The Jackson Family Online

I just had a cool thing happen…awhile back I had turned in some information and pictures about the students that I took to IMEA Festival this year to the paper (The Telegraph), and in the process I invited the community to come to our upcoming programs…well the paper ended up decided to make a bigger deal about it and sent a photographer out today while we were having class to take pictures of the whole choir. So…I think that’s a great thing…I love the fact that these kids will have their face in the paper, recognition for good stuff…always a good thing. I’m thankful that God seemed to bless my small effort and made it something grander than I would’ve ever asked for.
The book that I mentioned yesterday is called “The Naked Gospel”…by Andy Farley. And I have to tell you it’s got some brand new thoughts for me to stew upon…feels like truth…smells like truth…looks like truth…I think it might be truth . But I have to tell you it’s not stuff that’s preached in church…and for a church going girl like myself for my whole life it seems fairly radical. I would love to be able to dialogue about it with other Christians…and pick their brains…he uses a ton of scripture to back up what he is saying. The basic premise is that “Jesus plus nothing” is all you need. I’ve often said that God is enough…but I’m not sure that I meant it in the way he’s talking about. He talks a lot about the New and Old Covenants and the difference between them. While I know we’re not under the laws in the old testament…and we don’t still offer sacrifices and declare ourselves clean and unclean…I guess I thought we were still under the ten commandments…he has some very interesting perspectives on that. And when he talks about Grace…it’s in a different way than I’ve ever learned about before…but I have to tell you…it makes sense to me. Forgiveness is another topic that’s been brought up. I wish Mark was here so I could dialogue about it all with him…especially since a lot of it is based on Hebrews which is a book of the bible that Mark studied and taught out of. Anyway…if you’re up for a book that might not say all the things that you’re used to reading…if you want to be challenged to think your faith through a little…then I think you would enjoy the book. I’m not done yet…but will probably put a few quotes on here later.
Well…today was back to school…painful to some degree…but we’ve adjusted…actually it’s only 16 school days until Christmas:).
No big plans for the evening…sounds wonderful! Hope your day is great!
Love,
Ruth

Happy Sunday…well I think I’m ready for another week. I’ve been madly making program orders, typing letters to go home to parents informing them of the coming dates…typing up riser charts for where each child needs to go so that tall kids are in the back and short in the front, and on and on…All of the little details that can really pile up at this time of year if I don’t stay on top of it.
Lauren had a quiz this afternoon…she did alright…but it was obvious she hasn’t worked as hard on it this week…this next week her chapter is 1 Cor 13. I’m hoping to work with her to memorize it…it’s one of the chapters I memorized as a kid…and it’s a welcome relief after some of the chapters she has been working on. The next weekend directly after school on Friday we will drive to Kansas for her next quiz there…it will be a quick trip and not make for what I would exactly call a restful weekend…but oh well…we’ll make it:).
I’m reading a really interesting book at present…well I’m always reading books…but this one is really challenging my thinking about how we live out our Christianity. Once I’m done with it and have had time to process it a little I’ll put some quotes on this blog and see what you think. It’s the kind of book that I would love to have others read and then get together and dialogue about it…ok. that’s in my little dream world where we all have more time on our hands than we know what to do with:). But who knows…if the book that I’m talking just magically shows up at your door…you’ll know who it came from…and that I’m hoping to hear your thoughts on it all. Iron sharpens iron.
Have a great week!
Love,
Ruth

We’re home…the week flew by as I knew it would. And before you know it we’ll be back to the routine of our normal life. The next three and a half weeks are very busy for me…the culmination of what we’ve worked on all semester in a few short moments…think of it as four weddings coming up in the next month…the preparation goes on and on all for a few minutes and then it’s done. That’s pretty much the nature of my job. This week I’m listening to solos and small groups after school on Wednesday, I had the idea that maybe if a couple of groups/solos were good that I would include them on the 7/8th grade program…I’m curious to see what they sound like…how much effort they put in. On the way home today I had time to think…road trips do that to me. And I think I might try something in the next semester…I’ve never done this before…but not only do I want the kids at school to be able to perform…and to read music…but composing/creating should maybe be part of that…so I think I’m going to start a contest type thing where I have those who want to…work on composing a song that they perform as a solo/small group or maybe it could even be something that we perform as a whole choir. I’m curious to see where that might lead…if anyone will take me up on the idea. I think it would be awesome for us to have an original song to listen to/perform at the spring program, and quite an honor for a budding composer…we’ll see.
The girls and I had a good time in Branson…we stayed right at the Landing…which is a beautiful outdoor mall by the river complete with water/music show. So…we shopped of course…swam in the pool..o.k. the girls swam and I read a book…watched a movie or two…and overall had a nice time. I had thought we would go out to Silver DOllar City but in the end we decided we had enough to do where we were so didn’t bother. One movie that we watched this weekend that I highly recommend is “The Blind Side”…if you get a chance to see it, you should!! I wish more movies like that would come out and the awesome thing is it is based on a true story…making it even better! It reminded me of why I teach…and how important it is to be on my A game every day of the week.
On the way home today I also had another idea…I’m not sure if anything will come of it…you know how it is, some ideas seem great at the moment but over time don’t come to fruition. But here it is…I enjoy giving “talks” every now and then…I’ve given four in the last couple of years…one at ladies retreat, two at SUnday evening services at our church and one at our 20 something ladies group. I’m scheduled to do another ladies group talk in March. I’ve found that whenever I have the chance to do something like that…I always enjoy the process because inevitably as I’m looking for something to talk about…something I feel strongly about…something that I feel God is teaching me about…in the process I learn new things…think new thoughts and am challenged to grow myself. I always have people who tell me afterwards…”Ruth, someday you’re going to be doing this professionally”. O.k. before I get ahead of myself…I know some people just say those kind of things…and I’m not banking too much on it. I also don’t see myself becoming a national speaker and traveling for my career. I have no illusions about my ability or lack of ability…so none of this is based on pride or who I think I am. It’s more based on the fact that I’ve done this four times now…I’ve watched myself as I go through the process…and I think somewhere God might have some use for some of what I might have to say…the reason being that I’m allowing Him to speak through me…or at least trying to. So…long story to say…I wondered in my mind today on the way home if maybe I should try to do something on a regular basis…low key…casual…open to anyone who wants to come…not making anyone feel obligated to come…open to any age, race, gender…I had the name “Deep and Wide Ministry” come to my mind. O.k. please understand that I’m sharing something with you that just came to me today…I may never do it…God might not really want me to do it…etc. but all I’m doing is sharing the idea. The “deep” reference comes from the fact that when I talk as much as I enjoy laughing…I tend to go deep quickly…I tend to get to the heart of the matter…I tend to want to talk about real life, real faith, real application at a deep level…the kind of deep that can change your life…and mine…I don’t have time for anything less than deep frankly. The “wide” reference comes from the variety of things that God speaks to me about…as you can tell from this blog…I talk about anything and everything…I tend to see God in just about anything in daily life…and I’m not sure what I would feel led to speak about so it would or could be about a wide variety of issues. It’s simple really…”Deep and Wide Ministry”. I have no idea how I would go about doing this…where it would fit in…if it should fit in. And maybe I”m barking up the wrong tree…I need to pray about it more and listen to God more about it. But what if…once a quarter…I just set up a time and a place…and wrote up a talk…and just opened it up and whoever came, came…in some ways maybe it would be like a small group…but actually I’m not sure that the same people would come each time…doubtful really. Might be based more on the topic ahead of time…what if that time also included just some time for others to share what God has been speaking to them about/teaching them. I’m not sure…but somehow I feel compelled to at least consider it. I always have a sense that when I’m done…I’ve been able to encourage someone else in there walk…to affirm them…and at the same time…I know I grow closer to God. Feel free to give me any feedback on the idea that comes to your mind. If you think I’m off my rocker that’s o.k. And I have to tell you I hesitate to even put it on the blog…because I’m not sure that I’ll ever do it…and secondly…I hate to act as if I have some great thing to impart to others…when frankly I’m just as messed up as the next person…but the only reason I would consider it is…it seems to be a time and place where God can be seen in me…so if that is the case…it’s something that I want to do more.
Which brings me to the thought…when do you most notice God shining through you…when do you see HIs love, His peace, His joy shining through…those are the places, times, events, we should do more of. Those are the things I want to focus on in my life. I also believe that if you’re in the center of God’s will…the sweet spot of God’s tennis racquet…that you will have creative bursts coming out of you. We all have the normal humdrum of life…but even in that if you’re placed where God wants you…and open to being filled with God…I believe that GOd will give you new ideas and thoughts to apply to your life to constantly be making you better at what you do…I feel that way with teaching…I feel that with parenting, keeping my home. Today on the way home…I expressed gratitude to God for the good feeling of knowing that I’m in the sweet spot.
I’m fast coming up on three years of blogging…hard to believe but true. I was thinking about that this week as I wasn’t able to blog much (I know you all were devastated right?!?) and I realized that this blog for me is like a big game of tennis. Every day…a ball comes over the net for me to hit in the game of life. The ball is in my court…what I do with it is up to me…at first I was picturing myself as the person holding the racquet, hitting the ball back and forth…but the more I thought about the analogy the more I realized…no, I’m not the person holding the racquet…I’m simply the racquet…unless God is holding me…unless He’s moving and going after the ball…unless He swings me I’m not going to hit a thing. So…the reality for me becomes…am I going to allow God to hold me day after day…to trust Him as He moves all around the court and takes me along with Him…am I flexible enough in his hands to allow Him to swing me forwards, backwards, up high, down low. Am I paying attention so that when He does swing…I realize when the ball is hitting the sweet spot of my life. Do…I realize when I’ve gotten out of whack…and maybe I’m hitting the ball still but it hurts or doesn’t go where it should because I’m not in the sweet spot. I don’t know…maybe analogy’s like this don’t do anything for you…but whenever I can get a visual picture to help me see who I am and who God is…even if it’s not totally accurate…it does help me. It helps me understand my role…and God’s role…helps me to realize that as long as each day I’m allowing God to hold me…to use me…to move me…to swing me…that each day the ball that lands in my court in the game of life will be dealt with. So…as I was saying this blog for me…is one of my attempts everyday at allowing God to swing me to hit the ball back over the court. I’m sure somedays…it’s a dud…no big action or maybe I totally miss the ball…I’m too busy looking at something else…not focused. But hopefully more and more as I type…as I try to express the God things going on in my life…hopefully I’m hitting the ball right in the sweet spot. If you’ve been encouraged in anyway, challenged, laughed along with our craziness, cried, realized you’re not alone, been grateful for the gift of life, or any other emotion you’ve felt while reading this blog than i’m grateful that the ball this blog represents is not just falling dead to the ground but is being volleyed back and forth. Please know that as you comment, encourage, pray, challenge, etc. on this blog or in person, etc. that it matters to me…it makes a difference in my life…and I’m grateful.
Hope you had a great weekend!
Love,
Ruth
Anita…yes I do know Jared…he and Mark were good friends in college…I wish I could see him and Kimmy more…they’re a lot of fun to be around and Jared has some great Mark stories:). You’re lucky to have him at your church and I’m so glad he knows you too:).

Happy Thanksgiving!! I’m at my sister Becky’s house in Branson…smelling the delicious smells of Thanksgiving dinner:). We made it to Branson last night by 9pm. Seems good to be away for a few days from our normal life. I kindof told myself that I’m not going to think about anything to do with school…home, etc. for these three days. So…my mind is a blank slate…well as blank as it can get:).
Hope you’re having a great time with family and friends!
Love,
Ruth

Happy Monday! Just one more day of school til THanksgiving break…woohoo!! Lydia ended up staying home again today…she still had a low fever and felt achy so I knew there was no point in sending her. I don’t think she missed a whole lot anyway…hopefully by tomorrow she’ll feel a little more perky.
Last night we stayed up and watched the American Music Awards…talk about bizarre, we love music at our house so that’s why we watched…but I’m telling you if that stuff is popular…wow have times changed. It’s clearly not about the music at all but totally about the special effects and bizarre stuff. I think the only half way normal performance I saw was by Whitney Houston…she was looking pretty classy and the background orchestra didn’t hurt:). Beyond that I have to say last night I went to bed praying for most of the other people who performed…because as much as they’re all dressed up and probably have tons of money…I didn’t see much to envy…and I have a feeling a lot of those people are hurting and broken …their performances just felt so empty. That’s the huge difference between music about God and to God and music that’s not. I love music and I believe that God has made it all…but I sure couldn’t go around singing the songs that a lot of those famous artists sing everyday…
Anyway…
we’re going to get packed up tonight to go to Branson on Wednesday as tomorrow night we’re headed to The Fox to see the Little House on the Prairie musical. I’m curious to see what that is like…Melissa Gilbert is playing “ma”. We’re pretty much on the top row but as long as we throw in a pair of binoculars we should be good:).
Hope your day was great…we have so much to be thankful… I’m really looking forward to seeing my sister Becky this week. God is good…
Ruth

It’s been a quiet day today at the Jackson house. I finished a book (Vanishing Acts by Jodi Piccoult) and just woke up from a nap…I love Sunday afternoon naps. Lydia stayed home from church this morning…I thought so that she could sleep in and get rest…but she was up before 6am anyway. She’s still stuffed up but I think she’ll be fine to go to school tomorrow, at least that’s what I’m planning on. Lauren and I sang the song “Give Me Jesus” at church this morning and I think it went well. The song is really so simple that it made it incredibly easy to sing which was nice.

It was kind of a different Sunday morning for me…I had a sunday school meeting during the preaching portion of the service and then sunday school today was all combined today and was basically about us being a welcoming church, welcoming visitors, noticing visitors, etc. So…I have to admit by the time I got home I felt like attending church today was like going to one of those seminars that Mark and I used to go to on church growth. Not a bad thing…we went to several, I especially remember a bunch with John Maxwell. Part of me is probably a little leery about it all…I’m just being honest. We all need to be challenged and some of us definitely aren’t probably going to do these kind of things unless we’re told. But part of me hopes and prays that as I’m filled with God…the kind of things that we’re talked about today will just naturally happen. Ok maybe that’s naive of me to say. But as I’m filled with God…I have a sense that I won’t have to go down a check list to know how to treat others…I just can’t visualize Jesus doing some of what we do…it was a lifestyle not a class. Now before I go to far…I love my church, I love my Pastor and other leadership. Maybe I’m a bit jaded as I’ve been to as I mentioned before countless seminars and retreats on the subjects of evangelism, small groups, assimliation, etc. And I didn’t have a problem with how today went…I dont’ have to be fed every week…but I will say I left today feeling a little blah…that could very well be that I’m a blah kind of person. This is not a person casting stones…this is a person processing her own feelings on the subject and trying to understand myself.

Lydia and I are just going to stay home tonight from church…Lauren had quizzing so I will make a run to go pick her up…otherwise it’s been a quiet weekend here…I’ve made plans several times and then changed those plans and in the end it’s been a nice time at home. I think we’re actually ready to finish out the two days of school we have left and then head out of town.

Amy stayed in the hospital last night…but from what I’m told should be coming home today. Please continue to pray for her and the rest of the family.
Thank you…
Love,
Ruth
**a bit of a disclaimor here…I’m really honest on this blog…maybe more than I should be…it’s a track record of my God journey…I do try to be careful not to ever mention any names of people or situations that would ever be an embarrassment or hurt feelings…so the above statements about my Sunday morning experience reflect on me…not on any individuals who planned those events or my church…in truth I go to the most welcoming church I’ve ever been at…I guess that’s why the whole thing today just kind of seemed strange to me…sometimes we work so hard to be used by God that I have to wonder…if we just rested in Him more if it doesn’t just happen on it’s own without having meetings and seminars about it…I’m a bit of an idealist when it comes to that kind of thing…maybe that’s just not how it works…either way I’m willing to be a part regardless of how I feel…God is good…I love my church…I love the family of God I worship with every week…it’s all good. The thoughts on this blog are just the ramblings that go on in this woman’s head…they are not scripture…so you can take them or leave them and not have to go along with them in anyway.**

It’s been a good day at home today. I’ve done some major cleaning, a little rearranging (my bedroom this time:), and the girls and I even put a puzzle together…o.k. I admit it I gave up on the 1000 piece puzzle and went back to a 500 one. It’s amazing to me how we can put one of those together in a few short hours…but the 1000 one was only half put together at best and that progress had taken me about three weeks. I told Lydia today that it wasn’t fun when it was too hard for them to put any puzzle pieces in with me…so that one’s boxed back up…
We thought about going to see a movie but Lydia hasn’t been feeling too well today, stuffed up, sore throat, low fever. Decided it was best to stay home, she had a good day to lay around and take a nap or two. I have a feeling I’ll have her stay home from church tomorrow too…just to be sure, I’m not sure that anything would be contagious…but I would feel really bad if I had her go and then others got sick…besides the fact that Lydia isn’t really feeling all that swell anyway so she wouldn’t enjoy it either. Hopefully by Monday she’ll be peachy again.
I talked to my mom today to get an update on Amy. She’s at home which is good…but it’s a really long hard recovery from what I understand. My mom just called this evening late and told me that Amy and Jim are headed down to Ann Arbor to the emergency room…from what I’m told, Amy is very dehydrated and weak. I remember those kind of runs to the hospital…it always happens late at night…and it’s hard…I mean you have your kids to take care of at home…and exhaustion to deal with…and clearly Amy is not feeling well. I’m praying for her tonight that she would feel better…that she would be able to eat again and regain some strength. Please pray for her as well…and I’m praying for Jim. Maybe he’s a whole lot stronger than me…but I remember the heavy load, the fatigue of working all week, dealing with the normal home stuff…and then throw in a crisis here and there. I’m thankful that they have my mom and Amy’s mom to help out and provide some live in help. And I’m also thankful for all those from their church who are helping them with meals and probably a whole lot more things than I could possibly realize. God is good…and He takes care of us. I’m counting on God to take care of Amy tonight. I’ll try to update as I can…but truthfully I won’t write in much detail, for one reason….it’s easy to get the details wrong…secondly…it’s their story to tell…I love them enough to try and respect their privacy at the same time…please pray…thankfully we don’t have to know every detail to do that.
So…tomorrow is church, I have a busy morning with piano, special music and sunday school small group stuff…but it’s all good. And we’re almost on school break which seems so nice! Tomorrow I’m trying to get the girls to get their major projects done before the holiday so we can honestly get a break from it all and not have homework to do over thanksgiving.
Hope your day was great!
Love,
Ruth

Lydia’s CHristmas gift arrived yesterday. And she’s already putting it to good use…I could’ve kept it until closer to the holiday but figured she already knew about it…she might as well use it. All she wanted this year for Christmas was an IPOD touch. So…she now has her own collection of her dad and I’s music at her disposal. She had used my Ipod for a long time…so now I’ve got mine back:). Mine is the old fashioned classic style so having it be a touch screen is oh so exciting:).
When I told Lauren the song I was going to sing this Sunday….she said “Mom I want to sing that with you…” so Lauren and I are going to do a duet. Still need to practice…
I think tonight we might go see a movie and relax together…it’s been a full week and we’re all worn out so some down time would be nice. Maybe we’ll go see that move called “The Blindside”…looks good. Tomorrow I’m going to our church youth group sponsored Trivia night and playing with the Rathegeb clan…I’m as dumb as a door knob when it comes to that kind of stuff but I’m sure it will be fun anyway. School is winding down fast for the break…almost there and I’m so ready to have five days off and a change of scenery!
Yesterday while I was at Family Christian bookstore I also picked up the new Casting Crowns and Steven Curtis Chapman CD’s…and I have to tell you Steven Curtis Chapan’s cd is gut wrenching in moments. It’s written in the year after their daughter died and wow…the songs are so raw and open. It’s a beautiful cd all about God’s faithfulness, the hope we have, the sorrow and joy all intermingling. Very good. I haven’t had a chance to listen to the Casting Crowns one yet but I’m sure it will be good as well.
I had the strangest thought come to my mind today. One of the very last things Mark said before he died in any kind of coherent way was the two words “fried chicken”. I know real deep and meaningful right?!?:). But I’ve found myself wondering, just wondering if he could see the table spread in heaven and I know this, one of Mark’s favorite foods was his mom’s fried chicken. It’s a really strange thing to watch a person going through the door of heaven and not being able to look in with them to see what it’s like. But I had to smile today when I thought about it…hopefully Mark is enjoying some good fried chicken:).
Have a great weekend!
Love,
Ruth

I just went and picked out an accompaniment track for this coming Sunday. I try to give me kids a chance if they want to sing that I’ll sing whatever they want to do so that they can have the opportunity to perform. Not for their glory…but more for their encouragement and development. This time though they didn’t seem to want to do it. So…I went and looked at a multitude of CD titled songs. Whenever that happens I always pray and hope that something will stand out to me. If it doesn’t why bother…that’s just my mode of thought:). So…today when I saw Jeremy Camp’s song “Give Me Jesus” I knew that was what I wanted to do. It’s basic…three verses/chorus, fairly repetitive…I can sing it by memory already…but more than that…it’s everything that I believe and cling to. First verse says “in the morning when I rise, Give me Jesus”. It’s that simple…and that true. Every morning of my life as I wake up and see all that needs to happen in that day, all that I need to face, accomplish, deal with I could easily be overwhelmed…but as long as I have Jesus with me and am aware of Him…I’m good. The second verse says “When I am alone…give me Jesus.” For me this is the verse that talks about how no other relationship can top my relationship with Jesus…or meet the needs that only He can meet. And as a widow it has definite implications…I’m headed for some major alone years in my near future if nothing changes…I’m reminded that as long as I have Jesus…I’m never really alone. The third verse says “when I come to die…give me Jesus”. I know a lot of people my age probably wouldn’t think or sing or talk about death…but when we know the end and can talk about it we live better today…we know what matters. Heaven is on my mind…and at some point it will be time…it’s a great comfort to know that when it comes…all I need is Jesus. The chorus says “You can have all this world…but give me Jesus”…I believe that completely…whatever this world has is nothing really…everything grows old, wears out, gets broken, fades…nothing stays new long.
As I was in choir today I was thinking about some of the kids who act up…they get some attention that way, it’s brief…but the other kids might laugh at them or look at them and for that moment it feels good. The sad thing is those are the same kids who will not be in choir next semester because they can’t handle it, those are the same kids who end up in the hall isolated from everybody else. Amazing how sin and foolishness can look wonderful for the moment but leave you left out…isolated and having missed whatever blessings you could have experienced. Just made me think. I have a few kids who literally I will have to tell not to bother coming to the program because they have misbehaved for an entire quarter. What a tragedy to not be included in the performance because of foolish day to day choices…sounds kind of like how some people choose to live out there lives…I hope that will never be me or my kids. I want to be in on the blessings of God.
Anyway…tonight we all are getting our hair done!! THat should be exciting:). And it’s almost the weekend…I’m more than ready. Hope your week has been going great!
Love,
Ruth

I’m a a teacher as many of you know…and also a mom. It dawned on me today that I spend an incredible amount of energy time and thought on getting kids to pay attention, listen, be silent, etc. I mean you would think that just telling kids to be quiet would do the job…but it’s actually a learned skill…not an inherant one at least from my point of view. At school we use all kinds of strategies to get kids quiet…we clap our hands and have them echo clap back, we raise our hands in a high five position and say words like “Give me five”, we come up with cute little chants to repeat…good one for kindergarten just in case you ever need to know…”put your hand on your hip…finger on your lip” works pretty well:)…we blow whistles…raise our voice…turn light switches on and off…and the list could probably go on and on. But you get the point…we are not born with a desire to listen or to be silent. Think about it…usually the first thing a baby does is cry. So…today as I was teaching choir…and my kids were being chatty I had a moment where I had a spiritual ahha. We’re a couple of weeks away from program time…you would think that would matter…not really to middle schoolers. The only way I could actually keep them from talking is to have the music never stop for 40 minutes…but even then I’m bound to hear someone talking. I remember in the inner city of St. Louis when I taught I became a master at this…it was my survival strategy, never have one moment of no music or it was difficult to get them back on task. After 11 years of teaching I have to tell you…one of the most effective strategies for me…is simply to just sit and do nothing…it’s not hard on my voice…I have no regrets afterwards…I don’t do it every day…but today was one of those days where I just stopped…sat and decided I’m not going to fight it. The kids seemed satisfied for the most part with being mediocre…which is frustrating for me as I would like them to be excellent. In the end most of the kids finally caught on and got themselves quiet. The external stuff is alright and I use it…but more than anything I want my kids to come to a place where they can internally know how to get quiet all on there own…they can make the best choice at the moment without someone having to control the situation. That’s part of maturity and I guess I’ve taken it upon myself to teach the kids I see each day how to internally be respectful.
So…as this was happening…I began thinking about God…as I sat there being quiet waiting patiently…some of my students had the audacity to raise their hands…never mind that I wasn’t even able to say anything as a teacher and be heard…but they wanted to be heard. How often have I approached prayer in the same way…God is sitting there wanting to tell me something…and I’m rude enough to not bother listening and to actually cut in so that I can say what I want to say.
I’m praying today that I can be the person who wakes up in the morning…walks into the classroom of life with a pleasant disposition…picks up the supplies and resources I’ve been given, goes to the assigned spot that God has ordained in my life…and keep my eyes on Him so clearly that I know when to sing…when to stand…when to sit…I know when to breathe…when to get louder…when to slow down and speed up (I’m obviously using music metaphors but hopefully you get the point). I love having kids who come in my room and do what they are supposed to do each day without having to be told. I love having kids who go to their section and pay attention and as soon as they hear the warmups start they start…we don’t have to be told every direction do we?!? I love having kids who pull out the music and actually listen to the directions I give and then actually put those things into practice when we sing. I love having students who work hard to learn their part and often have everybody around them leaning on them musically to carry them. That’s what I want to be for God. I want to start the day with Him…to be content with the station in life He has given me…to use everything He has given me, to not be satisfied with mediocre but to give my best for Him everyday, I want to be in tune with Him…to receive His gentle direction and encouragement…I want my life to be a song to Him.
Silence is so hard sometimes…I had all of these thoughts at lunch today…and I knew that I shouldn’t blog about it…I hadn’t read my bible yet…but I blogged anyway…do you know somehow after a ton of typing all of my blog just disappeared…I have no idea what I pushed…but it was gone…and I was humbled to realize I had been like the kid with my hand raised up when I hadn’t even let God speak His piece yet. So…I went and read my bible…what I should’ve done in the first place.
I am in awe at God’s mercy and grace. I can tell you there are many times when I could really lose it when my kids at school or at home just won’t settle down and get quiet. I do it to God all the time…and often don’t think anything of it. And yet…He stays and waits. He could get up and leave…He could say enough…but He doesn’t. I hope that my life song is not spent on God trying to get me quiet…setting up circumstances to teach me how to be quiet…I hope that I can just get it like some of my students do. Those are the students that I will greatly miss next year when they move on to high school.
Tonight I did my talk for the 20 something ladies at our church…we had a nice dinner, laughed a ton…and a great devotional time, not because of me…but because their was a sense of openness…a certain level of getting real with each other. The topic of the evening was insecurity. I’m an expert on the issue:). I hope some of what I said…was useful to bind their marriages and homes closer together. I wish that I would’ve had more wisdom passed down to me when I was in my 20’s.
I’m copying in on this blog entry what I said tonight in that devotional…who knows maybe it will be something that means something to you as well. If not feel free to delete:).

When I look back on my twenties…one of the biggest things that I struggled with was insecurity. That may be unique to me…but more likely is probably a common struggle most women in their twenties must face. So…tonight I’m going to talk about that by using the tea cups that we used tonight for dinner. My life is like a tea cup…so is yours. I’m not a collector of tea cups, I don’t really know much about them except what seems pleasing to my own eye. But I do know this about myself…from the time I was a child even up through my twenties I think I viewed my life more like this (picture of a boring coffee mug). I think I saw myself as a plain old coffee mug type of person, one solid color…inexpensive…assembly line quality, and easily discard able. And truthfully I think I had a pretty decent home to grow up in.

I was the fourth of six children in a pastor’s home. I was the lower middle as I called it?. I was quiet, shy, and frankly by the time I had come through some of the mile stones…my parents weren’t phased too much by it as they had done all of it before…on top of that I had a hellion of a brother coming through the ranks just 16 months younger than me. I pushed myself to achieve wanting to stand out and be noticed. I had excellent grades, and was involved in all the right activities. And again I think my parents overall are wonderful people…but still I was very insecure.

I met Mark when I was 16 years old…we started dating, on and off again for six years before we married. Between the on and off times my insecurity probably just intensified. We were young…had much growing up to do. I married a man who was social and was energized by being with people…I tend to be the opposite. I dealt with a whole new level of insecurity when it came to marriage…I could give reasons why, but the reasons don’t really matter.

Bottom line I was always expecting others to fill my cup that I called life. In my thirties God has helped me come to a place where I believe that my cup…looks more like this (picture of a beautiful tea cup)…He’s helped me to step back, to gain perspective, to see the big picture, the journey…I was the beautiful tea cup all along…but I was too zoomed in on myself to notice. When we come to a place where we can finally see who God has made us to be…then and only then are we ready to actually live out the purposes that He has created us for.

In the world we live in, you can’t make it through your childhood, teenage years, early adult years without having some chips and cracks happen to your cup…hurtful words said, abuse, neglect, embarrassing moments, painful loss…sin. We live in a fallen world. Just picture a cup falling off a table…when it hits the floor it cracks…that’s how life tends to treat us. Some of us are better at landing on the shelf with only our best side showing…but guaranteed we all have our cracks.

For me those cracks involved insecurity, not being noticed and not feeling special. The only way that I could get to my purpose in life…which is to hold water…was to have my cracks healed so to speak. God is in the business of healing our deepest hurts, our deepest needs. Some of us…try to hide them, we’re embarrassed…so we only let the sides of us show that don’t expose the cracks. For me I’ve found great freedom in not being ashamed of my cup…this is the life I’ve been given…the scars I have…well they just show the goodness of God and His abundant grace in my life. When others see my cracks…my weaknesses and imperfections they tend to feel more comfortable about admitting their own. God wants to bring healing to our lives.

So I guess it’s like this…your life is like a cup…if you stay zoomed in on the details of life and don’t see your cup/life in it’s completeness you’ll never see the beauty that God has made in you. If you always only show your best side…afraid to show any cracks or failings…you’ll never receive the healing that only God can do. Bottom line…the whole point of having a cup is to be able to fill it with refreshment to drink. Once I can see who I am scars and all…and accept who I am…then and only then am I ready to be filled.

Tea cups can be beautiful and sometimes people put them on a shelf for decoration…which is fine. But our lives are not meant to be lived out that way. We are not like fine china that is put in a hutch and never used and only looked at. We are meant to brighten up the table of life everyday…we are meant to bring refreshment to others…we are meant to be so filled to the top with God that as we live and move throughout our day it’s impossible for God not to spill out of us and on to others around us. We are meant to serve a purpose, cracks and all.

When I looked into articles about tea cup collecting I found that many consider their tea cups to be prized possessions, they pass them down from generation to generation. How much more do we want our lives to be lived so well for God that our legacy is passed down from generation to generation? Our future is on the line…

Maybe before you can think about the future…maybe there are past issues that need to be dealt with…using a certain cup can trigger memories from the past…good and bad, maybe you need to experience the healing that only God can bring…Our past needs to be dealt with…

And for me often in the business of life…my present is what gets the short end of the stick. When you pull out the nice tea cups and sit down with your family or friends for a cup of tea or whatever you like to drink…you usually sit down, relax and soak in the moment…you are actually present in your present. How much more do we need to be living today…actually present in mind, heart soul and body rather than just physically present?

Tonight I want to have you take your tea cup home as a special reminder that your life has purpose…to get to that purpose you need to step back and see yourself for who you really are…(Psalm 139 puts it all in perspective for me…but maybe you have your own verses that speak to you)…you need to ask for and receive the healing and forgiveness that only God can bring…and then you need to be willing to not just sit on a shelf and show your best side…but to allow yourself to be picked up, moved, cleaned, dirtied, used, all for the sake of Christ. He is the living water…He wants to fill you to overflowing…and when He does then and only then will people around you, especially your own family…see God in you. Your life inside and out will be a thing of priceless beauty.

Off to bed…I’m tired, hope to have the necessary energy to get through another day tomorrow…
Love,
Ruth