The Jackson Family Online

For me today involved more dental work…and I seem to have a hard time getting my mouth to be numb enough…so that involved about four shots…not something I enjoy but at least it’s over for another day. Then we took Martha to the airport for her to fly home. we had a great weekend, it flew by, but we knew it would…something is better than nothing. She seemed to have her spirits lifted so I’m glad about that. we then came home and I watched a couple episodes of Gilmore Girls…I’m on Season 2, I admit it…I’m a little addicted…I now have all the season dvd’s so I should have a supply to hold me over for quite a while at this point.

My devotional this morning was about God’s silence. i’ve experienced moments when it appeared that God was silent…and at present I’m watching a friend go through the silence of God. It’s not fun watching somebody you care about hurting and not feeling like you can do much to help them. I’m not a person who enjoys cliches…in fact I pretty much detest them…but I got thinking about the poem “Footprints” today…I can honestly look back and see times when although it might have seemed that God was silent…in reality when I was hurting the deepest…He was holding me…carrying me, protecting me. It got me to thinking about my own two girls…I can remember a handful of times when they were really hurt, their cry was different…I knew they needed more than words and for a person like me that’s quite a statement…I knew they just needed to be held. my presence, my silence, my letting them pour themselves out was all they really needed. I could’ve tried to rationalize with them, and from time to time I’ve tried…big waste of words that’s for sure. I could’ve gone on and on about how much I loved them…but that would’ve just been like water running off a hard surface. When you’re really hurting at the deepest levels there are often no words. You’ve felt that way before I’m sure. Those moments when you look at someone and you know there situation and there are just no words…So…you hug them…you listen to them…you’re present…you provide basic needs…bring meals, etc. Mark and I went through a very memorable season of that from January through May 2007. People prayed for us…visited…listened…asked questions…took interest…brought us amazing comfort food…etc. But there really were no words to ease the hurt. I guess I’m just writing this today…because if you’re in one of those times when you feel like God is silent…I want to encourage you that I don’t think that means He has left the building. Or that He doesn’t care…Exactly the opposite…I think He is the ultimate comforter…and He won’t throw out trite sayings to give you peace…He won’t babble on and on and waste your time…I believe that when you are in the handful of situations in life when God appears to be silent…I believe that is when He is most near. That’s when He is literally holding you…stroking you…letting you cry it out…He lets you know that He’s weeping with you…that your hurt hurts Him because of His great love for you. He doesn’t necessarily have to do that with words does He. Sometimes we just need to be held. When my kids were little…when they were hurt, tired, discouraged, upset…etc. Mark knew when it was time to give them a break and swing them up on his shoulders. He didn’t spend time talking to them about it…he just reached down picked them up and sat them down and carried them. That image is in my mind today. God doesn’t play mind games with us…He’s not cruel, He doesn’t come and go based on the whim of the moment…He’s promised His presence forever no matter what. The only way we wouldn’t be in His presence is if we flat out refused it. But to those of us who are seeking Him…He is found. God knows when you’ve had all you can handle…He knows when you’re all cried out, when you’ve had a bad day, week, month, year…He knows when you’re broken and don’t know where to turn. If we wouldn’t walk away from our children when they’re hurt, tired, done in and needing help…how much more would God not leave the room.
I often find my prayers simply being reduced to praying that people will sense God’s presence. There is something inside of me that knows that if we can just sense His presence daily, moment by moment that will be enough. I love the verses in the bible about how God hides us under the shadow of His wing. For me that’s right up there with letting us sit on His shoulders. We’re safe, we’re given a rest…we’re moving forward even without realizing it.
I’m always amazed when I look back at Mark’s last days…I know I’ve written about this before…but again it’s on my mind…in the end for a wordy person like myself…there were very few words spoken. We couldn’t hug each other or lay beside each other…Marks surgery incisions were to great for that to occur and his pain to much. So I remember sitting across from him and him resting his forehead on my shoulder and me resting my head on his. Literally…not a word was spoken while we sat there for I don’t know how long. It was as if in that moment God picked us both up and put us on His shoulders and carried us the rest of the way.
There’s a whole lot of life we can handle…a whole lot of the journey we can take…we do our daily routine’s and for the most part we don’t have to be carried through those moments…the times when we need to be carried are the times when we literally can’t take the next step on our own. The times when we’re hurt. The times when life is more than a child should have to take. For those moments when we would be tempted to say God is silent and think that is a bad thing…i think the opposite is actually true…when God is silent…then I believe that I’m in His arms…and no words are necessary.
Just a thought,
Love,
Ruth