The Jackson Family Online

Today I have the joy of doing special music with my two daughters. And for Lauren it will be her debut on the drum set. I sure wish her dad could hear her since she’s following directly in his footsteps. She has the added bonus of having drum lessons and is in band while he was self taught. But he would be so proud of her. She’s excited to play today. And I think that’s a good thing…when God gifts us in certain areas it’s alright for us to enjoy using those gifts. Lydia is going to sing with me while I play the piano. I’ll let you know how it goes. We’re going to church extra early…arriving by 6:45am ugh…to practice but we can always take a nap this afternoon.
Today is the end of our no shopping month…and we’ve made it, in fact it really wasn’t the end of the world:).
Forty days having nothing but water is a challenge at the moment…last night we were at Applebees and Lydia kept begging for tea or soda but we stuck with the water. We’ll make it…we’ve already made it through 12 days…what’s 28 more:). I told the girls by the time we get to our spring break vacation we wouldn’t even have to go anywhere it will just seem nice to drink whatever we want to drink and shop til we drop…:). They assured me that no we would still need to go to Florida.
We’ve been struggling with unkind words around our house lately. Part of it is done in teasing…but you know how it goes…one minute it’s no big deal and the next it’s a full blown out arguement. So…with the no shopping coming to an end, yesterday I told the girls that for the month of March along with the water thing…we are going to at least try having a month with no unkind words. I can tell that will be our greatest challenge yet. And the girls have already said…after this one mom…no more:). They won’t sign anymore “contracts”.
So right now we’re in the creative process where we’re trying to change some of our word patterns…we were being silly last night saying some of the things we might normally say but changing the word to be a compliment with the same first letter. If we act and say something kind even if we might not be totally feeling it I think the feeling will follow. The girls and I have a unique relationship. I know in my mind our relationship is so different because of it being just the three of us. Someday when it’s time for the kids start moving on it’s going to be especially hard.

Anyway…time to get ready for church…it will be a long morning, but a good one. I always enjoy going to church. The weather has been nicer lately and the girls are loving being able to play outside…which I love too as I’m in a nice peaceful house doing housework:).
Have a great day!
Ruth

It’s so nice to be to a Saturday again. I’m in those quiet moments before the kids wake up, ate my breakfast in silence…it was golden:).
This morning I read my devotional and it was about Esther. I love that story in the bible. Mordecai came and confronted her to stand up for the Jews and she said…something to the effect that it might cost her,her life because no one could approach the king uninvited and he says.
“Don’t think that just because you live in the king’s house you’re the one Jew who will get out of this alive. If you persist in staying silent at a time like this, help and deliverance will arrive for the Jews from someplace else; but you and your family will be wiped out. Who knows? Maybe you were made queen for just such a time as this.”
I found myself really thinking about that statement today…realizing that it means much more than what it meant in Esther’s story. What would represent the king’s house today…possibly the United States…and although our race/religion isn’t about to be massacred (although in some areas of the world Christians are being massacred on a regular basis) why would I think that it’s alright for me to go on living in silence because I’m relatively safe when their are people being killed/tortured/persecuted. I find it interesting that Mordecai says…if you persist in being silent…help and deliverance will arrive elsewhere…That’s the thing about God’s purposes, He chooses to use me if I’m willing…but if not He will find someone else or someother way to accomplish His purposes. The statement about you and your family being wiped out, reminds me that their are harsh consequences for disobedience. And Who knows…maybe we are where we are for such a time as this. I’m praying today that God will reveal any areas to me where I’m letting fear rule how I live. Any areas where I should be vocal and I’m persisting in silence. I’m praying to be used by God for such a time as this.

I do want to apologize…I try not to make to many sweeping judgements on this blog…I know it will come back to bite me. And yesterday I referred to the whole farmville thing. We all have things that we do that waste time…whether we stay at home or not may not be a factor…I was commenting on my own observations of who I see playing the game all the time when I go to facebook and the comments that I have to scroll through to get to the real messages. You might not observe the same thing I do. So I made a statement that might have been offensive to some. I think we all have to be constantly aware of how we spend our time. We waste it in huge amounts and it’s the only thing that we can’t ever get back. If we lose money…we can always make more. If we lose possessions we can generally buy more. But when we lose time…it’s gone, never to come back. And I find it interesting that God specifically talks about time in Esther…whether we realize it or not He is trying to accomplish His purposes through us…truly scary, kind of like handing over our most serious responsibilities to toddlers. It doesn’t make sense to me but that seems to be how God works. Each one of us has to work that out between us and God to realize what He has called us to do and to be prayed up and ready to do it. I do mindless things too…we all do from time to time…put together a puzzle…play a game of solitaire, read a book that is just for fun…see a movie or tv show that is basically just me checking out from the world for a couple of hours. We all have time that we fritter away. Yes we need time to relax and rejuvenate. The problem is in America overall we have more than enough of that kind of time. We have more leisure these days than probably any other time. More resources…more time…seems like maybe we’re here for such a time as this. Maybe we need a Mordecai to come and confront us with the truth that we have no business persisting in our silence…or their will be harsh consequences. Maybe I’m just a doomsdayer here…but that’s my thought on it all. And as I write this…I’m challenging myself. I’ll leave the rest of the conviction to come from God.

Today is an at home day for us. Time to clean up around the house, put winter stuff away, and drain the hot tub and refill. At least that’s my plan…always open to change if something else seems to be a better idea. The girls and I need to practice our special song for tomorrow as well…hopefully at the church.
Hope you have a great Saturday!
Love,
Ruth

HAPPY FRIDAY!! I am so glad to be to Friday and the day is half way done so that’s even better:). Another three day weekend…I love those, makes me feel like I actually get a break.
Last night Lauren and I started watching a dvd from the library called “Walking the Bible, a journey through the first five books of the bible”. I didn’t really think she would be that interested so I put it on for myself and thought the girls would probably do whatever they wanted to do…but she sat down and got mesmerized by it. The whole point of the show is that this man is literally going to each actual location of each story in the bible and putting the story in context with time and location and seeing how that effects his understanding of each of the big stories that happen in the first five books. It’s been very interesting, not in an entertaining kind of way but in coming to a better understanding of the bible. So far we’ve gone through the Garden of Eden, The Flood, and Abraham’s journey and the sacrifice of Isaac. Tonight I have a feeling we’ll finish it out. By 8pm last night I had to tell Lauren that we had to stop…I couldn’t stay awake anymore…just too tired. So we went to bed early.

I’ve been reading in my devotions this week about some characters in the bible that I’m a little less familar with…Ezra, Nehemiah, etc. which is interesting…not as predictable as the stories I know best. I’ve found myself relating to Nehemiah…I should read more…but from the snippets I’ve read it appears that he had a huge responsibility to rebuild the wall, and therefore rebuild the hope of a nation and all the while he had to deal with various issues that were plain out frustrating. He had to keep all the plates spinning at the same time so to speak. I often struggle in this area…It seems like I get one thing going well and then I realize that in some other area the plate is about to break so I run to it and spin it for awhile. It’s just hard to get everything in sync at the same time…budget…healthy eating, excercise, devotions, housework, parenting, teaching, friends, family, writing, etc. It can leave a person feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. And truthfully I think I’m a fairly organized person, on top of things…WHen you work full time and parent…you have to be, there’s no other choice. I’ll be honest…a pet peeve I have…and if this is you know that I still love you anyway…but I’m amazed at how many stay at home mom’s spend huge amount of times on facebook on what I think is called “Farmville” and then post crazy messages all day long asking other people to help them get fake animals and things for their farm. Obviously the whole thing must be fairly addictive as grown adults who i would normally think are rational…seem to be spending huge amounts of time on the whole thing…For me I can tell you…I have a hard time keeping the basics of life in motion and working effectively I definitely don’t have time for an imaginary farm. If you do…well…I’ll leave it at that.

The challenge for me to think about today in my devo’s was to think about the passion Nehemiah demonstrated for honoring God and what is one small new habit I could cultivate that would honor God in a particular area of my life. Something for me to think about. One of my latest things I’ve been doing since we’ve been on a no shopping month has been to pick up a gift card each week in the grocery store…it’s great they now have a huge selection to choose from…and to randomly try to bless someone that week with an encouraging note and a gift for a night out. I don’t do it unless I can think of someone that God brings to my attention…but I usually stand there for a moment and see if God speaks to me about it, puts a name in my mind and then if so…I pick one up. Lydia mentioned the fact that I don’t receive anything back…but I told her…that’s not the point…the whole point is for me to have the chance to bless someone else. And to honor God in the process.

We only have two more days of no shopping…it’s not as if it was a jynormous sacrifice and yet it was a different way of life for us. I was tempted a time or two to fudge a little…but can honestly say either I demonstrated a little self control or God closed the door for me which was good too. I have a feeling on Monday, we might go shopping, just for fun, just to break the fast…not to go crazy though. And we are on day 10 of just drinking water…yesterday Lydia and I had chinese for lunch and I knew it would seem strange as we would normally drink soda with that…but LYdia said to me when I asked her if it was difficult…”no mom…I just think about those kids drinking clean water and it’s really not that hard.” Ahh…so good to know the main point of it all has gotten through. We have 30 more days to go. It’s cheaper…it’s healthier…seems like a win win…something that we might very well continue to some degree even after the 40 days.

How is your season of lent going…have you given anything up? WHat is God teaching you during this time? I wonder…

Hope you have a wonderful Friday and a great weekend! This is the last night for our Snow Trees to glow in our front room…tomorrow they get put in the basement. A teacher at school told me today that we’re supposed to get snow for most of March and then the spring is supposed to bring terrible flooding…That sure puts a damper on things…I’m hopeful the weather man she listened to might be wrong…
Love,
RUth

I had a strange conversation with a fifth grade boy today at school. We were talking about him being in choir next year at middle school and the next thing I knew he was asking me with the most sincerity possible if it was ok that he liked my daughter (Lydia). I felt like he was asking for her hand in marriage or something:). I let him know that it was fine for them to be friends but Lydia wouldn’t be doing any boy/girl stuff until at least age 16. I got the impression that he would wait for her…ok probably not but he was sweet, all the same and I’m sure it made Lydia feel good to be liked by a boy even if no further action is going to occur.
Every once in awhile the girls have to experience other kids talking poorly about me at school…maybe I got on them that day and so the student is upset and so because they know they can’t get back at me any other way, or because they’re a coward…they say rude comments around my girls. It doesn’t bother me…but obviously it bothers my girls. One of the disadvantages to working in the same district as the girls. Today was one of those days for Lydia. I think she was ready to take down the girls throwing the insults…I wouldn’t put it past her. I can remember feeling some of the same feelings when my mom would substitute teach. Subs always get treated terribly anyway and I would always have a mix of joy and sorrow when my mom would sub for my class. I was happy to see her…but hated how the kids treated her. All normal life stuff.
We just got finished watching a travel dvd on Israel and Egypt and Lauren said “Mom that was the best one yet.” Kind of ironic as it’s the one that she’s not going to. She assured me that she was fine taking it in on video rather than in real life:).
The girls are actually playing outside at the moment…It feels like spring is coming…I can hear it in the breeze, smell it in the air…or at least I’m hoping!
Today I had one of those strange moments in choir…they were doing their normal whisper and talk every time their was any kind of a pause…and I just got to a point where I got tired of it…I waited and waited and just basically checked out for a moment or two and stood there and prayed for God to fill the room…I wasn’t sure what He would want me to do…the funny thing is that as it got quiet eventually I found myself using dry humor to narrate exactly what movements I was going to make in going to the Cd player to push play and then come back and direct. I narrated every footstep, every turn and they actually found what I was doing so bizarre that they were silent. I’m not sure that it would work again…but it was a unique moment for me today. I can remember one time when my brother Jim was sitting at the dinner table and we were all there and my mom kept asking him about somewhere he had gone, and Jim is not exactly a free sharing kind of person…or at least not all the time…and he got aggravated with my mom’s probing questions and so he went into this hillarious blow by blow account of his evening and it was absolutely hillarious…we laughed til we cried and we still talk about it today. He made the little sound of the car, every blinker sound, etc. and although it was more than mom asked for it sure broke up the monotony of the evening and made a memory that I’ll always cherish. Today in my classroom I felt that memory kick in…and decided to try it out with them…couldn’t hurt, sometimes you might as well try anything as what you’re doing is not working.
I’m so thankful that we are almost to the weekend and Friday is a lighter day for me. Praise God! I’m tired…ready for a break!
When I grow up…I want to be Rick Steves and travel for a living and tell about my travels…and write books about my travels…ok probably not but wow what a great job!
Have a good night,
Ruth

I didn’t write yesterday…and as I wake up this morning I’m finding that the sun is still rising just fine and life has continued to function:). I just didn’t really have anything great to say, didn’t want to enter…we took clothes to goodwill…went to the library…etc. seemed more like a destination and task day over anything else and I was just actually tired out and went to bed early. The good news is that when I go to bed early then I wake up in the night and I find that I have a few more hours to sleep and I rejoice and feel good. I hate it when I wake up 45 minutes before my alarm goes off…or worse yet 10 minutes. So anyway, all that to say here goes another day.
For me Thursday gets 20 minutes lighter in my schedule and then Friday is a little lighter so I’m on the down hill side of coming to the weekend and we have a threeday weekend ahead of us. We get Monday off for Pulaski day…it’s an Illinois thing.
Last night we worked on our special song for Sunday, the girls and I. We had a hard time figuring out the right song but I think we’ve got it now. Lauren wanted to play drums…so this is a whole new experience for us but I think she can do it…I guess on Sunday we’ll know:). It feels good to not only sing with my kids but to also be able to play with them musically. Last night when I listened to her on Mark’s drum set I knew he would be proud…or maybe better put…is proud. Lydia is playing the rainstick:).
We’ve kind of gotten into watching travel dvd’s lately…ok I know it sounds dorky but there all places that we’re going to go, so last night we watched a dvd about the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island which was very interesting and will hopefully make that trip this summer more meaningful. I also checked out some dvd’s on Israel and Egypt so I’m looking forward to watching those.
Tonight we have no big plans beyond Lydia’s violen lesson. And I think we have a fairly quiet weekend ahead of us. I need to drain the hot tub/clean and refill…it’s not too big of a job, just takes some time. And I need to take down snowmen stuff…I’m looking forward to that. And on Monday I have the joy of getting a crown on one of my teeth, I’m sure that will be exciting.

I’m thankful that February is almost over. I’m thankful that today is pay day. I’m thankful that we have no snow on the ground and spring seems like it might be just around the corner. I’m thankful that the weekend is almost here. Thankful that it’s a three day weekend!! I’m thankful for my two daughters…even with the ups and downs. I’m thankful I have a job to go to today that I seem to be suited for. I’m thankful to work and live in the same community…love the commute:). I’m thankful to be able to have my own two kids in my classes at school. I’m thankful that Mark’s mom sees coming to visit us as an answer to prayer. I’m thankful for things to look forward to. I’m thankful for a new start each day. I’m thankful for God’s love and protection.

Yesterday instead of typing I actually took some time to read back through where I’ve been on this exact day for the past four years. I don’t do it often, too time consuming, but every once in awhile I’ll go through old posts on the same date that I’m on today and I find it interesting to track my life and to so easily be able to see what I was feeling, thinking, concerned about, how I was spending my time and energy, etc. God’s been faithful in the past…He will be faithful to me today and in every day in the future…I’m thankful.

Love,
Ruth

It’s Tuesday…just in case you weren’t sure:). I’ve been in the process the last couple of days of narrowing down my soloists for the song “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough”…I need one boy and one girl and had 80 kids try out, a great problem to have…but definitely a process not totally unlike American Idol. I’m always amazed at how kids who sing for me individually have amazing voices, they sing out…I can hear them, in fact I’m often shocked by the sound I hear and end up asking them…”Do you sing like that when you’re in the regular choir group…” if not…why not…and please start.
Again…I think this truth has spiritual application…how many of us if we’re in a small enough group, or one on one…we can declare our faith, we can be strong, sing out…and yet when we go out in the world, our voices are barely heard…our life is barely noticed. We’re embarrassed much the same as a middle schooler is embarrassed to sing out in a choir class. What are we afraid of…afraid that we’ll make a mistake…just look at the Olympics…half the time someone is falling, wiping out, getting hurt…but they risk it all, that’s why they’re champions. Sometimes I have kids who don’t sing out because they just don’t “feel” like it…they come up with all kinds of excuses…my stomach hurts…my legs hurt (I always express my sympathy at how they’re going to feel when they’re 80 if their legs already hurt…a bit tongue in cheek:), I’m having a bad day…there’s an excuse for everything and I find myself telling them to shake it off and just do it, sing with abandon…think about the words, be passionate, communicate the mood, focus on dynamics, diction…so we can understand what you’re singing, even things as basic as posture or starting the song with silence…that can take some doing right there. All of this applies to us spiritually…how many times do we sing but no one can understand what we’re saying…(by sing…I’m referring to how we live), how many times do we make the Christian life look boring…no fortes and no pianos, no louds and softs. I guess that could lead into a whole other area of discussion…why do we pray for things to be one volume all the time…why do we want things to stay the same, be smooth. Talk about boring. I know in music…the dynamics are what makes a piece, the strong finish, the cut offs, and diction for heavens sake if we can’t live our life clearly before other people where they clearly see what we stand for…than we might as well never come out of our home…that’s like leaving all the “t’s” and “d’s” off of our words when we sing…I like to imitate the kids sometimes…sing how they sound, take on the posture that I see…they smile and laugh and realize…ok we do look a little silly here and she knows what she’s talking about. Maybe we need someone to do the same in front of us…look us in the eye and say…”hey…that song you’re singing…I can’t understand a word, and frankly you’re boring me to tears…the rhythms aren’t right…sounds off key…”

We need to wake up…

One of the biggest challenges I face everyday with choir is the lack of energy, the lack of focus…It’s school, we’re all there because we have no other choice…and we seem to take pride in looking as bored as possible. I could bring out the best song in the world…and if I let my kids all sing the melody they might sing it with energy and excitement. But come on…I need more than melody. Once they see they have to work for it…all of a sudden they’re distracted and unfocused. Imagine having to work for something…a lost art in our world today for many.

I’m a choir teacher as you can tell…and maybe none of this makes any sense to you…but for me…when I lead my choir…I see clearly how God must feel. Some of the crap I put up with or deal with on a daily basis is more than I can believe on some days. I’m sure God could amen that one, since He’s conducting the whole world. But I come back in the next day and go at it again…and I’m thankful that God doesn’t leave either…He keeps trying to get me to be the best I can be, filling me with Himself and less of me.

Ok…I”m done:).
Tonight is small group, otherwise not much which is great. Lydia was thrilled to find out that when she went to Youth Symphony last night she is now playing first Violen…a promotion from her normal second Violen. I was happy for her and it’s such a relief to see how easy it is for her to pick up on the music these days compared with the first year she did it and I sat by her music stand and pointed at every note as it went by so that she could keep up.

Hope you’re having a terrific day…Sing your song with passion…enjoy the dynamics…they make it interesting…make sure people can understand you and your life…or what’s the point, and keep in mind…the world needs to hear every part…not just the melody.
Keeping my eyes on the Conductor,
Ruth

This is one of those days when i feel like I’ve slayed a dragon and barely survived the whole ordeal. This morning I had the great joy of running back from my elementary school to the middle school to round up 300 kids to take yearbook pictures in a gym while a p.e. class was going on on the other side of the gym. It was a real thrill as you can imagine. The most irritating thing to me of the whole school experience most days is just the fact of how little people listen. I would’ve never dreamed of raising my hand and butting in before my teacher even got to start the class…but kids do it all the time. I’m amazed at the nonsense and foolishness I see everyday simply because people don’t know how to stop talking and listen.
It’s a scary truth that I’m sure we do the same to God all the time. I sure hope not…but for me my daily life tends to reflect spiritual truths that seem to apply and I have a feeling this one does as well. We all need to talk less…and listen more. Seems simple enough but it goes against everything we are naturally drawn to do.

Lydia is starting back up in Youth Symphony tonight so that will mean orchestra practices for her from 6-7:30pm every monday night for 6-8 weeks. It’s a great thing for her to be a part of and gives her a great experience to perform in.

We have a visitor to look forward to now…yesterday I could tell that Martha (Mark’s mom) was really needing a grandchild visit and I thought about sending the girls up someway somehow, thought I could possibly put them on a plane…but that would’ve involved a lay over and change of planes, wasn’t really wanting them to go through that alone…plus I realized it was cheaper to fly Grandma down here than to fly two girls up there. So…next weekend (March 5-8) Martha is going to fly down to see us for three days. I think it will be a nice pick me up for all of us. I debated about it…but after talkiing to Martha last night I knew I had made the right decision.

I hope your Monday was great…it’s over…maybe that’s what’s great about it:). OK i know that doesn’t sound real peppy but for me today that’s pretty much how I feel. I made it through! Now on to homework, dinner, music practice, and hopefully a couple of hours of down time.
Love,
Ruth

Happy Sunday. Yesterday I talked about things that we use to pick ourselves up. Things like shopping…soda, etc. Well today I did one of the things that I know always is a pick me up and one with no guilt involved. I went to church. I know for some maybe going to church isn’t a pick me up…maybe it feels like putting in time. If that’s the case then you know that either something is wrong with your heart or you’re not at the right church. Getting together with God’s people should be one of the greatest rewards we have each week.
This morning Ben and I sang “It Is Well With My Soul” by Selah and that was another wonderful pick me up. When I can sing full out, and sing a song that means that much to me…I can’t help but to feel lifted by it. Seriously when we sang the final verse today about the trump resounding…it felt like maybe we were going to experience it right in that moment. At least for me:). It’s a wonderful priviledge to use the gifts I’ve been given for the Lord.
In Sunday School today we talked about the Fear of the Lord, in relation especially with the ten commandments. It’s something that I’ve been thinking about lately anyway. The fear of the Lord being the beginning of wisdom. The reality that when we fear something or somebody we’re much more likely to be quiet and pay attention, to take notice. I notice it in my classroom…when students have some sense of healthy fear they know when enough is enough and they can get themselves under control. At other times when they aren’t afraid they can easily act like wild animals. With my own two kids one of my greatest laments about them not having their dad is simply the fact that they need a healthy sense of fear. Thankfully Mark was around them when they were in the critical years, the foundational years but even before they fully reach their teenager years I can see both the girls and I miss having the boundary line that Mark represented. And as a single parent it’s hard…hard to hold the line. As a friend put it this morning who also single parents…it’s really hard to play good cop, bad cop when you only have one person. Can leave the parent feeling a little schitzophrenic. Do we have enough fear of the Lord? I can’t imagine that we do. We all would talk about how things are so much more casual these days when it comes to God. We think of Him often in terms of being our best friend, our beloved, and clearly those images are part of who He is but definitely not the whole picture.
God is relational, and He wants to be intimate with us, He doesn’t want us to be afraid of Him in the sense of being so afraid we run away and don’t come close. I think He just wants to be respected. When I respect someone else I give them space in the relationship to speak, I am willing to follow their advice, their directions.

Somehow having the fear of the Lord to me feels directly connected to shutting my mouth and listening to God’s still small voice. And for crying out loud…me paying attention to what He’s doing every day. There is such a thing as healthy fear and it’s something I want to cultivate in my own life and in the lives of the kids I’m around everyday.

So…now I’m just waking up from a nap, it’s a rainy day, perfect napping weather. It’s starting to feel like spring in some ways. It’s muddy, lot of puddles and wet. I’m so eager to see the trees start changing, to see tulips start pushing through the ground. That’s still a ways off but I’m eager.
I keep reminding myself that we are 2/3’s of the way through the school year which seems amazing to me. One week of February left to go, seems like it was just yesterday that it was January. And I know the next three months will fly by.

I finished a book today written by C.S. Lewis step son about His step dad’s life. Very interesting to read what his life was like. I tend to see certain author’s names and think that their life must have been big and grand. But it’s generally the other way around for really great authors. They generally are given much writing material from the fact that life isn’t easy, and that they walked through some incredibly difficult things.
This week I’m reading a book about a Doctor named Ben Carson,(I originally typed Ben “Gates”…sorry) called “Gifted Hands”. It’s all about a single mom raising her two african american sons in the inner city of Detroit. Again highly motivational. True greatness seems to most often come through the fire. Gives me hope to keep going. Just because things may not appear like I would like them too…well that could very well be exactly the setting that God needed to develop Lauren and Lydia and Myself into the women that He created us to be. I don’t know what your life is like these days… but there is hope in knowing that God is in control even when we’re walking through a dark world.
Love,
Ruth

It’s now been 20 days with no shopping…and day 4 with just drinking water. We only have 8 more days to go with the no shopping thing and 36 to go with water. We’ll make it!
It dawned on me today that other people/teachers have commented this week on the girl’s “mopeyness”…and I feel it in myself as well. It might just be a seasonal thing…but I think a good part of it as well could be that we’re not getting our usual “pick me up” by running to the store. Or our caffeine pick me up by going to bread co. and ordering a frozen mocha, a café mocha, or having a soda. I find that in the absence of these things I start looking towards movies and books to pick me up, the only problem has been that this month movies that have come out haven’t been anything I’ve really wanted to see. And I already have plenty of books at home that I haven’t finished yet, so nothing new in that area.
Thankfully we can still eat normal food and we are…the almost empty container of Oreos testifies to that fact. Can’t imagine if we tried to take out chocolate or sugar right now…we’d probably go comatose or something.

My point of all of this is…it’s opened my eyes wide to the way in America we pay for pick me ups all day long, we have no problem throwing a few bucks here a few bucks there, think nothing of stopping for a drink whenever we feel the slightest bit thirsty…frankly I don’t even have to be thirsty to drink a café mocha or a hot chocolate. I found myself thinking today, talking to God and trying to listen to Him about what should be picking me up. I know the right answer…obviously God. But what does that look like, how does that work? That I’m still trying to process.
I wish more details were given in the bible…I try to look at Jesus life and see what picked Him up…and I’m not totally sure. I know He was generally with people, but had times of solitude and prayer. I know he didn’t do much shopping, or at least it would appear that way. I try to picture Jesus holding a café mocha and I just can’t quite get a clear picture on that.
It would appear that Jesus gave and gave and gave, and poured out of himself daily. I do see occasional times with friends, and it seemed like He enjoyed a good meal. Part of me wishes that I could just hang with Him for a day. Then I’m reminded…well Ruth…you do hang with Him everyday, He’s inside of you. But sometimes I guess I just wish He had skin on.

I think of people in other countries. The comment that was made after our church took a trip to Nicaragua was that they had church every night…it was something that probably “picked them up” to make it through their day. Here in America…we tend to use the computer, the tv, the mall, food and drink, we have more pick me ups than any other country and probably are one of the most depressed countries in the world. What does that say about us?

After the Ash Wednesday service this past week which we had to get up extra early for…Lauren said to me “Mom…I wish we did that every morning”. And I felt the same way. Maybe if it was everyday we would get tired of it or do it out of obligation. But the point was that being with God’s people, focusing on God, hugging each other, well it was a beautiful way to start the day and worth the extra effort and sacrifice. And yet in most churches today we’ve actually cut back on services and rarely have any midweek kind of thing. I do understand…I enjoy time at home as well. And then it becomes where you have to staff nursery’s etc. which turns the whole thing into a job. But what would happen if we did church like they do in other countries…more regularly got together for worship and prayer, scripture and the breaking of bread. We’re too busy…we all have out activities and we look at something like that as one more thing on the schedule to fit in.

Is there a way to exchange the artificial pick me ups for the real thing? And if so how do we do it? I’m not sure. Today I just sat on the end of my bed in the dark talking to God about it and trying to listen…didn’t hear a whole lot. Maybe my mind just wasn’t settled enough. I do know the verse “The Joy of the Lord is Your Strength” came to my mind. Maybe it was random…I’m not sure. But I found myself thinking about Joy…about deep joy…I am so quick to cover myself in cheap joy…a new outfit, a meal out, a dessert that’s delicious, a movie, a book, etc. That I’m not sure I recognize what the Joy of the Lord actually is.

I’m so used to living with all of my artificial pick me ups that I’m not even sure I know what life really is. I found myself today asking God to define what true life really is.

I found out this week that my neighbor’s son’s girlfriend got pregnant, had a miscarriage and now they’ve broke up and all this happened without me knowing anything about it. I said to her…wow you sure have been through a lot lately. I tried to imagine all of the ups and downs that situation would’ve created in their home. And here I live next to them and had no idea. I could’ve encouraged her, been praying for her, listened…but again what is real life? I tend to think of it as going to work, coming home, getting the kids through homework, lessons, dinner and crashing for a couple of hours before we do the whole thing again. But is that real life? Maybe real life would be me taking the time to initiate enough of a relationship with the people around me that I would be more aware of what they’re walking through and be able to extend God with skin on to them.

I was looking out the window today at my bare ugly dead looking trees and realizing that in the next month they will become beautiful again. They will get green and my flowers will start coming up again, I can’t wait. And I was thinking about life…I desire that God would bring spring to my life, true life, beautiful, green, and fresh. The tree really has no control over the whole process. It’s totally dependent on God for the soil, water, sun, etc. It just does what it does naturally from receiving what it needs from God. I wonder if there is some spiritual application for me as well. I can’t generate real life. I can’t tell my kids to get a real life (ok I’m tempted to think I can at times…but I can’t). Only God can bring real life, the abundant life, real satisfaction, real joy, and real peace. All I can do is plant myself in Him, and be open to His water and Sun that He pours down on me. Be open to the spiritual disciplines and hope and pray that they will bring about real life in me. Prayer, solitude, simplicity, worship, bible, fellowship, etc.

Soon we will be back to our normal life but I hope we are able to recognize the way we’ve used some of these things in the past to lift our spirits and to do less of it in the future…to have more control over the impulses that want instant gratification. I’m hopeful that we can dig deeper and discover a joy that has nothing to do with our world and everything to do with God. I want that to be more than an ideal, something to shoot for. I hope it can become more and more a practical thing, a way of life.

These are my thoughts on this Saturday when I would normally be running around, shopping, running errands, catching a movie…instead I think I’m going to go bake a chocolate cake. Thankfully, we haven’t given up chocolate!!

It’s Saturday morning bright and early. My favorite time of the week…the day is all before me and I’m not totally sure myself how it will be spent. But it will be spent in just a few short hours. I hope it’s spent wisely. Tonight the girls and I are going to the Dinner Theatre at church which will be a fun evening and gives us something to look forward to.

Last night we went to the library, one of the benefits of not buying stuff is that we’ve been forced to do things like go to the library for an outing. I discovered that Rick Steves not only has travel books, which I’ve already read through for the most part, but at the library he has travel dvd’s so I picked up three and last night I sat down and watched some of the places we’ll be going to which is really helpful to have some kind of mental picture in my mind. Ok, it’s not like you would want to watch hours and hours of it…but I think it will be helpful in small doses.

This morning in my devotions I read a Psalm that said “Publish His Glory”. it’s from The Message translation so worded differently than most bibles would read. But that phrase stood out to me…it feels like my marching orders in doing this blog each day. I’m trying in some small way to Publish His Glory. To tell of His Goodness to me and my family.

Friday nights are not a very good family night for us lately…we’re just too worn out and cranky to almost be in the same room with each other it seems…I hope today is better.
Have a great Saturday!
Love,
Ruth