off. Hope you all have a wonderful Labor Day…I’m sure many of you are having cookouts with family…which sounds like fun…if we were in Michigan I’m sure that’s what we would be doing…

Love,

Ruth

There’s nothing like having a police officer come to your front door where it’s obvious that someone is home so they’re not going to leave and all you have on is your bathrobe…and can’t even find the strap, How embarrassing…He came because come to find out our neighbors had their lawnmower and a couple of gas cans stolen from their backyard/shed on Thursday night. They’ve been noticing some activity in their backyard for awhile…put in a motion light, etc. and I’m not sure why anyone would go into their yard but they did. Unfortunately I didn’t have any information to add. I noticed this summer after I came back from out west that my shed door handle was broke. I keep a lock on my doors…so no one got in but someone at some point did seem to try as the handle was clearly busted…fortunately the lock held. It’s a little eerie knowing that kind of thing is going on. I’m sure our neighborhood will be watched a little more in the coming days and I have a feeling that we will all be a little more alert. Can’t take anything for granted. I’m sure it’s greatly helped me this past four months having workers daily at my house, especially while we were out of town. All part of how God has watched over me and my family.

I’ve been cleaning today, even putting up a few pictures on the walls in the kitchen and I purchased one for the sunroom from Family Christian Bookstore. It has the verse “Be Still and Know that I am God” on it with a beach scene and a hammock. Seemed fitting. Truthfully even though it’s a big room I think that’s the only picture I’m going to put up. The windows do enough to give something to look at and I’m enjoying the clean, simple lines of the remodel at this point and don’t want to clutter it up.

Today’s been a day where I’m feeling the missing Mark blues. I hate to even say anything because I know I’m loved and have wonderful friends and family but…I so miss being loved by my husband. Part of me takes comfort that he still loves me and we will see each other again. And part of me finds very little comfort in that thought to get me through today. I’m used to being single at this point. I can function and for the most part am doing stellar at it probably…but that doesn’t mean that I don’t miss being married. Mark loved me…and for a 37 year old woman who can’t even color fast enough to keep the gray out of her hair, for a woman who needs to lose weight…etc. I so miss knowing, just knowing that I”m loved by my man. I looked at our family pictures today while I was dusting and just noticed again the casual way I would touch Mark’s leg, lean into him, feel his arm around me, etc. It’s going on 16 months now…I wonder if he thought about what my life would look like after he was gone. I’m trying to focus on the fact that nothing can separate me from God’s love and the fact that it’s enough…but for me today…well I miss Mark. So many things I wanted to do with him, to experience with him, places to go, friendships to enjoy, so much of life I had thought I would be spending with him…all gone.

The hardest thing I guess is just knowing that this will never change. And truthfully I’m not sure I can even picture someone else coming along and loving me the way that I am anywhere close to how Mark loved me…so where does that leave me.

I’m listening to music right now and ironically enough the song just came on “Who am I, to understand your ways, Who am I to give you anything but praise, WHo am I to solve the mystery…”

I’m in the car…I’m on the journey…God’s in the driver seat…and I guess to me right now it just seems like I’m looking out and the view is not exactly the greatest…Maybe I need to focus less on the view and more on who I’m in the car with…I’ve got to lean into God…

ANyway, that’s where I am today.

Ruth

It’s the weekend and it seems so nice. Slept in this morning which always feels great and to not have to get around in a hurry is wonderful! I even baked some banana bread this morning…as my stove and fridge are back in the kitchen now. Today is going to involve the normal house cleaning kind of things, laundry, etc. and hopefully some things will be able to be settled a little even though the house isn’t done yet. I think it will take one more week to get it all wrapped up. The hot tub is not filled with water yet because it won’t be put into use until the remodeling is done. But it does look promising.

Last night the girls and I went to the ALton Football game. We’re not so into football but Lydia loves watching the cheerleaders and we all enjoy the marching band. The girls thought they might run into some of their friends but it’s so crowded it’s hard to tell once you get there. I actually took a book to read during the football parts of the evening:).

Last night at dinner it was interesting to talk with the girls and realize we all had some stories to tell from our first week of school. Lydia had been embarrassed by some kids teasing her about liking a boy because she had been caught copying him, Lauren is dealing with a “Friend” who isn’t acting quite like a friend should…wanting to copy her homework, etc. and I’m dealing with a few kids in my choir who because I”m not catering to them like to say to me “We miss Mrs. Kramer” their previous director. The irony of that is I was there last year and saw how they treated her so…I’m not fooled. We again had those discussions about how if you don’t let something get to you it usually passes, as in Lydia’s situation. However in Lauren’s situation I’ve decided it needs to be brought to the teacher’s attention, which is a fine line…I don’t want a general announcement to be made or the situation to even be made into a big deal…I just want Lauren to be able to sit elsewhere and although these girls can still be friends she doesnt’ need to be a close friend. Thankfully Lauren has found another girl who I know is a Christian and her mom works at my Elementary who she has started eating lunch with…Praise God!

Anyway…we’re all doing fine. Have made it through the first long week of school. And are enjoying a three day weekend. Like I said I think today is a home day, tomorrow church and backyard fellowship, and then on Monday we’ll see. We’re talking about maybe heading out to Raging Rivers for one last play day in the sun. This week starts up piano and drum lessons, beyond that it should be a normal week. I am hoping that by next weekend the house will be done!! It’s all coming together nicely, just takes time.

Have a great weekend,

Love,

Ruth

Woke up in the night last night just feeling incredibly overwhelmed. Things at school are very busy and intense with many things just starting up, pressure to do well, trying to get to know new students, etc. and then pressures of single parenting, sorting through how we spend our time and resources…somewhere in my mind I have this idealic picture of me being a stay at home mom and home schooling the girls or something and have this fear that I might get to their adult years and realize I should’ve done that instead of working in a public school. Sorting through their extracurricular activities, trying to allow for rest and down time and yet give them opportunities to shape their future. Church involvement etc. Sorting through my many major decisions in this past year…hoping and praying that I’ve done alright. It was just one of those times when I wish Mark would’ve been there to just pull me close and say we’re doing alright…but that didn’t happen so I tossed and turned for awhile…then I had Psalm 23 come to my mind and thankfully as a child I had memorized it so I quoted it to myself…and it did bring peace. I’m one of those sheep who has to be “Made to lie down”, so that He can restore my soul, and Him leading me beside the still waters…well my bed was feeling like crashing waves last night until I got to that part of the chapter and He was able to quiet the water in my soul. “He leads me in paths of righteousness” I sure hope so because I don’t trust myself to make the kind of decisions that He alone knows what is best and their’s too much on the line for me to mess this up. Anyway, the point is…I think through Psalm 23 and several of the phrases in that Psalm, God was able to hold me close and reassure me that everything is fine. I went back to sleep so that was good. Today I have about a million things to get done but what’s getting me through right now is knowing that once I’m done at school today I can come home to three days at home where I can slow it down a little…relax and rejuvenate.

You all have those kind of overwhelming moments too right? Mine usually happen in the middle of the night…

Have a great day,

Ruth

It’s been another busy day, but truthfully they all are. Thursday’s are my fullest day of classes. Tonight I got Lauren signed up for swimming lessons at the Y so she will start going in another week every Tues. and THurs. night from 6-6:45pm. They can take her all the way through to being certified as lifeguard someday so it seemed like a good thing to have Lauren in…and a great excercise as well. Lydia is re-signing up for dance for the fall…still choosing between hiphop/ballet/tap or poms…her big goal in life is to be a cheerleader(Mark would be so proud:)…

Today I told my kids in sixth grade choir about Lauren being my daughter…so far we had been together for a week and Lauren and I had both kind of played it cool. Lauren was in band today so it seemed like a good time to share without her being too humiliated:). Lauren is in the process of doing a band fundraiser, all through elementary school I threw that kind of stuff away and sent in a donation instead…I just hate asking people to buy stuff that’s obviously overpriced…however, now that she’s getting further into band and choir these programs are a little more reliant on fundraisers so…she’s selling at least a little, so if she asks you about it…I apologize in advance but just know it’s for a good cause. Truthfully, she’s pretty shy about it so she probably won’t ask too many people.

Bruce has told me that the house should be done by Tuesday or Wednesday which seems hard for me to believe as I can still see several things that need to be done but they are probably things that move along fairly quickly. I’m looking forward to the fact that my fridge and stove will be back in the kitchen tomorrow…after two weeks of having them in the front room I’m more than ready to have them go back to their places. I’m hoping to get the carpet installed by next Friday so hopefully that would officially wrap everything up. It will be worth it but wow…it’s kind of like traveling for a month, we all had a great time but said….”Let’s not do that again for a little while:”. I feel the same way about remodeling…I just want to have things at home feel homey again. Lydia has already had me print off pictures from our trips this summer to take into her class, they were talking about all of the presidents so she took in pictures from Mt. Rushmore and from Washington D.C. I can tell already that having been there in person has given her a different perspective, even with Washington D.C. being a little over her head I can tell the trip was worth it and life changing, glad I made the effort.

Turned in my personal day form to go on Lydia’s field trip on Oct. 3 today to Springfield, IL so that should be a good day for her and I to have some time together and then also a personal day in NOvember for the Ladies Retreat weekend. Special days to look forward to.

Praise God tomorrow is Friday and it’s a three day weekend!! I’m looking forward to it!

Love,

Ruth

Today I had a music teacher’s miracle happen to me. We have a state contest every year called IMEA where students are selected from each school to represent their school at a state level. It’s a big deal for kids to have the opportunity to participate…they always choose four songs that are generally fairly challenging…being that I’m not exactly computer savvy I hadn’t checked the list on the website for this year and was thinking I better start working on the songs as they go in November which is not far off. Low and behold…the first song on the list just happened to be the song I chose to teach my kids for their first song this year. The odds of that happening…me picking the song out of the many filing cabinets we have at school matching up exactly with the first song on the IMEA list are quite outstanding in my mind…nothing less than a miracle. Made me feel like my kids are already a step ahead…they’re singing in three parts and have it memorized already after only 3-4 days singing it. When I told the choir kids about it they were impressed and happy too. Today was one of those days where it felt good to teach…I’m tired but it’s a good tired. Tomorrow we start trying kids out for honor choir. I have over a hundred kids that want to be in it…and will probably only take 50…which leaves many disappointed but…that’s how it goes. I try to be as fair as possible…I’m happy that many kids would want to be in the group as it involves before school practices and extra commitments.

The house… continues to progress. Today they worked a lot on trim which really gives everything a nice finished off look. They also put in my new kitchen faucet and I was able to put everything back into my kitchen cupboards…which was nice. They’ve started my pantry shelves, can’t wait to have the extra storage in my kitchen. And I can see where they are working on my bathroom sink. It’s coming to a close…should only be a few more days and once the carpet is installed and the furniture for the sunroom arrives…well you get the idea. It will be so nice to have our front living room back:).

Lydia and I have been reading through James on the front porch swing the last couple of mornings while we eat breakfast. WE’re reading using “THe Message”…today’s thought was that the ears should lead and the tongue should follow…and how God’s word is a gardener for our soul…basically without God’s word we will dry up and die. That visual picture has stuck with me as I know what my flowers do with just one or two days without water in the heat of the summer.

Hope your day was great. The girls and I went to bed last night at 8pm and I think we probably will tonight too…our day went better today…I think some of the outbursts/emotions lately have had to do with to little sleep, adjusting to school schedules again…

Tomorrow’s thursday already…time flies when you’re having fun.

Love,

Ruth

Another day of school. O.k. sometimes I have to admit the whole idea of home schooling seems appealing especially when we’re getting around for school and I’m having to get my kids out of bed…for that matter even getting myself out of bed. But then I go through a temper tantrum or some other challenge with them and realize public school isn’t so bad:). Today on my house they put up the rest of the light fixtures, and all of the doorways (5), and other various small things here and there…I’m guessing the toilet and vanity will be coming next…we’ll see. I’m just so anxious to get settled, hopefully I can do some of that this weekend even if everything isn’t completely finished.

No real big news today…I’m tired feel like it should be Friday already…but life goes on…last night I got hooked into a really good book and stayed up too late which is easy for me to do, tonight I don’t want to do that. Sometimes I have so little time that’s just “My time” that it seems worth the loss of sleep…until the next morning of course.

Hope your day was great!

Love,

Ruth

After writing yesterday about my wonderful restful Sunday…I went to bed last night and couldn’t get my mind to shut off…all of a sudden I could think of about a million things that I need to get done in the very near future for school, around the house, in my own life, etc. I hate that when that happens…I finally fell asleep only to wake up two hours later and by then I decided I might as well get up…so I got up and got all of those random thoughts out of my mind, made a to do list and somehow just by getting it all broke down into smaller chunks that seemed manageable I was able to go back to sleep. My poor co teacher got three emails sent her way at about 1:30am in the morning…I hope they made some form of sense but you know…sometimes you have to strike while the iron’s hot:). So this morning I was amazed when I actually got out of bed before 6am without feeling like a semi truck had run over me. My Monday morning schedule at school is perfect…I get some time to pull my thoughts and plans together for the week on Monday mornings before my first class. I didn’t plan it that way but that’s just how it worked out this year and I can tell it’s going to give me a lot of peace starting off the week on the right foot. I’m not sure if every teacher feels it or not but even though this is my tenth year teaching…I still get anxious about what my plans are and how I’m going to handle certain situations that will arise. I have gotten better at quickly adapting as I go…but there isn’t much room for error when you have a room of 85 seventh and eighth graders ready to go bizerk at the slightest moment of weakness on my part…Teaching keeps me sharp and on the edge that’s for sure. Anyway…after all of that it was a great day at school. After ten years I have to admit there are times when I feel like I’ve hit a really nice groove, comfortable but not in a rut.

SO…about the house…we got our hot tub today…and they had it in the room, the window up and were working on the outside siding all before lunch…wow! As you might remember the whole hot tub issue was something that I had to work through a little…I knew we wanted one but…it seemed a bit extravagent for my simple nature and frugral upbringing…truth be told I try to live my life with eternal values in perspective…but I have to tell you today when I walked in and saw that tub sitting in my house…I sensed God’s blessing all over it. Not that sitting in water is heaven…but isn’t it nice that once in awhile God gives us little glimpses of how awesome heaven will be. Tonight I sat in it just to try it out…o.k. their’s no water but I used my imagination:)…I was sorting through the box of various chemicals and paraphenelia when Lauren pulled out the thing that bounces around in the water with the chlorine in it…I’m not sure if this is a popular thing or not but usually when I’ve seen those in pools they are ducks…can you guess what animal is on the top of our bobber…you won’t even need three guesses:). I couldn’t believe it…a turtle smiling big as ever with sun glasses on and I’m telling you it felt like Mark had sent me a direct message…not that I look for his approval in all things, I look for God’s…but as his wife…I want to honor him in how I live and how I raise our girls. I swear it was just as if he was celebrating right there with me, and I didn’t even realize how much I needed that moment. God is so good.

Lauren and I had an awesome conversation on the way home from our oil change tonight…I told you that I went to a Sunday school class all about teaching our kids a biblical worldview…and I’m not sure how it happened…but Lauren and Lydia and I had the complete conversation in our car tonight…about the fact that this is not heaven, we can and should expect suffering and regardless of how we feel or think God is good, He is the one who gives us our value, we talked about the bible and the reliability of it and how we all have to be grounded in our own faith, we talked about how when the girls go to college some day they will hear many different view points on faith, how to get to God, etc. it is so good to already be having those kind of conversations with my girls…makes the loss almost worth it in some ways to know that Mark’s death has grounded my girls and taken their roots down deep. The girls and I talked about how our life is different, us three girls all talking at once, being girly…and had fun talking about how Mark used to try and use reverse psychology on the girls…and he was sarcastic and witty enough that it usually worked. I’m grateful that I  can look my girls in the eye and we can honestly say we’re doing o.k. We’re aware that our life is not perfect but aware that it wasn’t perfect before so…we’re o.k. Anyway…good talks with my girls…I pray and hope those will continue over the coming years.

Off to bed for me…or I know last night’s escapades will catch up with me and I’ll be crawling by Friday…already a three day weekend coming up…woo hoo. Oh and by the way…the light fixtures are going up, the siding on the outside of the house is all done, the shower faucet in my bathroom is done…my shower rod and hooks are up:)…all ceramic tile is done and grouted…almost all of the painting is done. It looks like the big things left are painting one wall in the sunroom, and putting in five door ways, finishing the light fixtures and then doing the trim, and cutting Lydia’s bedroom door so the door can open and shut over her carpet, and the kitchen faucet, hanging stuff in the bathroom, putting in the toilet and vanity and then wala…should be about done. Bruce said he figured he better wrap up…or the money might run out…I would highly recommend Bruce Grenzebach and his company to anyone looking to do a house project…they come to work everyday on time, work a full day…are trustworthy and have done a great job on everything and I always have the sense that he’s trying to save me as much $$ as possible while doing a good job. He attends at Emmanuel…and sometimes hiring a Christian can be a scary thing…I know that sounds bad…but you know what I mean. But in this case I have been very pleased, in fact I already told him to put me down for a week or two next summer too…to paint my old part of my house, he does amazing things with plaster walls that have some damage and mine definitely have some damage…so I’m thinking the girls and I could go to the beach for a week or two and wala:). Thankfully, he’s enjoyed working here this summer too so it’s been a win win situation.
Lauren today for her homework had an awesome assignment…she had to color in a map of the United States with all of the states she has been to…I honestly think she could very well be the kid in the room with the most states colored in…too funny that was her first assignment…she felt pretty good about it and already we talk often about all of the things we’ve seen and done. Lydia is having a field trip to Springfield, IL in October and wants me to come along and they’ve been talking about it a lot in class…it was nice to be able to talk about how we just were at the Lincoln Memorial this summer and I think she may take some pictures in. She’s all gung ho about it…honestly she wasn’t gung ho about climbing all of the steps to get to the monument but that’s all a dim memory now right?!? Kind of like childbirth:).
Anyway, hope your Monday was great…My hot tub can fit six easily and comfortable with lots of jets all in the right locations so….when it’s up and running…hopefully some of you in the area will have time to drop by and hang out with us Jackson girls. Even has a water fall, a light and Lydia noticed it has five cup holders:). Not bragging…just enjoying the moment…after hearing about my house for so long I feel like I almost need to hold an open house:).

 Love,

Ruth

What a beautiful Sunday we had! Church was great…all about teaching our kids to have a biblical worldview, teaching the reliability of scripture to our kids, postmodernism and basically talking about the big questions that our kids will face when they get out on their own. All good thoughts for this time in my life parenting. Then Pastor Mark’s sermon was about where our treasure is…on eternal things or this world. Good food for thought and provided some really good conversation with my girls on the way home. Todd and Sarah Linke invited us over for an impromptu lunch and visit which was really nice. Was one of those times when even though I knew I had things to get done at home it was more important to go hang out with friends and catch up on each other’s lives, plus I got to hold Jackson and almost rocked him to sleep…it’s been a long time since I’ve done that with a baby:). Then on the way home from their house I had the idea to call up Lori and see if we could come over for a swim. And even though they weren’t going to be home she let us come and so that was a nice treat for me and the girls and I even got to finish a book:). Then just to round out the day I went up to Home Depot, loaded up with topsoil and filled up my raised bed  and adjusted my blackberry, raspberry, asparagus and grape plants that are in it and even threw in a few pumpkin seeds and cucumber seeds…o.k. I know it’s beyond late to throw those in but…I figured it might be worth a try since I already had the seeds…who knows. It will be fun to watch something grow if nothing else. THen the girls and I had the best part of the day…we hung out in our backyard for a couple of hours together, the girls pretended they were in the Olympics and scored each other on their jumps on the trampoline…even pretended to be an announcer and all:). And then we all sat together in our hammock and talked and prayed and laughed. All in all it was a nice restful sabbath…I have a feeling that I should try to do Sunday’s more like this on a normal basis. Ok. the laundry isn’t done…and my school stuff…well I should’ve done more on it…but overall I have a feeling that how we spent our time today was just right.

Hope your day was great.

Everyonce in awhile I have that feeling where I wonder if Mark would be making the same decisions I am…but I’m coming more and more to the realization that he’s not here…so although some of those things are clear and I want to honor him…their are a lot of other areas where I just have to make decisions for my family that seem good to me. I also realized today that while I used to think of myself in “married” terms…I’m finding that is changing…I’ve gotten used to being single…and more and more it seems normal. Thank you Tabitha for your comment the other day…it encouraged me more than you know. And Carol…thankfully I get some prep times during my day and so those are times that I use to choose music…we do all kinds of music…thankfully as a chorus teacher I can even do music that is spiritual in nature at times simply because it is a valid area of music to teach even in a public school, which is pretty awesome. There have been moments when I’m leading a group where I’m sure they don’t even realize it but I’m having a God moment in my soul…which is awesome:).

Have a great week…Tomorrow is hot tub day!! And tomorrow we head down to Saturn for an oil change after work…hard to believe but I already have almost 30,000 miles on my car. Hopefully this week should wrap up the house project!! If so I’ll put on a few pictures on to this blog so that you can enjoy:).

Love,

Ruth

Felt good to sleep in today:). Today I focused on the house…Saturday is my catch up on housework day when school is on. Lauren got it in her head to do major rearranging in her room so that was exciting…can’t imagine where she gets that from:). I told her to do a quick clean up thinking, make your bed, put a few things away, 15 minute deal, came back to her room a few minutes later and absolutely everything had been moved into a giant pile…mom came a little unglued…but I do have to admit…she gets that from me.

I’ve been in the yard for the better part of the day…making a pathway in the backyard to the trampoline and swing so I won’t have to mow certain areas. So…that involved edging, stones and of course mulch. Looks nice and the girls and I enjoyed sitting on the swing tonight. We seem to have a cricket epidemic at our house so the girls are freaking out about that a bit, want me to call Orkin or something…we’ll see in the mean time a shoe works well.

Anyway…it’s been a good, full day, and I’m looking forward to church tomorrow and I need to get some school stuff done, I’m hoping that I have brains enough to work on it before tomorrow night:)…we’ll see.

Love,

Ruth