The Jackson Family Online

It’s been a good Sunday overall. The weather is beautiful which is good since we’re having a picnic in the park tonight instead of our normal church service. This morning I was the person to put together the elements for communion…you would think that after 38 years I would’ve had that experience before…but I haven’t. Thank you to those of you who have done it over and over…it’s one of those unnoticed jobs in the church that just magically appears for the rest of the church to experience. Actually, it’s not all that magical:). But what I’m trying to say is thank you.

In remembering Christ’s death today during communion I was reminded of Mark…maybe just the overall theme of death. And I sat in my pew today missing him, again the familiar feeling of missing being loved…don’t get me wrong I have wonderful family and friends…but to be loved at a soul level, physical, emotional, etc. where someone notices you when you walk in the room…I haven’t felt that way in a long time and I have no reason to believe that I will anytime in the near future. Maybe that’s selfish…but it is honest. The amazing thing for me today is that while I was taking communion I was reminded of God’s love for me, and the fact that He chose me and again it is enough. I may have moments when I feel like it’s not…but mentally I know it is.

This afternoon I had the wonderful experience of deep cleaning my carpets with a steam cleaner…I say wonderful because to me it seems so nice to see the brightness that returns to carpet when it’s steam cleaned…and I’m one of those odd birds who gets some kind of kick out of seeing the water that I dump out and getting the appropriate ewww…that’s gross out of my kids:). After having some flooding in my closet area it was time to deal with the after effects of that. Beyond that I think I’m in good shape for the week. Need to finish some laundry tonight but that’s normal.

I’m so glad tomorrow is our last student day of school. It feels like everyone else is already out so it seems strange that we’re still in…but soon it will be done! This week I need to get my car in to make sure it’s ready to hit the road again…only a week away. Yesterday I had fun arranging tours, and making plans for what we’re going to do. I love to find things out in advance that give me a heads up or give me some kind of tip to make the experience better. I guess it’s kind of like finding a great deal at a store or something:). In Philadelphia we’re planning on going to the aquarium and the next day will tour Independance Hall/Liberty Bell area and then we are doing the “Ride the Ducks” tour of it all. For some that may sound dorky but my girls and I enjoy the ride, get a kick out of the tour guide…his story and humor and so I know we’ll enjoy that experience. We’ve done it in Washington D.C. and Branson as well. Then I found out that at Hershey Park…if I go to the local Giant Food stores than I can get discount tickets and free parking…and we can go the night before from 7:30-10:00pm as a free preview with our next day’s tickets. Those are the kind of things that if you don’t check it out on the internet you don’t know about it. Maybe not a big deal…but it makes me feel like I got the best deal which is a good feeling. Anyway…this week is about emptying Lauren’s room entirely…she’s having new flooring and walls and ceiling painted in her room while we’re gone so…I need to clear it all out. This week is also about finishing school…and then it’s also all about getting ready for our trip.

Tomorrow night we have our first church “singles” event, I think about 7-8 of us are going to El Mezcal and then bowling…I hope it works out well…we’re definitely a hodge podge of people and life experience but who knows maybe that will make it more exciting:).

Hope your weekend was great!

Ruth

Seems so nice to be to another weekend! For some reason yesterday my blog site had some problems…but it appears that it’s all fine today:). I have one more day of school on Monday, but for all practical purposes…I’m done so that feels good. Last night Lauren and I went in and got our hair cut, and I have to tell you Lauren looks amazing!! By the time we left one of the ladies asked her if she was 17 years old and she wasn’t joking. I won’t give any details as Lauren wants to surprise family in Michigan by them seeing her first…but let me just tell you…by the time we hit the beach and she gets tan as she always does and her hair naturally highlights itself from the sun…well she’ll be quite the summer beauty…already is:). She also got her eyebrows done…which for a girl like Lauren with bushy eyebrows is always a major change…:).

Then we came home and watched Spiderman 3…so now we’ve seen it all. It’s funny, the girls didn’t enjoy the third one as much…I think basically because Spiderman is somewhat of a bad guy in that movie and they wanted him to be good. Also there were several villians so it was a bit much to keep up with but still ended well:).

Today we have no big plans, a day at home for the most part, usual house stuff for me. Who knows maybe later on tonight we’ll go see “Up” the new Disney movie that just came out this weekend. As you can probably tell the girls and I enjoy movies…who knows maybe it came from not being able to go throughout my entire childhood:)…that used to be a strict no no in the Free Methodist church…not such a big deal anymore.

I need to get ready for a Sunday school class that I’m facilitating tomorrow about “Why Prayer Matters” so that should be interesting…I’m curious to see what the DVD brings out about that topic. I’m also doing the communion elements which is the first time I’ve ever been the one assigned to do that job…

Yesterday I was reading the story of David and Bathsheba…found it interesting that when Nathan came to talk to David, to confront him on his sin…he says that the Lord God of Israel says…”I chose you….I saved you….I gave you…..I gave you…and if this were too little, I would give you as much more…why have you hated the Word of the Lord by doing what is bad in His eyes? You have killed…you have taken…you have killed….so now..” 2Sam. 12

I’m fascinated by the verbs in this chapter…as a parent how many times do you have these kind of conversations with your children…you look at them and realize the great sacrifices that you’ve made for them and know you would be willing to sacrifice more if needed and yet often children don’t grasp that until they are parents themselves…and so they take and make bad choices instead. Yesterday I was talking with a teacher friend and we were talking about how the general view of parents and kids alike today seems to be that they always feel that they deserve one more chance…give me one more chance…I can do this…no one ever wants the hammer to fall, the consequence to occur, the line to be drawn…but what does it teach a kid if the consequence never follows the action, if mercy is always given, if a clean slate is granted everyday…their has to be a balance…some consequences, some justice, some heart change, true confession and brokeness or no change occurs. And I was talking with a first grade teacher about this…this is a process that starts when kids are very young. In this section of scripture I think we see a clear model when sin or bad choices occur…a consequence must follow and for David even though repentance and forgiveness occurred he still had to pay the cost. It dawned on me yesterday this will be what judgement day looks like…I can just see people coming before God begging for one more chance and honestly maybe even thinking they deserve it…we’re lulled into that philosophy in this world…and God will have to draw the line. Is that a cruel God…I don’t think so…parents who draw the line, who stick to the consequence, who tough it out when they want to cave are generally parents who love their children with all their heart and soul. It’s not easy, I was talking to the person who cut my hair last night about her girls…they’re grounded for the weekend for talking back, being disrespectful and we were talking about this very point, how easy it is to cave and give in. I encouraged her to hold the line…she’s nervous about the teenage years…but I encouraged her to keep at it. I am so grateful that God gave my girls their dad as young children…Mark excelled in holding the line…you don’t see that in many fathers today but he had the right mix of tender love and affection and firmness that would not be moved no matter how many tears. Occasionally my kids who are very normal kids have to test the boundaries, push it with mom…but I have to tell you I have never had to ground my kids…generally I’ve been able to think of some natural consequence that gets to them…and more than that they have the foundation where they know good and well choices lead to consequences…and they experienced them enough as small children to understand that they want to stay in the boundaries. Sometimes we talk now about some of the things that the kids had to experience…some of the consequences that were radical and we can smile about it now…already they realize that because of those early life shaping events they know how to behave…they go to schools everyday where they see kids who don’t know how and it really highlights it for them and me.

I believe in this society that thinks everybody deserves chance after chance with no consequence…part of being a Christian is making sure people understand that while God is love He is also just and there will come a day when the chances are all up. In a society that makes fun of us for holding the line…acts like we’re fuddy duddy about it…we need to keep holding it…if we truly care about the people in this world we will. We’re not called to buddy buddy up to the world anymore than we are called to be our child’s best friend…we’re called to be the light, to guide others to the truth, there will be plenty of time for the best friend thing in heaven…for now…let’s hold the line, allow natural consequences to occur…and not be afraid to be uncool in the world’s eyes. From what I see on a daily basis…those are the best parents who have the children who turn out well…and the work of today definitely pays off in the future. Play now, pay later…Pay now, play later…I want to be about the last part of that quote.

Hope you have a great weekend!

Love,

Ruth

I just finished my grades for the year…so good to be done!! Can’t believe that I only have two student days left and they’re pretty light as far as that goes. Now I just need to finish packing up my elementary school…but that won’t take too long. The end is in sight.

Today I had to tell a few students that they would not be able to be in choir next year…it always amazes me the students that you deal with their behavior/attitude everyday, I even sit down and talk with them, tell them the consequences of the craziness…and yet I had some who even had the nerve to want to try out for honor choir today for next year, maybe nerve isn’t the right word…I honestly think probably more accurate is the word ignorance, how is that until the hammer falls we don’t get a clear picture of who we are sometimes. I had a girl cry about it quite a bit today…she knows what the year’s been like but for whatever reason it didn’t ever occur to her that the line would be drawn even though I know I’ve told her it would be. She may join back up in January…sometimes I tell certain kids…if you really want to be in it bad enough…a few months off will help you understand that change is required…and if you want it bad enough you’ll be willing to make the changes. So…only time will tell. I’m straight up with the kids…so it should be no surprise and yet sometimes it is.

I’m definitely gearing up for next year…I can tell the minutia of our everyday processes is going to become extremely important to me…I have a feeling that I’ll have some kids who have had me already wonder…why is Mrs. Jackson being so picky. I had some kids this week already ask me “Mrs. Jackson…why are you mad?” Because I was telling them to sit down and face front…oh the audacity of me asking them to do those thing (read with sarcasm). Sometimes I wonder, I was watching the news last night about the reality that there are all kinds of jobs out there in this terrible economic time…the real issue is often that some people aren’t willing to work, to get their hands dirty, to tough it out…Ah…that is what I see on a daily basis. I’m not saying it’s true for everybody, and I’m not saying I like the dirty jobs anymore than the next person, but I can tell you this, I’ve done my share…and if I had to, I would do it again. We’ve become a people who want everything handed to us…and don’t want to work for anything…at least that’s what I see in many. I actually pulled up to a red light today and a lady opens her door and dumps all of her cigarette butts on the road in a pile, then she shut her door, the light turned green and she took off…Now why in the world couldn’t she have done the same thing the next time she was near a trash can…as if we don’t have enough easy access trash cans all around. It speaks to a much deeper problem, where we live like animals rather than people, we lower our standards for ourselves and increase our expectations from others, we’re ready to sue anybody if they don’t meet our needs. I have days when I look at my kids at school and I wonder…what jobs will they have someday…how in the world will they ever succeed in anything…who am I going to read about in the paper for good and bad things, who will have babies before they should, who will satisfy for so much less than God created them to have. I also see kids that are bound to succeed and that keeps me encouraged…but sometimes I have to say it’s a little discouraging when you’ve worked with kids all year long, or even multiple years and you can tell the basic lessons of respect, thinking of others before yourself, sacrifice, working hard, have not gotten through. I can only do so much. And I have to keep the big picture in my head and for some at this time of year that means being dropped for the sake of the rest.

I could very well have more drop in the fall…I’m going to hit it hard, not give much slack, expect excellence in everything, and frankly not give many warnings…I’m tired of most of the processes of trying to correct attitude and behavior and am ready to deal with the cold hard reality that when I say the choir is the cream of the crop, the best of the best…then either that’s how you act and behave or you’re not here. I hope that vision is caught, I hope my room becomes a place where their are high expectations and those expectations are met…only time will tell.

ANyway…it’s good to be almost to a break time again.

Tonight the girls and I had a marathon session of watching Spider man 1 and 2…now I need to go get #3. That one came out right before Mark died…one of the last coherent conversations I remember having with Mark was the fact that he wanted to go see it:). Maybe tomorrow…

It’s supposed to be hot and sunny tomorrow…at least no rain, for that we can be thankful!

Ruth

ok…I think we’ve all had just about as much rain as we want to see for a little while… I feel like I’m living in a Rainforest or something…looked out at my neighbor’s yard today and literally the trees behind their fence are taking over the fence. Everything is definitely saturated! And no I haven’t caved yet and gone to air conditioning although I have to admit the whole damp house feel isn’t exactly fun…I’ve just added more fans:). Still trying to dry out my closet floor…we’ve just had a ton of rain and even with my power fan blowing on it, it’s taking some time. Oh well…(anything is better than my freezer last summer…that whole experience put everything in life in perspective:).

I’m trying kids out today for honor choir next year…seems hard to believe but true. I’m also putting music into folders for next year already…again…I know it may seem early, but when I leave school I like to leave it at a place where I can just about walk back in and be good to go.

Trip wise…I’m thinking through that in more detail…I like a certain amount of it to be structured/planned and some time to be spontaneous…I was asking the girls today about New Orleans, trying to feel out what tour would most interest them…I’ve ruled out the cemetary/ghost tours and the swamp…I’ll leave that for other people…but that leaves the Katrina tour, the walking tours through the city, and plantation tours. Lauren is most interested in Katrina…and I have to say I’m interested in that as well…after watching it all on tv it would be interesting to see it first hand (without the life threatening part of course:), Lydia is most interested in the plantation experience as she is my history girl…loves reading about all of the wars and is soaking in every detail. So…we’ll probably do a bit of both and then just do some walking around in the French Quarter (good food, fun shopping…) In Savanah I think we’ll do one of those horse drawn carriage tours, it’s nothing big but I always enjoy those…they give you a brief highlight on everything…and when you only have a bit of time…that works. Philadelphia…well Independence Hall seems like a necessity while we’re there that whole Liberty Bell thing and all:)…I can tell the whole Benjamin Franklin thing is big so I’m sure we’ll do some of that kind of stuff…otherwise it’s fun at the beach for us:). I love making the plans, dreaming it all up…in fact I’ve been so in that mode this week that I’ve not been to bed before midnight yet…I try but my mind is just spinning wanting to think about it all:). And some of the stuff I’m glad I’m thinking of as many things need to be booked in advance…good to know. Read about a restaurant last night in Savannah where you show up at a certain time and everybody sits down at tables of 10 and is served the same thing…basically you’re eating with strangers…good food…who knows maybe we’ll try it out. Those kind of things make it memorable:).

No big plans for the evening tonight, except I’m going to the doctor…I’m so used to having poison ivy that I’ve just been living with it…but decided that I should probably get that taken care of before heading out on a trip as I seem to keep getting new areas…they asked me today where it is located at…I said…pretty much everywhere…both arms, both legs, stomach, neck…I must have a pretty high tolerance for it now as it hasn’t been bothering me too much:).

ANyway…hope your day is going great and you’re staying dry. I only have 2 more days of school!!! Woohoo…the finish line is definitely in sight now!

Love,

Ruth

Happy Wednesday!

Had a nice time going out with Lori this morning…good to just talk, to trace how God has taught us lessons along the way, made us the people we are today. I was reading this morning in my bible…wish I could say I do that every morning…but I don’t, I was reading about David in 2 Samuel 5. David is known as a man after God’s own heart…so I automatically respect him and want to know what it is about him that God was so pleased with. For me today in reading I found myself tracing the process of how David thought and acted. I found words like “David asked the Lord, should I…” “And the Lord said” “David did just as the Lord told him.” and the fact that “David understood that the Lord had made him the King of Israel, and that the Lord had given honor to David’s rule because of His people Israel.” The verbs, the process of how David lived his life for the most part, not including his biggest blunders and sins, tell me a lot about how I need to process things, what steps need to be taken before I move…how often do I skip the first step of even asking God…and do I really know God’s voice so well that when He speaks I can honestly say I know what He has said…and once I’ve heard do I actually do just as the Lord has said. Do I live with the basic understanding that the Lord has made me who I am…it is the Lord who gives honor to us, we are nothing without the Lord. Do I have a proper perspective of where I am on the scale of value…it’s all about God and who He is…I find it encouraging that as I read David following through on this process he is given blessing and success after success, you read words like “for then the Lord will have gone out before you to destroy…” that’s what I want to see happening in my life…the Lord going out before me clearing the way. Just a thought…

It’s been interesting to think about going to New Orleans, LA soon…I’ve been talking to Ron about it as I’m taking his daughter Danielle with me…it’s one of those cities that doesn’t exactly have the best reputation as far as crime goes…although not many cities do have the best crime rates…but still it’s kind of flamboyant about it, I would guess kind of like Las Vegas. While I’m not interested in participating in the night scene I do have a sense that the city will be a unique place for us to go to…we’ll stay to the well populated, well lit areas and not be out after daylight….we’ll be as street smart as we can…and leave the rest to God…it is so good to know that not a hair drops from me head without Him allowing it to happen. That’s what I call peace:). We’ll be in New Orleans for three nights. Basically here’s the run down of our upcoming trip…

We head out on June 7th…will get as far as Memphis

next three days in New Orleans

next two days in Savanna Georgia

one day at Myrtle Beach

one week at a house on the ocean on Hatteras Island, North Carolina

two days in Philadelphia

two days at Hershey, PA and then drive 13 hours to get home:). Wanted to finish with a bang I guess…we’ll get home on the 25th.

Should be fun…memorable, exciting, relaxing, etc. I’m curious to see what stories we’ll be laughing about months later…it’s funny the stories that stick…

Anyway…have a great day!

Ruth

Another day has come and gone…I stayed up too late last night making reservations and maps for our upcoming trip…so morning came early:). I did get smart today though and organized my classes so that I took four classes at one time…hence freeing up some time in my morning. Since I was just showing Nemo…it worked out. We’re not doing real intense music lessons at the moment:).

We’ve been having more rain, and storms that whip up in just a short time it seems…I feel like I’m constantly opening and shutting windows…my kids are starting to ask when I’m going to turn on the air conditioning but I haven’t given in yet. Tonight I got inspired to move my strawberry plants to a more sunny location. They looked good along the side of my house…and had lots of green but very little strawberries and people who would visit kept questioning my wisdom of planting them in a shady location…so I decided that maybe if I moved them to a sunny location I might actually get some bigger nicer strawberries yet this summer. What I didn’t realize is how much they’ve multiplied…So…I went to Lowe’s… as mentioned before, the storms have been coming up quickly lately…and while I was at Lowe’s walking around in the outdoor area it poured…thankfully I was prepared with an umbrella so I thought all was well…was impressed with myself for being so prepared actually…until I reached up to pull a pot down off of a high shelf and forgot that the pot has been sitting outside for who knows how long in who knows how many rainstorms lately and I ended up having a waterpark experience with umbrella in hand…all down the front of me, quite unexpected and hillarious…I just had to laugh. By the time I got home the rain had stopped…I dug up the strawberry plants, transferred them to pots (had to go back to Lowe’s a second time as I had underestimated how many pots I would need…) and planted new plants in the shady spot so all is settled again. In going back to Lowe’s this time I had learned my lesson and when I reached up to get a few more pots…I tipped the pots to the side to empty the water…it didn’t occur to me to warn anyone else around me and I think I scared an old lady near me when it sounded like a crashing waterfall was coming after us. Thankfully…no one got wet:).  On the way home I laughed hysterically about it all…it’s a had to be there kind of thing…and it was one of those times when I wish I was sharing life with a partner…because I know he would’ve laughed…it had to be a hysterical sight both times.

I’ve been feeling cautiously hopeful lately. Hopeful that maybe I’m getting closer to being ready to have a relationship…and yet cautious as I know my plans often aren’t God’s plans. Thankfully…I sense a deep trust that runs through me and knows that God knows best and will have His way when the time is right and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

The girls and I had a nice walk down to the Corner Creme for some ice cream tonight…sometimes I wish we had a bigger yard, maybe lived out in the country as the girls have no place to play with their volleyball in our yard or ride bikes…and other times when we walk to the corner ice cream shop…I love where we live:). My landscaping is looking so wonderful this year…I have blossoms on my cucumber plants and I can see where my blueberries and raspberries are getting ready to have fruit as well…hopefully it won’t all come while we’re gone and then I miss it before I get back…I have to very divergent hobbies…traveling and gardening…a little hard to do both but I try.

So…tomorrow off to school again…I don’t have any AM classes…yeah!!! They’re having their play day. And my choir classes are having talent shows which is a piece of cake for me…Yippee!! Tomorrow after school we’re going to go visit Richard again…he’s in a hospital here in Alton now and more than ready to come home…I guess he’s doing really well…they’re more aggravated with their doctor. He wanted to go home today and their doctor was busy so she can’t see them until Thursday…frustrating for a man who loves to be outside and free as much as me:). Figured it might break it up a little if I take the girls up there to see him and Idona tomorrow.

Hope you had a great day!

Ruth

Here is the Room Service treat that I mentioned for Lauren’s birthday over the weekend from Mike and Debbie Batton. As you can tell…it was very thoughtful and much enjoyed…and if you’re ever in St. Louis and they tell you their speciality is gooey butter cake…go for it…melt in your mouth delicious:). Thanks again Debbie…just wanted you to see the miracle you were a part of:).

This picture was taken over spring break while we were in Branson with my mom and Aunt Mary Anne. This is us hanging out in our hotel room. My kids are so lucky to have two wonderful grandmas that love them!

 

Here’s Lauren playing the bass drum at their spring band concert…I love how focused she is…she takes pride in keeping the beat going for the band:).

 

Well…I”m getting a little better about posting pic’s…today the parade got rained out so Lauren wasn’t in it after all…truthfully she was relieved…she had been having bad dreams about going too slow, messing up the rest of the band etc. maybe next time:).

We had a great day today at the Batton’s…good food, good friends, the kids loved four wheeling with Mike Batton…he found a way to take them up and down a hill and in the process go air born for a second or two so that was exciting!

Tomorrow it’s back to school…I need to finish my grades tomorrow, get my poison ivy taken care of…and am hoping to get into the post office to get our pass port process going. If not tomorrow then sometime this week. The rain today was wonderful for my yard and flowers…I had a little home flooding but nothing too major. My drain in the back door area tends to have stuff get clogged in it so then I have water come in through my back door and seep into my closet area…I’ve finally figured this out…it’s an easy fix as long as I actually check the drain. So…I have a little drying out to do, but hopefully nothing too major. We’re supposed to have more rain tomorrow…and truthfully as long as we’re in school that’s fine with me, makes it less painful to be inside.

Just found out that Danielle Gines is going to go with us on our vacation when we leave on June 7th…so that’s exciting news…for my girls it tends to be more fun to have someone along…feels more complete and Danielle is definitely the picture of cool in their eyes:). Also works out great as my niece is around Danielle’s same age so when we hook up in NOrth Carolina I think that friendship will work out great. It will be here before you know it…I’m in the process of hiring my neighbor boy to water my plants…getting the twin neighbor girls to feed and water and litter box the cats and bring in our mail…all the details of being gone for a couple of weeks. And I purchased two big containers of round up today so that I can spray it on just before we leave so hopefully my weeds won’t be too out of control when we get back…or at least that’s what I’m hoping:). Now I need to talk with Bruce…he’s going to work on Lauren’s room while we’re gone so I need to empty out her bedroom…he’s going to put in pergo flooring, fix the plaster walls in various places, paint, and possibly put in a set of shelves in her closet…her’s is the only room that we haven’t redone the flooring in so…that will be a nice thing for Lauren when we get back to be able to set up her room all redone. I think she’s going to go with yellow for the walls…we’ve decided to take pictures of her in various locations, some of other people too possibly, in rainbow settings…for the art on her walls…for example at Six Flags they have Vitamin Water rainbow machines and we’re going to take a camera and put Lauren by it and do some pose with that…in another location they have M & M’s on the stairs all done in rainbow colors so we’re going to have Lauren sit on the steps and take a picture there. We’ve decided it will seem more special to have her art work be places and things she has actually been to rather than just buying prints from a store. So…we’ll see how that goes. It’s right up her alley for sure…artsy. I’m hoping that while we’re on vacation at the beach we can have my brother or sister in law take some family pictures of us for our Christmas Cards this next year…it will be two years in the fall since I’ve changed any of our pictures and the girls have reminded me that it’s time…so hopefully that will be a good setting…

Anyway, hope you had a great day with family. Here goes another week!

Love,

Ruth

Lately I’ve been having a strange thing happen in my mind…it’s like a buzz of creative thought going on. I mean I tend to think a lot anyway…but it’s strange even for me. I’ll try to explain what I mean…for example yesterday I was leading music at my church, not a big deal really…but one of the roles of the leader is to choose a song for the closing song, generally from one of the songs we’ve sung already in the service…I’m not sure exactly why except for the fact that it’s already in the Power Point and the musicians have already played through that song so it should be good to go. As I sat in the service yesterday I had this feeling that the music at the end should be accapella…no big deal really…but then I had the thought that it should not only be accapella but also without a leader, except maybe a leader that would start it from the pew. So…I’m sure this is not something that I’ve ever seen done before…but yesterday to close the service without anyone else even knowing what I was doing…when it came to the last song…I chose the first verse of Amazing Grace, told the power point guy and then went back to my pew and when the words came up on the screen just started to sing from my spot…hoping that others would get it and join in even without a leader. Thankfully they did. Honestly, it was no big moment and yet…I have a feeling that’s never been done before on the fly and that was totally an idea that came to me while I was sitting there in the pew, not from my own head but it was as if the idea came straight from God. Was it huge…not really but different…definitely.

Another example…I’m finding that my mind is going crazy with new ideas for next year for school. It will be my eleventh year teaching…my second year being the lead choral director at the middle school…and I’m a girl who didn’t grow up with a strong musical program in my school. I have a basic lack of experience with some of the things that the best choir directors use on a daily basis. I’ve had to pick up things along the way, warm ups, solfegge, etc. My focus has been so much on teaching the kids to be respectful and teaching them to be a successful person with good character…that musically I’m not sure I’ve always had enough left to say we were excellent musically…I chose to live this way, felt that God put me in my position for the very reason that it’s not just about the music for me…now I’m finding all of a sudden my mind is filled with ideas, ideas for warm-ups, ideas to teach and reinforce rhythms, dynamics, accents, diction, good tone, etc. ideas for how we’ll stand, different positions at different times, ideas for just about everything musically. It’s as if I suddenly see that musically I’m ready to hopefully take my middle schooler’s to new levels of excellence when it comes to what we do on a daily basis. And the strange thing is this is my normal time of year when I shut down, coast…and here I am waking up at 4:00am thinking solfegge, humming it out in my mind, thinking through all of the possibilities, I even found myself thinking about this at Six Flags and in the noise that is constant at Six Flags I found myself humming, I knew no one else probably noticed…and truthfully it’s like I feel like I’m going to explode creatively right now. As if God is giving me so many new ideas, so many places where I’ve not tapped into my kids ability to be musical. I’m actually excited about the fall…in an unusual way…I’ve been known to dread teaching I admit it…I mean one year I had to have my four wisdom teeth pulled out during the school year and I knew it was bad when i was looking forward to that just so that I could have a few days off of school. But God is doing a new thing in me…I’ve always considered myself a creative person…but this is different…these are God given ideas that have no related experiences with them in my background…it’s one thing when you watch someone else do the kind of things I’m thinking…when you copy someone else, or you grew up doing certain things and so you repeat those things…but this is not the same…these are ideas I’ve never seen done…but they’re shaping totally in my mind…I wonder if this is how some of the famous composers felt. O.k. I’m not talking about writing a master piece here…but what I’m comparing is the fact that the song, the idea, the music is in my mind without me hearing it elsewhere…without me copying…it’s just there…even when I’m not really trying to think it up. Makes me want to carry around a notebook just so that if an idea comes to my mind that I won’t lose it before next fall.

Or even with my own two girls…I mean us going into St. Louis on Friday night was a creative surprise that I wasn’t planning on until a day before…last night at the spur of the moment we went and took in “Night At The Museum 2″ and it was an awesome movie for us. Especially since we had just been to Washington D.C. last summer. Maybe these are dorky examples…but what I’m saying is that I’m finding that my mind is buzzing…new ideas…new moments in time, new thoughts…and I don’t know about you but for this 38 year old woman that seems fairly radical. It encourages me…makes me realize my best days haven’t happened yet. Get’s me excited about the future…and I sense some of the normal Ruth dread not hanging on to me so tight. And I just have the sense that God is saying to me ‘and Ruth, you haven’t seen anything yet…” We live so much of our lives out of a box, such a limited view of things…we do the same things over and over…to think of doing things in a new way, to have ideas dropped into your mind is an amazing thing. Part of me wonders for example what others thought of us closing the service yesterday the way I did…but most of me realizes, it doesn’t matter…I followed what I sensed God wanted me to do and that’s enough.

I do know this…I don’t want it to stop…like the widow who as long as she had an empty pot would have it filled by God…that’s how I want it to be in my life…a constant emptying so that I can be filled. I can tell when I’m operating out of Ruth, the ideas are nothing grand…my life feels like repetition, boring, etc. But when God is filling me…it’s as if everyday is new…fresh, every thought is different, relevant. That’s how I want to live my life…whether it’s in my own home, at school, being about my daily business, at church. etc. I want my life to stand out because it’s creative, fresh, relevant, full of the fragrance of spring…without the allergies:). I’ve always had more than my share of creativity…I would say it’s one of my more prominent spiritual gifts that I have, I”m not sure that it shows up on the normal spiritual gifts inventories and yes I’ve taken my share of those over the years…music is obvious…but creativity I think that while it’s available for every man some of us tap into more than others…

The girls and I are looking forward to traveling again soon…we talk often about our trips last summer…already hoping to go back to some of those places again sometime in our life…wanting to see some things in greater detail than we had time for last time. Last night when we were at the movie I sensed that God was letting me know that by making travel, adventure, new experiences a part of our regular lives I’m opening up areas of living that many people don’t have. For whatever reason…maybe because we have summers so more time to travel…or maybe financially it’s a priority in my budget I guess we travel more than the average citizen. Some people are content to always be at home…that’s not bad, I think God makes all kinds of people…but for me…I saw the light that came on in my kids eyes last night when they watched the screen and could say repeatedly…”We’ve been there…” it gives you a whole experience that goes beyond what a movie can show. Sometimes when people ask me where we’re going next I have this feeling that maybe they think we travel too much, we’re “always gone”…maybe it’s my sensitivity to what others think of me…that’s definitely something I’m looking forward to not having to think about someday in heaven. For me…I never dreamed that I would be taking my kids all over the U.S. I mean Mark and I always loved to travel as much as we could…but clearly in the last two years my kids and I have had some radical experiences on the road. I’m grateful…I tend to sometimes compare my childhood to my kids wanting them to be grateful…you know the whole…”I walked uphill to school in the snow both ways” kind of thing:). My childhood was great in many senses…I had the core unit, an amazing family…an amazing solid faith that was lived out in front of me everyday…the foundation was incredibly solid and I know it’s a big reason I am where I am today. For my kids…I point out the places we go, the experiences we have, etc. the opportunities they have, the birthday celebrations etc. and I find that if I’m not careful in my dialogue they’ll think that what I’m looking for is for them to feel sorry for me…that I didnt’ have what they have…and by golly they need to be grateful. In one of these dialogues recently over the weekend…I started down the typical road…wanting to impress upon them the spirit of gratefulness…and I had to stop…and be reminded…”Ruth…and you had a dad…” I do want my kids to be grateful people, to understand that nothing comes for free…everything has a cost. To naturally want to Praise God for everything…and at the same time…I’m reminded that I need to be careful…I can tell them my poor stories…believe me I have a full arsenal:)…but I’ve lived enough to understand that money is not key to happiness…I can’t fully understand what it’s like to not have a dad…even now I have my dad. Over the weekend Lydia went to get on a ride that Lauren and I can’t ride, one of those pick you up drop you, turn you around kind of deals…and it’s one she often rode with Mark…I didnt’ realize it but I guess on that ride you have to have a buddy to sit with…Lauren and I waited at the exit trying to be sensitive to the fact that just because we don’t ride it shouldn’t stop Lydia from being able to occasionally ride it…when she came down the exit ramp crying I knew something strange had happened…I was able to get it out of her about the buddy part and how everyone else had one except her so the man told her she had to get off…Wow…that moment in time triggered a deep place of pain for her…and I knew the tears were more than just a missed ride…but tears of loss that come from a deep place. For a moment I actually considered getting on the ride which would’ve been certain sickness for me…but in the end decided that wasn’t what the tears were about anyway. Last night I was touching her hair and face gently…she calls it the “soft game” while she was going to sleep…and she asked me…”Mom did dad used to do this to me…” I had to think about it and part of me could’ve just said yes…but I try to stick to the truth…so I said “no…I don’t think so…” but then I told her that her that her dad had other things he did…he was a big teddy bear and I have countless pictures of the girls laying on their dad or cuddled up to him while taking a nap. He loved nap time:). That eased her mind. I’m coming to the conclusion that we all have out childhood losses to weather…that make us grateful or bitter…that make us who we are ultimately…For me…money is the issue…my story is often based on the fact of how little we had and how it effected our life…for my girls that’s not their story…their story is what it’s like to be raised by mom…with no dad. It’s a completely different struggle…and loss and for me at times I want them to fit into my story, my way of thinking but I’m reminded that is not their story. God uses it all…It used to be that they would try or want for me to try and line someone up when it came to special dad type functions at school, church, etc. anymore they just tend to pass on the activity and not bother. It’s not the same anyway and just tends to open the wound. Kind of like for awhile I hoped at my birthday time that I would magically receive the kind of presents my friends got at their birthday…after a few years I finally adjusted my expectations and learned to be content with the birthday cake. I would imagine that we all have the same kind of process that goes on in childhood…the circumstances vary, the loss varies…but the reality of the loss, that we can’t change it, the lowering of our expectation…the fact that it becomes a part of our story and makes us all the more grateful or bitter…I would think that’s common to all. I am grateful…grateful for the opportunities that I’m able to give my children that I never had when I was a kid…I’m grateful to give my children wonderful birthdays and moments in time. I’m grateful for the house I have, the car I drive, etc. and I don’t live an extravagent life…my home is in a neighborhood that is very common…but I’m grateful. And thankfully…I’m finding that for the most part my kids are grateful…grateful to receive a hug from one of the men at church, grateful when Pastor Mark and Kathy invite us over to their house and they get to spend time just being kids with Pastor Mark. They’re grateful for the life they have now…and they’re hopeful…hopeful that God will fill in the holes of their life. I pray that will always be the case…we all have holes…I think the key is what we choose to fill them with. One of the main lessons for me though the past couple of years is to realize that “God is enough”…when I look around me at people that my heart breaks for the thing that usually has brought them down is that they don’t understand that the for the holes in their life “God is enough”.  At this point…if I was actually sitting face to face with you…and we had all the time in the world…I would wonder what your childhood was like…what losses God took you through…did it make you grateful or bitter…how are you filling those holes today…I think that if you’re filling them with God and understanding that He is enough that the creative buzz i talked about at the beginning could very well be happening to you and probably is…When we realize how empty we are…which for some of us is quite a process in itself…then we are finally at a place where we can be filled with God.

That’s where my thoughts are running to and fro from on this rainy Memorial day at what is now 5am in the morning…back to bed for me…Lauren is in a parade this morning unless it gets rained out…I will hold my breath until I see her cross the finish line…she’s nervous about the whole left, left, left right left thing…(we’re talking middle school band here:), she wants to do it right…and who am I to tell her it’s not that big a deal:).

Hope your day is wonderful!

Ruth

The girls and I had a really nice weekend get away. Felt like a lot longer actually…coming home last night it was as if we had been away for a week instead of one night. Just seemed liked we had fit a lot into a short amount of time. Our hotel stay was nice, it was in perfect walking distance to the riverfront and the Arch and the weather was great…so we enjoyed just walking down to the Arch, sitting on the steps, the girls enjoyed running around… I didn’t realize how high the water is…fascinating to see how far it’s come up to the Arch. And then we tried a new restaurant for dinner that night…called “Tigin” it was an Irish restaurant…at first the girls were like…”uh, mom I don’t know about this” or as Lauren would say “Mom…let’s stick to the status quo”, but I told them when you’re in a city you should try something new, so…we did, we got to sit outside which is something that I think is a new tradition for us, anytime you can dine outside in a city it’s really amazing…so much to see and experience. O.k. the food was a little different, Lydia tried Salmon and that didn’t work out but they were incredibly gracious and ended up bringing out wonderful chicken tenders instead at no extra cost. I tried Bangers and Mash which was very good and enough to feed a small army:). We enjoyed watching people, traffic, horse carriages going by, etc. And then yesterday at Six Flags was a wonderful day. The weather was a little iffy at times but worked out just fine in the end. Lauren and LYdia enjoyed riding the new Wahoo Racer in the water park, and I enjoyed riding a few rides with them but also just having some time to chill…finished a book, took a short nap, etc. Then last night Lauren opened the rest of her presents which were all centered around art. She got an art easel, oil paints, water color paints, etc. She seemed thrilled…we talked about the fact that I’ve seen her be artistic, focus on art in some way for her entire first 11 years so…it was time to move to the real art supplies and I’m setting up the art easel in her room this summer and I told her it’s time for her to try some art everyday, not to necessarily create a masterpiece every day but to practice at her art and get more experience and improve. She’s taken art classes now and then over the years and she has always loved things like the snakes at the zoo…which I hate…but she loves them because of the design. She loves rollar coasters, not to ride…but she loves the design, the art that goes into it. She’s loved having an art class this year at the middle school…and when I ask her what she wants to be when she grows up she says she wants to be an artist. so…it was time, when God gives a dream and a passion I think it’s my job as her mom to try and get her equiped to follow after that dream. I could tell she had the maturity and understanding to get it and is excited about doing art on her new easel.

We had an incredible thing happen this weekend…in some ways it might seem small but in others it was huge. I had mentioned where we were staying on this blog a couple of days ago. After I posted it I went through my usual…oh did I give too much info stage, I tend to have people who care about us concerned when I do that kind of thing. And truthfully I have a few people in my life who say rude things to me when I post those kind of details…like do I really have to tell everything…what they don’t know is as much as it might seem like I post everything…I don’t. But anyway, due to that info going out and due to God moving Mike and Debbie Batton’s hearts…on Friday night when we got back from swimming at the hotel we had a wonderful surprise. Room service had brought us a gooey butter cake and vanilla ice cream and on the plate etched in chocolate was “Happy Birthday Lauren”. I can’t tell you how much that surprise made our day. We were all touched, that they would go to that effort…and touched that God would line that up for us, when I called Debbie to thank her she said that she had felt God nudging her to do it…and frankly it felt like a surprise straight from Mark and God. Really Friday was Mark’s birthday, he would’ve been 39, but he was incredibly uncomfortable on days like that for whatever reason…and when Lauren was born the day after his birthday he was thrilled…took the focus off of him and his day. So…for that surprise to show up on His birthday for her just seemed like a total Mark thing. I know Debbie and Mike paid for it…but it sure felt orchestrated by Mark, which was deeply touching for all of us. Lauren felt incredibly special and it made it a wonderful moment in time, something she’ll always remember, and nothing that I could’ve planned or conjured up. I was reminded that God does “exceedingly more than I could ever ask or imagine.” Sometimes we need to be reminded and in that moment we all had tangible proof. The cake was wonderful too:). I was thankful that God had prompted me to blog about the last minute trip…because that set off a wonderful chain reaction. God is good.

So…now I need to get ready for church, am leading music this morning…still have allergies so I hope I don’t end up coughing through it…and I’m also covered in poison ivy. Seem to have my usual illness for this time of year. I can never figure out where it comes from and it always comes to a height when it’s the weekend and especially a holiday one so that I can’t do a whole lot about it before Tuesday…but I’m surviving. This afternoon I have a feeling we’ll all be taking a nap. Tomorrow Lauren was chosen to hold the banner in the Memorial day parade for the middle school band so that’s pretty cool, hope it’s a good experience for her and then we are headed out to the Batton’s for a cookout and relaxed time together. Should make for a nice day!

Thank you for loving us, and thank you for following God’s lead…makes me wonder how if we did that more we would be touching the world even more through things like gooey butter cake:).

Love,

Ruth

Ahh…I was just able to get a great room at a great hotel downtown in St. Louis for tomorrow night for Lauren’s birthday…it’s a surprise…so I’ll come home at lunch and pack up our stuff so that right after school we can whisk away…I love being able to get a nice hotel room through priceline and pay $60…gotta feel good about that and it will be a nice surprise. We’re staying at the Renaissance St. Louis Grand and Suites Hotel…sounds impressive…I’ve never been there…but hey, why not:). Has an indoor swimming pool so the girls will be thrilled. Puts us halfway to Six Flags for the next day so that’s nice for me…and makes me just spend time with my kids without thinking about getting anything done…something that I don’t do very well at home…so that’s a good thing too. They love the fact that they can watch all the stuff on TV that we don’t get at our home since we don’t have those channels like Disney…Just seemed like a good idea at this last minute time…especially since we weren’t able to get any friends to go along on Saturday. So…I’ll probably not blog tomorrow…but I hope you all have a wonderful memorial day weekend…I’m sure you all have wonderful plans with your family! Many of you camping probably…if we were up in Michigan we would be out at Covenant HIlls enjoying time with family. Instead…we’ll be our city selves…and enjoy hanging out in down town…we’ve been to St. Louis so much over the years it doesn’t seem like a big city anymore…even though it is. I hope Lauren is pleasantly surprised…

Just had to tell somebody I guess…

Ruth