The Jackson Family Online

Before going to bed…and even though I’ve already blogged for today I have to record the fact that with only one day of fasting on my part I’m amazed already at how I’ve seen God at work today, within my own family…at church and with friends. I sense a greater clarity on my part to what God is doing and arranging and have been able to join in with Him. Maybe I would’ve anyway…I’m not sure but it’s been enough confirmation for me to want to continue. Lauren was kind of put to the test tonight at youth group with Doritos…but she stuck to her convictions. Not that it would’ve been huge had she ate them but she’s honestly seeking God and wanting to sacrifice for Him. I’m proud of her and amazed over and over how much she’s become a young lady in this past year. Hard to believe but she really only has 6 and a half years left at home. WOW!! Lydia has learned her books of the bible this year in Sunday night services, and is regularly memorizing verses. I’m so grateful for the teachers who are pouring into her life on Sunday mornings and evenings. It does take a village…

I want to go on record…it’s been said before, but if you’re like me sometimes you need to hear it again. If your marriage isn’t perfect and polished, if you have moments at your home that are less than Godly, if you get angry from time to time, if you lose it with your kids occasionally and feel like sometimes you just want a break from it all, if you feel overwhelmed, if you tend to look at others and wish you had what they have…please know that everything you are feeling/thinking/experiencing is normal and you are probably in the midst of a battle that you can’t fully comprehend. WE talked tonight about legacy and heritage at church, and frankly a lot of us don’t have a long line of Christians in our families. I’m grateful that my parents are both Christians but it doesn’t take very far back from them and my grandparents to come into questionable territory and I know on Mark’s side that the same could be said…it makes sense that Satan wouldn’t want the family line to be strengthened by generations of families following after God…it makes sense that he attacks CHristian homes and especially marriages, so if you’re in the midst of that…it’s o.k., it’s to be expected….I encourage you to stand strong…to hold your ground and lean into God with everything you have. I will say it again…Mark and I’s marriage was not perfect, not even close…honestly we had more than our fair share of days when we both wanted to bail…and told each other so…I’m not proud of that fact but it is the truth and while some may want to see things through rose colored glasses when someone dies, I can’t. I know what was real…so do my kids…and I would never make it more than it was…but I go on record again by telling you…in the final analysis nothing that is easy is worth much…anything that you have to fight for…that’s what is of value…and just because you have scars…well even Jesus has those…in the end the fact that you stand strong, finish well, fight the good fight that’s enough…God redeems everything beyond that, that we can’t fix anyway…even after death which is amazing. Some think that seeing God as our redeemer is about salvation…while it is, for me it’s much more about the fact that He takes me even after I’ve become a Christian and redeems the mistakes I continue to make in my efforts to be like Him. He uses it all. So…be real…lean into Him…and understand you are not in a battle against flesh and blood but against the evil in this world. Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world. We already know how the story ends…let God write each chapter of your life the way He wants to…

Maybe that sounds preachy…hopefully not…hopefully you gather that I feel passionate about it. Our God can do exceedingly more than we can ask or imagine and He still does miracles in our lives each day.

Just thought you should know…:)

Love

Ruth

Woke up to a beautiful surprise this morning…snow:). Was absolutely beautiful and completely unexpected as I have to admit I never watch the news anymore. I don’t watch tv period really…an occasional movie but that’s about it. This morning the “Jackson Family” lit the advent candle…I had lauren try to do the lighter but she had a hard time so I ended up doing it, oh well…it was a brief moment but good. This morning’s sermon was all about hope…my sunday school class was very enlightening…we’ve been taking a historical view of the new testament through a video series and today the whole verse about the church being built on the rock and the gates of hades not being able to stand against it…well for the first time when I saw the physical location of where Jesus was when he was talking about that it made much more sense. I’ve often heard that passage taught with Peter being considered the “rock”…but it appears now that is not what Jesus was talking about after all…Always good to be challenged with new thoughts. I’m always amazed at how even though I’ve heard the same stories over and over they have so much more to them than I can possibly understand.

The girls and I ended up at Border’s this afternoon…it wasn’t on my schedule but felt right. I love going to bookstores and just hanging out. I picked up “twilight” vampires are not my thing, but it seems to be all the rage right now with middle school girls and since I have one I decided it was time for me to be able to discuss the book and it’s ideas intelligently. Lauren hasn’t read it yet…she’s not into vampires either but…I have a feeling it might arise at some point and I figured I might as well be a step ahead or at least try to be. I’m curious…it’s written by a Christian and I’ve even heard WIBI morning host Lori talk about it and how it presents some Christian truths in a new way. So…that should provide some good reading. I also picked up a CD by Josh Groban…I’ve never really listened to him before but for some reason wanted to try him out so…while I type that’s what I’m listening to…very nice and peaceful…something different.

Day one of the fasting thing is going fine…it’s been interesting to talk to the girls about it and try to explain to them why it is a spiritual discipline we should take part in. WE’ve talked about the fact that it’s not just about food…and how there are some things in life we will never be able to experience unless we pursue this discipline as well as the others. So…Lauren just told me she is decided to fast from snacks…she decided that all on her own. I’m curious to see how she experiences God in new ways as she pursues that. For me…today I’m more aware than ever how easily distracted I am…during prayer times…during church, while driving, etc. I’m so programmed to be efficient, get things done…it’s my life really…that’s how I survive. I sense in my inner being the need to be more focused…to slow down…and I also sense that part of my prayer and fasting is me seeking a miracle…the miracle of their possibly being a man who would be part of my life again. I talked to the girls about it this afternoon…fasting is no guarantee of the results we would like…but it is accessing a source of power that could very well be the start of a miracle. So…we’ll see what happens.

On a side note…when I was a teenager I had long hair and wore it curly often…used hot rollers sometimes…last night I decided to try them out again…was nice to have a different look today…think I’ll grow my hair back out again…it’s probably not the hip new do that everyone wants but for whatever reason feels good for now.

Anyway…back to school tomorrow…I’d love another day off but that’s the normal feeling…so I know we’ll be fine once the alarm goes off. I had taken some pictures of the girls at SIlver Dollar City thinking I would use one of them for our CHristmas Card but Lydia stopped me and said…”Mom I want you to be in the picture too…” so I think sometime this week we’ll just set the timer on my camera and try snapping a few of the three of us…that should be fun:).

Hope your day was great!

Love,

Ruth

The girls and I are home again after a great trip to Branson, MO. We spent three nights right down by Branson Landing for those of you who have been there before. My main goal in going was to have time to simply enjoy my own two girls and time with my sister and her family. And we did have a great time. Wednesday after arriving the girls enjoyed swimming at the hotel and I have to say I even enjoyed it as the water was nice and warm:). Then we had a chance to go with my sister and her family to their church for Wednesday night services. Was so nice to meet some of the people they go to church with each week and to see how much they are being cared for and have become a part of the body there. Then we went and walked around Branson Landing…an outdoor mall that has lots of appeal, it’s got a wonderful fountain/fire show to music, lots of cool stores and is just a fun place to walk around and Wednesday night it was deserted… the calm before the storm I guess:). Thursday we enjoyed watching the parades, Marty enjoyed football and the girls and I played games with Becky and Courtney and just basically had a relaxing day. Becky made her first apple pie ever and it was wonderful:). Actually she made a wonderful THanksgiving meal with all the trimmings. Both her and I have long had a reputation of not being “cooks” in our family. It’s not something that is necessarily true but it’s one of those things where we’ve both been assigned the easy no cook type things each year for the family get togethers and so it just became easier to go along with it then stand up and say “Hey…I can cook too:). Actually we both talked about it and said…although we both can cook just fine, it’s not what defines us or what we want to spend a lot of time on so…maybe it’s better not to rock the boat on the whole image thing. Anyway…I was witness to the fact that my sister Becky can cook just fine:). Kevin pulled in (her son) from college about 5pm and after dinner we all went and drove through some Christmas Lights and sang the 12 days of Christmas together…sounds like a great new tradition to me:). We said goodbye, wanted to give them time to just be together with their own family and went back to the hotel to swim again:). This is where things got a little crazy. I had mentioned to the girls earlier in the day that the outlet mall in Branson was going to open at midnight…and if we were feeling crazy we could go and shop at midnight just for the fun of it. Looking back it sounds insane and I must have been crazy I guess but we decided to go for it. After all…it would definitely make some new memories for us. Little did I know that everyone else and their brother, aunt, cousin and best friend must have thought the same thing. I found myself in this tremendous traffic jam trying to get into the outlet mall only to finally get there and find that literally their was not a single parking space open. The outlet mall was only five miles from out hotel, I figured no big deal…after an hour driving to the mall, winding through all of the aisles of the parking lot and then praising God when I found an exit and had not ended up running anybody over or having my car in an accident I had more than enough to make a memory. We never even got out of the car…we just headed back to the hotel and went to bed and Lydia and I decided we didn’t care if they were handing things out for free we have no intention of ever doing that again. Lauren on the other hand…she’s still game:). WE did learn from our mistake though…because the next morning instead of driving to Branson Landing to shop…we walked the four blocks and watched the struggling cars with that smug satisfaction of knowing that we were enjoying the experience much more than all of those in cars trying to find a spot. We found some great deals, truthfully I’m basically done Christmas Shopping but the girls enjoyed Build a Bear, The Disney Shop, Aeropostale, and The Children’s Place while I frequented my usual CHristopher Banks:). It was just so nice to walk around together, no stress, nothing we had to get and to have the joy of having God work out some great deals for us. I do believe that He cares about the details…even with children starving around the world. Later in the day when we went to Silver Dollar CIty I was so incredibly thankful that I had purchased a winter coat for Lauren at Aeropostale. The weather was so beautiful and mild while it was day but once the sun went down it was brrrr…We ended up caving and buying hats and gloves at Silver Dollar City and as I watched the kids do rides I survived without my winter coat (you would think I would know better, right?!?) drinking hot chocolate and hot tea. Actually watching my girls so happy brought a sense of warmth from the inside. I love how the main message of Christmas is so emphasized at Silver Dollar CIty. THeir’s no mistaking that the birth of Jesus is the big deal and it’s proclaimed without any holding back, I actually had a few moments when I sensed the desire to worship while I was there and so I did:). We really enjoyed the Charles Dickens show with Scrooge and all, very well done. And the main CHristmas Tree was incredible…better than Disney World in my opinion. I took several pictures and hope one of them is good enough to use for my CHristmas cards this year of the girls and CHristmas lights…we’ll see. Something I hope to work on tomorrow afternoon. By 11pm we were cold to the bone and ready to call it a day, especially after our midnight-1am shopping experience earlier in the day. Today we woke up, got checked out and headed back down to Branson Landing for one more quick visit. Needed to return one item from the day before, etc. Then we headed for home. Upon getting home found that my main Christmas Tree had been knocked over, my trees aren’t that big so it wasn’t like it was a huge deal…broke two ornaments that hopefully I can superglue back together. I’m sure the cats bumped into it but all is well now. We’re unpacked which is always a good feeling and I need to start laundry, you know how that is.

I’m starting to think about the next three weeks…lots of stuff going on…a fairly serious time for a music teacher to do well if one wants to keep their job:). I’m confident it will all come together, it always does and after 10 years…well I try not to stress about it too much. Try to remember I’m a parent myself and basically I’m just wanting to see my kids and I’m happy with whatever they do. It’s not too tough a crowd:). Tomorrow we get to light the advent candle for church, we’ve never done that before so it’s kind of a nice treat for us as a family.

Last week before we went on our trip I purchased the bible on CD with the sound effects, male and female readers, etc. We’ve listened to the first two CD’s and are almost through Genesis…talk about some interesting conversations:). Their’s some pretty strange stuff in the Old Testament…we talked about how the sin of the Fathers is passed down and why I hope they learn from my mistakes without them having to repeat them. We also talked about how God expects and demands obedience…Lydia was quite taken with the whole story of Lot’s wife turning to a pillar of salt. Circumcision was another lovely topic of discussion:). Lauren wondered why Jacob didn’t get in trouble for lying and cheating Esau out of his blessing…interesting to hear her thoughts. I just figured if I wanted them to read the Old Testament the best thing might be for us to make use of the time we are in the car, and just once in awhile put a CD on. Sure makes getting through all of the big names a lot easier:).

I’ve been thinking a lot about fasting again…I bought a book last year about it and I’ve put off getting through it now for quite awhile. I started to think maybe when January comes I’ll do it…I guess like a New Year’s resolution or something…sounded good in my mind, but as I was coming home today I realized their is no time like the present. O.k. the holidays are probably not the ideal time to avoid food right?!? But when have I ever done things that make sense to the normal person:). So…tomorrow I’m going to start. Lydia asked me with big eyes how long I plan to fast…and I told her I’m not sure, just going to take it one day at a time. I’ll drink…water, milk, juice, tea…and like I told Lydia, Jesus did it for 40 days and was fine. I’ve also known of others who have done it for those kind of lengths as well. I guess in my mind right now I have a week in my mind. But that’s not locked in. And I’m not sure exactly that all of my reasons are spiritual…but have come to the conclusion that I think it’s a total body/spirit/mind/heart issue. Physically I could easily use some purifying and focus, spiritually I could without a doubt use the hunger reminders to experience God’s presence in new ways and emotionally their’s no doubt in my mind that food is used for things in my life that it shoudn’t be used for, even financially…I could use some purifying so…starting tomorrow morning here goes. I’m not going to make a big deal about it on this blog…don’t want to be like the religious people who fasted so others would take notice…at the same time I guess I want to go on record saying I believe God might just do some amazing things in my life through this kind of focus and desire to draw closer to Him…we’ll see.

I’m starting to give thought to my CHristmas LEtter this year…wonder what is worth saying, I mean I know it’s usually the run down of the year’s activities and events but…what’s really worth sending. I’m known as a “deeply Religious” person at work, I’ve heard myself being described that way by coworkers. Somehow It’s my heart’s desire this year that beyond the religious side I would come across as an incredibly real, down to earth, up and down, normal, crazy, overwhelmed, person who is only alive, breathing and full of joy because of the birth of Jesus. Somehow I want to convey in my letter this year that without God…I would be a person with no hope, no joy, no peace and with GOd I am exactly the opposite, my joy, my peace, my love, my hope, my faith…well I literally feel as if God’s characteristics in those areas are becoming my identity and replacing “me”. I tried to give “The Shack” to my sister Becky this weekend but found out she had already read it and enjoyed it…so I’ll have to pass it on to someone else:). I love the truths that come through in that book…they don’t replace the bible obviously but they give me new eyes on who God is. He truly is Emmanuel….not only God with us, walking beside us, leading us, protecting us from the back but literally living within us. WOW! Lauren asked me this weekend how she can be sure she really is a CHristian, she’s aware that she doesn’t have a great “story” to tell, no great “I was into drugs, alcohol, etc. and now my life is radically different” story. Nothing dramatic…In my mind of course I said a huge “Praise God” but to her I assured her that my story is like hers…when you become a CHristian at such a young age it’s easy to feel like your salvation story is nothing dramatic…I talked to her about the fact that because of this God has protected her from many things that could’ve brought much pain to her life, and we talked again through the plan of salvation and how it’s something we just believe and accept and then we are saved. Seems so easy sometimes I think we wonder if it’s enough…but it is…it’s a gift. What better time to talk about salvation then CHristmas…we all enjoy giving gifts to one another…In fact I think most of us enjoy giving more than receiving…how much more God must enjoy giving us the gift of salvation.

Anyway…I hope your weekend was wonderful…full of good food, family, friends, some crazy shopping:), relaxing, restful, warm, etc. And now here we go…it’s Christmas time, the best time of year to share God’s love and hope. Just look around you…all around are people with no hope, no peace, no love, no faith, etc. just hungering for something to hang on to. God’s given us the perfect opportunity to be a beacon in America for Him…in a time when the economy isn’t good…it’s time we CHristians stand out…Christmas isn’t about how many gifts, how much money you have, etc. it’s all about relationship, it’s all about God considering us as priceless treasures, worth dying for. It’s all about perspective…choose to see GOd in everything. I’m trying to do this and have been especially since Mark died…and I find my kids saying after I mention how God has provided for us…that “God does that all the time, Mom” And many times His provision is because I’ve gotten lost, I’ve messed up…but if I choose I will see the hand of God in everything. That’s been the greatest gift of loss to me…realizing that their is absolutely nothing that can separate me from GOd’s love…realizing that if I can see the good in death then I can see the good and God’s hand in anything I face in this life. And I do mean anything…how is it that a person can be in a prison cell and experience God in such powerful ways and actually spend their time praising God….and we here in America can complain and be negative and find ourselves experiencing so little of God. I know it sounds crazy and I have no idea what it might cost me someday…but I’ve resolved no longer to linger…I’ve resolved that whatever it costs me I will follow God, and I will hunger for more and more of Him…I desire a complete take over…nothing less. This Christmas season I want to just soak it in…soak in the music, the story, the love, peace and joy, the kindness strangers will show to each other, the giving, the very presence of Emmanuel.

Sorry…this is long I know…it’s been awhile since I’ve blogged and my heart is overflowing…God is so good, and He uses everything, every detail, to bring honor and glory to Himself…I pray that is what my life is all about.

Love,

Ruth

Hope you are having a great thanksgiving! We’re enjoying our time in branson with becky marty courtney and kevin and just about to eat! Woohoo. The girls are excited to see the jonas brothers on the dallas cowboys football game halftime show much to martys chagrin! It’s been a very relaxing day…hope it has been for you too.
Love
Ruth

I just read this quote on E’s blog and thought it was so true…

Time is: Too slow for those who wait, Too swift for those who fear, Too long for those who grieve, Too short for those who rejoice, But for those who love, Time is eternity.”
Something to think about isn’t it? I can clearly think of times in my life when I’ve experienced all of those situations…waiting, fear, grieving, rejoicing, loving and I’m sure you can too.

Have a great day!

Love,

Ruth

I’m Free!!! And yes Lori I am bragging about it:). Feels so good to know that the next five days are unscheduled and free for the taking. My goal in the next five days is simply to enjoy my kids…no big projects, no major house cleaning, no good book I’m tied into, etc. I’m just wanting to spend time with my girls and soak them in. We had a little family pow wow last night…just had a few things getting out of control and needed to talk…we all decided that we would work on one thing for the good of our family so to speak…and for me…as dorky as it sounds the one thing I need to work on is enjoying my girls more…less work, more play, not just weeding the flowers but actually taking time to smell them I guess:).

Lauren is officially done with musical now which is a good feeling. It was a confidence booster for her and good all around for her to feel connected with several new friends which was what I was hoping for. Today after we returned all of the costumes we went and saw the movie “Bolt” which was very cute. Lydia is now at pom’s. Our plan is to get up in the morning…get around, pack and hit the road…no set time schedule just when we get around. It’s about 4-5 hours to Branson so not to big of a trip thankfully.

In mentioning the blog I mentioned a few days ago about a woman who had her husband pass away from cancer a few weeks back…I knew at the start that she and her family are Mormons, or at least I had the inkling that they are. It’s been interesting for me to read her blog, have a few interchanges with her family, and to have her on my heart to pray for her all the while realizing that our separate faiths are in some ways similar and yet in others are very different. It’s caused me to read more about the Mormon faith…just curious to see what they believe. It appears to me that the bible is used as the source of truth but the big difference is in the Book of Mormon that they add on to their faith. I don’t know all of the ins and outs of that obviously God will sort that all out in the way He sees fit. I guess I’ve connected with her situation more as a loss to loss situation. Very interesting…I’ve never really been around the Mormon faith at all…And I guess I did want to say if you went and checked out her blog because I put it on this one then I wanted to make sure you understood where she stands as well. We usually feel confrontive when we deal with other faiths as Christians I think…but for me right now…loss seems to be something that unifies us and I’m just trying to honor God through any responses I have to her and her family.

I picked up a couple of family friendly movies today at Family Christian BOokstore…”Flywheel” and “Bella” I’m always a sucker for those kind of movies:). I also picked up “The Shack” book for my sister, Becky who I’m going to see this weekend…I want her to read it so that I can talk to her about it…If you havent’ read it yet…you should if you can keep a fairly open mind about it:). I also got the new Jeremy Camp CD…I’m looking forward to playing it tomorrow on the road trip so that I can get to know it. New CD’s have to grow on me a little…a good road trip will do that:). And picked up a Rascal Flatts Best Hits CD today as well…the main reason my eighth graders are going to sing “My WIsh” for their eighth grade song to end the year so I wanted to hear it directly from the source. I was going to play the piano but decided after listening to it that I’ll splurge for the CD accompaniment:).

ANyway…I hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow…I know I will:). This week we’ll do a little shopping, swimming, family time and maybe Silver Dollar City…we’ll see how we feel about it by Friday. Christmas Programs are coming close…but for now I just kind of want to put them out of my mind and be carefree this next five days.

Love

Ruth

Our life feels so different this week already without Lauren having musical practice every night. Tonight she even had her homework done already so when we came home…we’ve actually just been able to have free time…what a novel concept. We just got done watching Alvin and The Chipmunks at home…decided it was time for a Christmas movie. I didn’t bother taking Lydia to Violen tonight as she hadn’t even touched it with having grandparents here all weekend. But I will take her to tap/ballet in a little while. Otherwise…wow our life is suddenly much more freer. I can tell it feels strange for all three of us…I think we’re on a little detox of schedule over commitment and we’ve gone cold turkey…same week as Thanksgiving no less:).

Anyway, the grandparents all made it home safely. And we only have one more day of school…yippee!! We’re looking forward to doing a little shopping at Branson Landing, hanging out with Becky and Marty and maybe go to Silver Dollar City on Friday, we’ll see.

Do you all have big exciting plans for the week…lots of turkey, football, parades, and fun I’m sure. Hope this is a great week for you and yours.

Love,

Ruth

 

Here’s a funny on myself…I just got out of the hot tub to get ready for night church and in getting ready looked in the mirror only to discover that this morning without me realizing it I put on two different earrings. No one seemed to notice so it probably wasn’t any big deal but I just had to laugh. My parents headed out this afternoon around 2:30pm, was nice to have them go to church with us and out to lunch and to have some time to relax together before they left. I think we’re all back to normal here…laundry is going, sheets changed, homework done, etc. but I have to say this weekend was a really nice weekend. Makes me look forward to the holidays and having more time to sit around and be with family and friends.

This morning the sunday school class was about God being the living water, and how God gives us oasis’ in the middle of our wilderness/desert and we need to make sure we’re making time to be refreshed by God so that we can be full of the living water to have that come out of us and spill out on others around us. I think in the same way God gives us glimpses of heaven in our everyday life and for me those moments are like an oasis, they refresh me, remind me that I’m not home yet but that when I get there it will be awesome.

Hope your day was great! Two days of school this week seems like a piece of cake:). I’ve started talking to the girls about what they want to do while in Branson…we’re visiting my sister and brother in law but they will want time with just their family too so…I think we’ll probably do a little shopping at Branson Landing, enjoy the Christmas Decorations all through town, swim at the hotel and probably take in a movie or two…over all have a relaxing time. As you travel this week and have time with family and have good food and laughs I hope that you have a wonderful time. God is good and we have so much to be thankful for.

Love,

Ruth

Seemed so foreign yesterday to have a whole day at home. Which really puzzles me…wouldn’t seem like a big deal but I guess we must never do it normally. The girls enjoyed wearing their pj’s most of the day, making beaded crafts with grandma’s, playing a multitude of games from game boxes that had to be dusted off…says something doesn’t it. Grandma J. even got into the hot tub with the girls for a little while and Lydia for whatever reason needed to have the waterfall experience so my mom got wet while in her clothes standing in the sunroom which was kind of humerous and added some excitement to the moment. Last night we all watched The Nativity DVD…seemed like a good thing to do to bring in the season…to which my dad responded we haven’t even gotten through Thanksgiving yet…but we ignored his comment and watched it anyway:). By the evening Lauren and Grandma J. made a run to target…I couldn’t find my measuring tape and Grandma needed to measure the girls for their annual Christmas Pj’s. Lydia got the itch to go somewhere later in the evening and I had felt it a couple of time too. All I can figure is that we are so used to being on the run our bodies almost don’t seem to know how to adjust to not running. Scary, really…when I look back at myself as a child we were home most of the time, church and school were our big outings. We didn’t go shopping, go out to eat, run around all over the place. And we survived just fine. Makes me realize how much our culture has changed. I told Lydia no…we’re not going anywhere today and she ended up pulling out Uno to play with grandparents, I read a book but could hear the sounds of laughter filling our house as they played. Somehow I think I need to help my girls see more and more that we don’t have to run everywhere, everyday…we can enjoy just being at home too. I guess truthfully that starts with me…

I finished my book yesterday, or at least one of the books I’m reading called “Murder for Family” it was an incredibly powerful story about forgiveness and again an example that no matter how bad you think things are their are always people who are in worse situations and by the power of God are making it.

Mark’s parents have already headed out this morning to make the ten hour trip back home. It was nice for them to come this weekend…good for them, good for us…we’ll see them in four short weeks as this month always seems to fly by. My parents are going to church with us and then out to lunch and then will probably head out…they’re just headed up to Galesburg, IL today so I think it’s a 3-4 hour trip. Then they’ll go on home tomorrow.

Two days of school this week…Lauren will be in the musical the whole two days. And then it will be officially all over. Wednesday we head out for Branson to be gone for three nights to see my sister Becky and husband Marty and kids. It will be nice to have a change of pace and be able to hang out with them for a little bit. And then it’s into the Christmas rush…my decorations are up, my gifts are mainly bought, and I don’t do much baking like many women do…for me it becomes all about the Christmas Programs and various functions at school and church. And hopefully many times of just being at home watching a movie, or playing a game, or listening to Christmas songs together. I’m hopeful that we’ll have some quality times with friends over the holiday season, times to laugh, remember, tell stories, encourage one another. what do you enjoy about the holiday season?

Hope your day is great!

Love,

Ruth

So nice to be to a Saturday. Lauren had her last night musical performance last night and I was able to watch it from the front which was nice. She will still perform it 4 more times on Monday and Tuesday during the school day for the kids at school.

Yesterday was also progress report day for my kids. They have always been a/b kids as far as grades go so when both of them had one C on their report card yesterday it was a wake up call. Lauren apparently bombed a test about Mesopatania…(I can’t say much I don’t even know what that’s all about, where it is, etc.) but I’m sure to find out as she will be doing an extra credit project this weekend to try and boost that grade. Lydia has a C in science, the frustrating thing there is that grade is all based on one test over 4-5 weeks. Not a very good evaluation of true learning in my opinion but still it is how it is. So…I have a feeling we’ll be working harder on the science in the coming weeks. They’re only progress reports, but when teachers are clearly expressing that they feel your child can and should be doing better…and I’m a parent who believes in working hand in hand with school…it was just a reminder of how my life has changed and how my girls lives have changed. Could they have still gotten a C if Mark was still alive…I mean does everything always circle back to whether he’s with us or not. No…it could’ve still happened. But I have to tell you for me it was like a ton of bricks was added to my back. Science and Social Studies were Mark’s areas of strength when it came to homework with the girls and it seemed like a clear sign that we have a hole. I’m constantly aware that in the process of trying to make sure my kids have opportunities to take lessons, be involved with special activities, have a good home to come home to, clean clothes, a home cooked meal, a mom who is kind and patient, involved in church, homework done and done well and the list goes on and on that their are areas that fall through the cracks. While I know my list of stuff is no different than any parent…we’re all in the same boat…it was just one of those moments when I looked at their progress reports of being reminded that they’re struggling and hence…I’m obviously not accomplishing all that I want to as a mom. Part of that is me letting them take the responsibility and if they fail they fail. I mean they are old enough to take ownership…but I have a feeling I should be following their progress more closely. You know how it is in the afternoon…I say “Did you get your homework done?” They say yes and I let it go at that often out of pure exhaustion on my part.

So…after all of that…when I was sitting at the musical and waiting and waiting for Lauren to have her part:)…and then she finally came out and I saw her smile, and she was so clearly soaring on a high moment, feeling good, part of something bigger than herself, part of something that she had worked so hard for I captured that look and put it in my heart to remember forever. It was a glimpse of heaven and for all of the other stuff that may or may not be getting done, I was suddenly aware that all of the time was worth it. She left last night saying she wanted to try out next year too…Kind of like having a baby I guess, once you hold it in your arms it seems worth the time and pain:).

Yesterday I was tempted to worry about my girls, especially Lauren, their are so many things to protect her from, drugs so rampant, and all the other normal teenager stuff…I was reminded in my spirit that even though Lauren is innocent and somewhat naive ultimately God loves her even more than I do and I’ve got to count on Him holding up His end of the deal. You would think I would know by now that He will but sometimes I’m tempted to worry…By bed time when all three of us were sleeping in my bedroom I felt at peace, especially when after Lauren had been to a cast party with friends having a great time she leaned over to me last night and said “Mom…I missed having time with you and Lydia today.” (Grandparents too) I assured her that we would have today to spend time together…

Anyway, I hope your day is great! We’re enjoying time with family today. Mom’s currently making French Toast for the girls and we have no big plans thankfully!!

Love,

Ruth