The Jackson Family Online

I’ve been completely wiped out in the past 24 hours. I came home from school yesterday, took a three hour nap and probably could’ve slept for the night except the fact that my girls were starting to want me to wake up. I just felt achy all over and exhausted and I’ve developed a cough. After that three hour nap the girls and I went to bed last night and slept for 12 hours…obviously my body is calling out for sleep…and I could’ve gone back to bed except I needed to get Lauren to her drum lesson…I’m having one of those days where I’m looking at my house, seeing the work that needs to be done but having very little motivation to start. I did schedule a massage for myself on Monday…so that’s some thing to look forward to.

The girls seem to be doing fine for the most part. They’re getting a little stir crazy, want to go out. I’m taking Lauren up to the skit dress rehearsal at 2pm…and she’ll be their the rest of the day. We had a bit of a dilemma about whether to have her still be in it of not…but her case is mild enough that we decided it should be fine. The girls and I are skipping the dinner part and just going to the skit. Which is a bummer but better than nothing as I keep telling my girls.

Anyway, Praise God it’s the weekend!

Love,

Ruth

I’m totally worn out tonight. Thank God it’s Friday!! I’m not sure if I’m trying to catch something or what but I have that scratchy feeling in my throat and ache all over…not a good sign to be sure. The girls seem to be doing fine with their chicken pox, Lydia’s case is still worse than lauren’s…which is good because Lydia has a little more will power when it comes to not scratching than Lauren does:). It’s been another day of school where I have to tell you…we seem to be raising a generation of children who are not respectful, don’t understand that whether any body is looking or not you should do the right thing and definitely don’t understand that God gave them one mouth and two ears for a reason. In truth…they learn their habits from us adults and I guess we must not be passing on character traits like respect, responsibility, integrity, etc. very well. At least that’s what I’m observing. I’ve taught for 10 years now and I have to tell you in today’s classroom…bad behavior doesn’t stand out…good behavior does…when I see a kid who is respectful, kind, smart, has character, etc. I always make it a point to talk to their parents and let them know they are on the right track. It shows…and I also point those kids out to my kids regularly and say…”that is the kind of boy you want to date.” It’s rare…sad but true.

Tonight the girls and I had tickets purchased to go see The Jonas brothers in D3 at the local movie theatre…they’re hoping that they might still be able to go…their cases of chicken pox are definitely not as severe probably due to the fact that they were immunized but still I hate to pass it on to others…although someone obviously passed it on to us…And I’ve come to the conclusion it must not be a school thing because they attend different schools and came down with it to close together in time…it’s not at church, so that’s not the place either…who knows….any restaurant, store, etc. could be a place to pick up that kind of stuff I’m sure. From what I hear Chicken Pox is a spring related thing. And there is much confusion on when it’s actually contagious…I’ve heard if you have a fever, until they scab over, in the first day or two…etc.

Lauren is going to be able to do her dinner theatre thing tomorrow night…I’m just not going to take her to the dinner…which is a bummer…but at least she can do the skit.

i am so glad we have three days off. I need them! I didnt’ end up taking a nap yesterday…you know how it is…have plans to and then get occupied doing other things. Oh well…at least I made it through another day!

Have a great weekend!

Love,

Ruth

We’re supposed to get snow tomorrow…I sure hope that means that March will go out like a lamb…

Maybe it’s good that both girls have the chicken pox together, gives them someone to play with at home:). They were so thrilled about getting out of school…guess what they’re doing right now…playing school on our front porch. I find that to be a hillarious irony:). I used to do the same thing so it’s not too strange. They’ve watched a movie together, Lydia has taken a couple of baths…she was actually still in bed when I got home at Lunchtime with Lauren which I found amazing but I did give her benadryll so I’m sure that knocked her out. I can’t take that stuff unless I know I have a good long time to sleep it off. Lydia’s case of chicken pox seems to be larger and more significant than Lauren’s but I have to admit that Lauren clearly does have at least a mild case. At least it will be over for them now for the rest of their lives:). Because we’re going to be home bound for a little while…I went to the grocery store and stocked up…so although I was supposed to start weight watchers tonight with Lauren…well instead I’m sitting here eating “Mocha Chip” ice cream…and it’s delicious. I did try to watch the salt level on stuff I bought…I know I”m pathetic.

I think I’m going to go take a nap…

Love,

Ruth

I’m currently at home…a bit early for the day….had to bring Lauren home with the chicken pox today…it’s a mild case but none the less, enough red spots that the nurse felt that it was time to go home. So…I’m not sure what this will mean for her dinner theatre wise this weekend…which is my biggest concern, she’s put a lot of time and effort into it and invited teachers to come, etc. so I hope she can still do it…we’ll see. Both girls will be out of school until Tuesday, thankfully we already had Monday off.

SO…I’m about ready to run to the grocery store as it appears we will be home bound for a few days…

I’m fine with it all…and the girls aren’t complaining too much about feeling bad so…in a way it’s kind of like getting an unexpected break…I’ll still go to school tomorrow, but just the fact that I won’t have to get around two girls at the same time makes for an easier start for me than usual.

Have a great day!

Ruth

When I woke up Lydia this morning I discovered she had an amazing amount of red spots on her back and stomach…I had the thought go through my mind that it might be chicken pox, but since she has had the vaccine figured probably not, and I haven’t heard of anyone else in her school having it…but then again, they’re not always real good about notifying us parents so…I had her go to school. Probably shouldn’t have since after school, upon me looking up pictures of chicken pox on the internet compared to her spots they seemed to match, I then had a conversation with our doctor who is still on vacation…hate bothering him…which further confirmed the diagnosis I had made…then upon dropping Lauren off to skit practice tonight we ran into Mindy B. who is a nurse practitioner and she visually confirmed it. So…Lydia has the chicken pox. Can I just say one more time…I am so thankful that God gave me the clarity of mind to back out of the musical on Monday. WHo knew then that I would be dealing with a major Egyptian project and chicken pox this week. Lydia is going to stay home the rest of the week. She’s majorly bummed about missing Lauren’s performance at the dinner theatre…I’ll video tape it for her, but she really wanted to be there. SHe loves the part about missing school:). Thankfully she’s old enough I think I can go to work in the morning, pop home at lunch and check on her and then get right home after school and I shouldn’t have to take any time off of work. Not that I’m not willing to…but right now with my schedule, and contests fast approaching it would be a really bad time to do that. If necessary…I will. THankfully too, it’s going to be a three day weekend for us, which helps!

We did get Lauren’s pyramid together…using about 1200 sugar cubes:). Hopefully Elmer’s glue holds it all together…after I read your comment Robin I thought…maybe I should’ve opted for the tacky glue…then we put sand over all of the cubes with still more glue and that seems to look pretty realistic. I used one of my ceramic tiles left over from the sunroom addition for the base…it was conveniently sand colored:). I also went and checked out Baxter’s today as someone else suggested…and I found some cool Egyptian jewelry. So we now have a necklace, bracelet and an arm cuff thing. I told Lydia…congratulations, you just got your Halloween costume for next year, you can be an Egyptian princess…thankfully if you tie in the word Princess she’s always content with that:).

So…the main part is done with that. Tomorrow Lauren has to write up a paragraph about all of it and we need to gather the stuff…Jared I loved your ideas…you’re going to love doing these kind of projects with your kids! We’re going to take your suggestion for the mummy for sure. Overall I just want to tell you thank you that you all would care enough to give me suggestions and websites!

Tomorrow Lauren and I are planning on starting Weight Watchers…we’re both kind of dreading it. O.k. we both know that we need it, there’s no question about that…but how bad do we really want to do this…are we really ready and willing to make the needed changes…I hope so. I think having the support group will help. It would be easy to skip tomorrow night with Lydia’s chicken pox but she’s encouraging us to still go…right now I think Lauren and I better not let our selves make any excuses or we’ll cave as usual. Ugh!

Hope your day was great….

Love,

Ruth

O.k. all you parents out there who have had to do crazy projects with your kids over the years…Lauren just told me tonight that she has to have a whole Egyptian scene ready in 3D by Friday…yes she has known about the project for a couple of weeks…but didn’t tell me til tonight. She’s supposed to have a pyramid, and all the stuff that goes in it, mummy, jewelry, clothing, weapons, etc. that is Egyptian. Had I known earlier I could’ve probably found something online and ordered it or something…but do you all have any ideas…we looked at the toy section at Target, Deals, etc. but no egyptian stuff…I think we’re going to use sugar cubes for the pyramid if I can find some at the grocery store tomorrow and then just put glue on it all and stick sand to it. This ought to be truly exciting:). Anyway if you have any thoughts…or previous experience leave me a comment:).

Hey…by the way, tonight I went to a recital to accompany a couple of groups and talked to the music teacher who was going to play the piano in my place for the musical…I guess I’m not totally off my rocker because she went to one practice, took a look at the music and told me tonight that she’s not going to do it. I have to tell you I’ve never seen music like what was handed to me…and she had the same reaction…their is some comfort in knowing that it wasn’t just me…I’m sure they’ll find somebody…but they really need somebody who can play by ear…since not much is written out…the only problem is it’s not all on the CD…so I’m not sure how they would hear it to play by ear…but that’s a small complication right:)?!?

Anyway…no honor choir in the morning…what an amazing concept to just have to show up for school at the normal time…Wow!!

Off to bed,

Ruth

It’s been a normal Tuesday…normal class load. I have to admit I kind of took it easy this morning and showed a Stomp DVD…I don’t do that kind of thing much but it seemed like a good day to give myself a little break, and the kids love it so it’s all good.

Tonight Lydia has Pom’s and I have a Recital to go to, so that I can accompany a couple of groups. Other than that, no big plans.

I think the last couple of days I’ve seemed a little more “down” or “depressed” to those around me. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, or in this case my face I guess. I don’t think I am either of those things really…but when you’re feeling a little iffy physically that has an effect and for me the whole quitting thing sits hard, everybody else probably lets me off the hook but I was raised to not be a quitter so it goes against my grain. Kind of like when we switched churches this fall…that was a hard decision, and has had hard consequences, I had a couple of close friendships that completely stopped at that point and that’s been a hard reality to live with. However in both cases, changing churches and quitting the musical I know I made the right decision…maybe I could’ve handled it differently…but ultimately I know I did the right thing for me and my girls. Anyway…I have to let it go…not worry about what others think, easier said than done and not second guess myself, again easier said than done. I think part of my really wanted to the musical because I knew Mark would be proud of me for going for it. Sometimes I live my life based on what I think he would want me to do in some small degree…but that’s not very realistic…if he was still in the picture I probably would’ve done it…but then again I would’ve had a partner at home to cover that end of things. I can’t really live my life based on something that isn’t reality.

I haven’t written much this week…o.k. I’ve actually written zero, so saying “not much” isn’t quite accurate:). Maybe tonight. We’ve just been going to bed earlier and frankly when the kids have gone to bed I’ve collapsed into bed myself. Tomorrow morning I do have the luxury of having no before school choir so that’s awesome. Instead during that time I’m going to Lydia’s elementary school to have breakfast with her for their Young Author award breakfast. So that will be quality time with Lydia.

I hope you’re having a wonderful day. It’s actually quite mild out today here which is nice, and supposed to be up to 60 degrees tomorrow!! Woohoo!!! I am so looking forward to shedding my winter coat and putting the winter stuff away. I tend to be on the cutting edge for first person to bring out the flip flops and sandals:). Richard, my old neighbor used to laugh at me and the girls…we would go barefoot when it was still quite chilly in our backyard and not think a thing of it…now that I think about it…he had a lot of moments to chuckle at our antics:). Sometimes the girls wish we still lived in that house on Englewood. I’m not totally sure why God had us move a mile down the road…but this is where we are…so I have to figure this is supposed to be where we should be. When I look at my house I can see myself living here for many years to come. Even when the girls go off to college. The house fits my personality…who knows Maybe God knew that and that’s why we moved, if nothing else we’ve gotten to know more people in our community so that’s good too.

Better run…

Ruth

Just wanted to update you…I did go to my doctor today, he happens to be on vacation this week, but his office staff is so wonderful, they took my blood pressure, made a phone call to the doctor and he called in a prescription so that will hopefully start to help. Lauren and I are going to be brave and go to our first Weight Watcher’s experience on Thursday night so that should be interesting. We’re a little nervous, who wouldn’t be…but we’ll be fine and I think it will probably help us dramatically to have encouragement, support and ideas to help us get to where we want to be.

They’ve found another music teacher to play the piano for the musical…or at least that’s how I think it’s turning out and although I took backing out kind of hard…made me feel like a loser in someways all day..I know it was the right thing to do. And tonight it felt so good to sit down and watch the news on tv and be in my p.j.’s and just relax. Time is my most precious resource and I need to guard it more. Lydia is at dance right now but she has decided to pare down and just do Pom’s come March so that will free up an evening. Lydia will just focus on violen and poms and that’s good enough. And Lauren will focus on drums and is going to get back into swimming…it’s a great sport for her, she’s good at it and it’s great exercise. For me…well I’m just trying to be more present in my present. For me that tends to be a challenge:).

Had kind of a fiasco with Lauren’s young author book, she was told early on that her book was going to county…then I never got any paper work, finally I emailed her teacher last week and got an email that yes she was going to county. On Saturday when they were announcing the names at the District gathering her’s was not mentioned as going to county… I figured it was an oversight…emailed the leader…and found out that while her book was on the first list…they had since taken it off of the final list…another great example of great communication…fortunately Lauren’s gone a couple of times and didn’t see it as too big of a deal…she’ll just hang out with me while Lydia is doing her activities that day. But I was kind of annoyed…oh well…

Hope your day was great…we’re supposed to get some warmer weather this week…yeah!!! I am so ready for spring…won’t be long now.

Love,

Ruth

I quit the musical this morning. I woke up in the night was thinking through my schedule, the things I have to do vs. the things I’ve added on that could be dropped and the musical was a clear thing to let go. I was honored to be asked to participate, I enjoy my coworkers so I wanted to work with them, I’ve never done a musical so I thought it would be a new experience for me…but in the end I knew it would be a ton of extra hours, a ton of stress on my part while I tried to decipher the music and again if anything would be pushed to the back of the line it would be me and my health. Something I don’t think I can afford to do right now. So…I quit…I hate that feeling…but I had to choose life…and for me today this is what that meant. I know I”ve let them down and that doesn’t sit well with me…but I had to choose to let someone down and I felt like it was coming to letting them down or my kids and I chose to let them down. I do feel relieved in a small way. Now…this morning I’m going to get in touch with my doctor…get on some medicine and that will be my next step in choosing life…and then I’m making a visit to weight watchers…look out world…:)

Just in case you might have forgot the theme of Mark’s funeral was “Choose Life”…kind of interesting that is the theme I woke up with:).

Love,

Ruth

Thoughts from Ruth #839…I’ve actually now posted that many times…amazing! Actually what’s more amazing is if you’ve read very many of those posts. You know that whole “Follow Me” thing…I got thinking tonight, we tend to see that as a radical thing, I mean how could they just pick up their lives and follow after CHrist at a moment’s notice (I’m talking about the disciples here)…but haven’t you ever had days in your life when if God walked up and said…”Come on, you’re done  here, come with me…” that you would’ve jumped at the opportunity. I’ve been having one of those kind of nights…where I Just want to abandon ship, in a multitude of ways…I’ve been running through my mind the normal…WHy am I teaching anyway thoughts…is their someway I can stop teaching, etc. It’s my normal thought process especially as I face another week so nothing new…and then it leads to…exactly why did I just commit to a musical that is going to require a huge amount of practice after school, what was I thinking…did I really pray through that or did I just go out on my own there…

I’ve been in one of those modes where I want to sell all our possessions, move to the country and live off the land. It’s my radical I want a simple life mood. I recognize it well as I seem to have it come and go from time to time on a somewhat regular basis. It’s my…I’m overwhelmed and feeling like I’m about to go down and I want to abandon ship.

Tonight I went to church, sat by myself…which is normally fine, not a big deal. We had a baptism service which under normal circumstances is one of my favorite services. the power of a changed life is incredible and it was, but the whole time we were singing I could barely sing and I just sat there and cried, not sobbing, nothing that anybody else probably even noticed…and if they did they would’ve probably thought I was having a deep spiritual moment…as pathetic as it sounds…I wasn’t…I was crying because I felt utterly homesick. It seems that not only do I want to abandon everything in my work world and responsibilities but I was feeling like I just want to go, take me now…I don’t want to sit here and have a worship experience here when I could be with the King of Kings right now. I don’t want to go through what is a nice service when it just feels surreal to me and I just want to move it along so that I can get to the real thing. By the way, the service was very nice so this is no reflection on my church!! It’s a reflection on my heart condition. I was feeling overwhelmed…and alone in a crowd and just wanted a way out. It didn’t help that nurse Tony came up to me tonight and made me aware that my blood pressure from this morning was high enough that I could have a stroke…she checked it again tonight and it was the same…she actually considered having me go to the ER this afternoon…So…tomorrow I’m going to call my doctor and get back on blood pressure medicine of some kind and try to get it under control.

Again, it’s the stinking reality that I cannot keep everything in balance. And while I know that is just the way it is here on this earth…well frankly I’ve had enough and want to get off.

And then to top it off…when I got home I realized that I have no one to even talk to about any of this…it’s an incredibly lonely feeling to realize that if I’m going to share my heart it means going to a computer screen and typing out my feelings and hoping someone cares enough to read it. I did break down and called my sister MaryAnne and I could call friends or family…this is not a reflection on my family and friends…I guess it’s just that when you are in the state I was in tonight…you don’t want to have to pick up the phone and call somebody, or get on the computer…I wanted to have a talk with my mate tonight, just he and I on the couch, talking heart to heart. And I have nobody in my life and I realize that for me tonight the thought of not having anyone to share life makes me feel like I don’t want to be here.

So…it’s Sunday night…and like I said…I’m thinking o.k. Jesus say “Come Follow Me” so that I can abandon everything and go…but I’m finding that instead He’s saying…”Ruth…stay” for me that command is much harder than a pick up and drop everything command. It’s how I’m wired, I enjoy change, I like to move, to rearrange furniture, to go new places, etc. For me to stay and keep plodding along goes against my grain, I get restless, irritable, overwhelmed. The morning will make it all look better I’m sure…I’m lonely…and although I know God is with me…and I’m not having a crisis of faith…this is just my hard spot to be in today.

SOmetimes we just have to accept our station in life wherever and whatever that is…and that’s where I am to be sure. It is what it is…

I’m really not as spiritual as you might think…I’m very real…exposed, lonely and often on the edge of desperation…the only thing keeping me afloat is God and two precious girls that I need to be here for. I will finish the race…even if I have to crawl:)

Love,

Ruth