The Jackson Family Online

Day one run…
After blogging about running and facebooking about it in a brief way…I went to school and told my coteacher about it and talked to a few other teachers about it. It was interesting to me the response that I got. For the most part people are very encouraging…telling me of others who are running and having success and wish me well, but I did have a couple of people who were concerned about my safety…whether my joints could handle it, how hard running is on your body etc. I do know that running can be hard on your body so I don’t deny that…but I just found it interesting the response. Many so encouraging and some…pretty much almost trying to talk me out of it or to say…walking is good enough…why run. Now as far as the merits of either walking or running go I think both are good exercise…but it just hit me in an interesting way because while I’m physically running I’m also thinking about other life implications along the way. Every time I think of being in a race…spiritually speaking I’m finding the analogies just speak volumes to me.
I then went on Amazon.com and purchased several books about running…some about certain famous runners, some about how to become a good runner, and some just full of inspiration and great quotes. I wanted a good variety of reading material…so 18 books later I think I have a good start. I’m ready to read all about it and start taking notes.
The next step was to actually run…it would’ve been so easy to say…Lauren…let’s start tomorrow…but I knew I couldn’t. So we headed to the park…and our plan right now is to do one loop around the park walk/running, alternating at every end of a stretch. One time around for us was plenty tonight. We made it, which is good news. Lauren ran too hard on the first stretch and got a cramp but I’m proud to tell you that girl dug down deep and didn’t quit. she made it around the whole thing. Hopefully next time she can get a better idea of pacing…that obviously will come more with experience and maturity. It wasn’t a long run/walk…only 10-15 minutes. But I feel it…and I did it. For tonight that seems like a successful run. We’re going to try and do the same thing each day this week. For the next couple of days it’s supposed to rain so we’ll see how it goes…but everyday some way I want to run. It’s the discipline of it right now that seems important to me.

I liken this day to the start of my becoming a Christian…I’m in the race. Slow to be sure. I was only six years old when I became a Christian, at church camp in the camper/van that my parents used for family camp. My mom prayed with me. Honestly, I became a Christian because I was terrified to go to hell. Maybe not a terrific start…I’m sure I didn’t really know what I was getting in for…but none the less it was a start. And I feel that way today…I know I don’t know what I’m doing running…I know when I passed other people going the other way tonight I wish I didn’t have to breath so hard like I was about to have a heart attack. But at the same time…I ran and I’m in the race. Initially that’s good enough. It’s not where I want to stay…and surely I hope to do more than a loop around our park but it will come. I’m reminded too that encouragment from others does wonders. And discouragement deflates. I hope that I’m an encourager. I’m reminded that being in the race isn’t necessarily going to be an injury free experience…you never know. And life is the same…but I don’t want to do it half way…I want to go all out physically and spiritually, holding nothing back.
That’s where I am today:).
Ruth

I type this blog somewhat hesitantly which is very unusual for me. I have no idea why today is different…it’s a cumulation of many things. But it is different. I’ve felt for a long time now that I have a runner inside of me…just waiting for the optimal conditions or something…but just haven’t followed through with it physically. I read comments on facebook almost daily about people who just ran 10 miles etc. and I find myself in awe. For some reason…today is the day…I’m going to start running, it may be one block, I may be bent over on the side of a street gasping for air but it’s time I can feel it. I also spiritually felt it this morning as I did my devotions and read about the four men lowering the paralyzed man through the roof to be healed. It took on greater significance to me today for whatever reason. I also had several other random thoughts milling about in my brain. But the point is this…I debated as I taught this morning…do I go public or not. Part of me is terrified to do so because I might be setting myself up for failure. What if I quit, what if I don’t endure…what if I don’t stay motivated. In running I can tell you side by side I’m writing my first book…ok I’ve written a lot of stuff over the years…but today not only do I sense that I’m committing to run…I’m committing to a marathon of writing a book. My time table at present is that it will be ready in three years…if I have to publish it myself I will. So…I’m going to start running and blog about it…what I feel, what I think about it…how it changes me physically etc. And I’m going to start reading and researching, interviewing other runners, etc. I want to know the basics of running…I want to learn all about it, read quotes of famous runners, I want to interview people who I know running is a part of their daily life and then as you can guess I want to search the scripture in pursuit of verses on running/racing. I feel a book in me…
Already I feel a little frustrated about it and am having to throw that off. I want to say…ok now I’ll just quit my day job and focus solely on this endeavor. Wouldn’t that be nice. But very unrealistic. I can’t quit my day job. And maybe the first lesson for me is to know that we run the race regardless of the conditions. Have you ever seen a person running out in the freezing cold or the rain and wondered how crazy they must have to be to be doing that…well that’s going to be me, and on other levels it already is. Who of us really does have ideal conditions when you think about and if we wait for ideal conditions then we’ll never start. So…I’ve got to set that aside immediately.
It’s funny I can already picture the chapter titles…and so many things are snapping around in my brain but I feel like I need to put in the time to run myself and to read and research and learn this next six months just so I can actually have the background I need to write this. So that’s my plan…I’m starting a marathon…maybe on many levels. I think the main character quality I’m going to need over the long haul is endurance. I’m going to make every effort to put one foot in front of the other physically and figuratively. I will appreciate your cheers from the stands, the occasional cups of water along the way and I could very well have a few blisters or injuries come, again physically and figuratively. But that’s all part of racing isn’t it.
I’m going on record here…a little scary. I’m entering the race…today is day 1. And I’m hoping that my oldest daughter will join me. Praying that she will. This could be life changing for both of us.
I have no idea where this will all lead…nothing may change radically…but still I feel that it’s something I need to do. I’m ready for the runner and writer in me to come out and be seen. This is a radical year for me…I’m turning 40 and I can see so many changes in me…the best is yet to come.

If you get bored of reading about my daily runs then I apologize in advance…I have this terribly sensation that I’m boring you or telling you more than you want to know…but that’s what I will probably be writing about. If you want to join me in any way…or if you are already a runner then please feel free to throw encouragement my way and I will do the same for you. I sense that running alone will not work for me…I’m going to need help.

So…day one…pros vs. cons.
I wonder if my body can handle running…
I wonder if it will feel like I’ve just thrown another plate into the air and what if it crashes and I can’t keep it spinning…
I wonder if I can endure…

I’m excited to start…
I’m enduring in every other area of my life so why not this area…
I don’t have to run any set distance…I will do what I can for this day.
Running could actually bring greater balance to the many plates that I spin everyday…imagine that:)

Ok the pros outweight the cons:).

Look out world…here I come,
Love,
Ruth

Today in my imaginary world of having a choice of two parrallel lives of Ruth if I had a choice I would sit down and write a book about racing…I feel inspired, in fact I’m afraid I’m going to lose the thoughts in the crush of life today. Writing is one of those things that comes at the moment. But I don’t have time right now. I’m actually in the race so I can’t sit and write about the race. The irony of it all:). But I feel thoughts and ideas simmering today…I’ll blog more later today I’m sure. For now…I’ve got to start putting one foot in front of the other and get going…I have miles to cover today.
Have a great day running your race.
Ruth

It’s Monday morning…I’m sitting here at my computer…for the first week of school it was daylight at this time but already the days are getting shorter so it’s starting to feel like I’m getting up in the middle of the night again. I hate that feeling. It’s supposed to rain today so maybe that’s part of the reason it’s still dark out too. I’m having my Monday morning dread…I’m trying not to really. I just think of the coming week…the classes I have today and wow I’m feeling some dread. I know the days will fly by…I count on it really. But then I think…what kind of life is that…just hoping and counting on the days to fly by. Is that just reality? Maybe so. So…I’m doing a little mental transport today. After watching Eat Pray Love over the weekend at the movies I thought I would try a little meditation this morning…clearing my mind of everything…what a joke! I couldn’t do it for even five seconds. I guess you have to work up to that level gradually or something or maybe you really do need to go to India:). So instead I’m trying to picture the other Ruth…the one who’s at a quaint cabin on a lake today, enjoying a beautiful day, drinking a cup of coffee and reading the paper with no cares in the world. The one who just basks in the glow of God and has no headaches. I guess what I’m saying is I’m picturing heaven…and trying to picture life there so that I can make it through what my life really is like today.

I’m grateful…not complaining…just dragging on a Monday morning knowing that this week is going to be a full/long one for me. I’ll go take some ibprofen…eat some breakfast, maybe that will help things to start looking up:).
I think the rain today expresses how I feel…we do need rain…and it’s alright to have days when we feel dark and gloomy. I’ll be alright.
Ruth

I’m tired today…tempted to take a nap but know that I’ll regret it later if I do. Makes for a late Sunday night and then a tired girl on Monday morning. The kids are laying down for an hour, I’m in charge of waking them up so…I’m killing time on the computer. I do that a lot truthfully and obviously from the looks of facebook I’m clearly not the only one. It’s easy to sit down and lose all track of time. Sometimes I wonder what my life would look like and what my home would feel like if all electronic devices were turned off…I haven’t quite been able to bring myself to do that yet…maybe at some point.

Tonight we have a potluck dinner at church and then a baptismal service…good things to look forward to. That’s important to me…if I have things to look forward to then I can make it through whatever I’m dealing with at the moment. No wonder God set heaven in front of us…it keeps us going, gives us hope in our daily grind now.

Today in Sunday school we talked about Jonathan and David, quite a remarkable friendship they had. I miss having a best friend and I wish I would’ve been a better best friend to Mark while I had him. So many things I would do differently at this point if given a chance but that’s not how life goes.

This week for me is another normal looking week…school everyday, nothing big going on otherwise which is kind of nice. Next weekend it will seem nice to have a three day weekend! I love those, I always feel so much more refreshed when I have a Monday off. It also feels good to know that finally everybody else will be back in school. I comfort myself with the fact that by the time you all go back in Michigan I will have already put in three weeks towards next summer:). This week it’s time for us get more serious about getting into the music at school…time to start preparing the kids to learn music for their program…time for me to start feeling that monkey on my back. This is my last week with no honor choir…starting after labor day I will be back to before school choir three mornings a week. I dread the lost sleep that will involve.

Today in the girls sunday school class they talked about the economy…kind of funny really as I’m not sure too many middle schoolers are that up on it all or even care…but I guess some would if it’s effected them directly as in a parent being out of work. This led into an end times conversation somehow which led into the kids in the class expressing that they were scared, etc. Lauren told me that she didnt’ say anything…didn’t seem worth getting into. But when I asked her about it on the way home she said she’s trusting that God will provide her needs. And I reminded her and myself that frankly we really don’t need all that much to live. I am so thankful that she gets it…she understands that we’re supposed to trust God and that God is trustworthy. If we don’t teach that concept, if kids don’t see it firsthand then that’s when they’re afraid. Praise God most of life does not rely on me working it all out:).

Anyway…maybe I’ll go read a book…or who knows, maybe I’ll go fall asleep. It’s good to be home.
Love,
Ruth

This weekend I finished a book called “The Year of Living Biblically…One Man’s Humble Quest to follow the Bible as Literally as Possible” by A.J. Jacobs. It’s a New York Times Bestseller book so I just wanted to see what he discovered/decided about God and the bible. Obviously there was a lot of wierd stuff in it as he tried to literally follow every law and direction in the bible. As you probably know there’s a lot of wierd stuff, especially in the old testament. Certain garments to be worn, certain foods to eat and not eat, sacrifices, etc. The author is Jewish but was raised in a secular fashion so he started out the year being agnostic. I would like to tell you that by the end of the year he became a Christian, but by the end he was still agnostic…but a “reverant agnostic” believing that life is sacred and that their is a spiritual component to life that can’t be denied. As I read the book I found myself wanting to tell him that it’s not about the rules and the laws. It seems so often that people think Christianity is all about the rules and laws. They miss the fact that it’s about a relationship. He visited a wide range of churches/denominations and beliefs and even made a trip to Israel in the process. The book just again showed me what holds some people back from coming to God…and showed me that even though coming to faith for me was fairly easy and natural it’s not for everybody.

Then I got on facebook tonight and read an article that our Assistant Pastor had posted on his page about youth. It pointed out that many of our youth are Christians in name only but it really means little to them or when asked about there beliefs they don’t know how to communicate what they believe or why. The youth who seemed strong in their faith had four traits…they could tell their God story, they were tied in closely with a community of faith, they know they have purpose and that they have hope for the future. SO…you can guess what I did after reading that article…It was dinner time so…I asked my kids about these areas. I asked them if they thought they would continue on in church when they were adults to which they said…”of course”…they love church. I asked them if they felt that life had a purpose and that they have hope for the future and they again said a resounding yes. However…when I asked them to put their God story into words that came much harder. SO…it was time for me to go water my flowers outside so I had them sit down and write their GOd story out to tell me when I came back in. I admit I didn’t ask them to do this…I basically told them like it was an assignment…I did put in an incentive…we would go for ice cream when they were through. ANyway…

Lydia who is younger and doesn’t like to put a lot of thought into these kind of things tried to get by with two sentences…two very generic sentences…so I sent her back to the drawing board. Lauren on the other hand had written out what she believes and why and it was actually pretty well thought out. So then I started role playing with her…asking her tough questions to see what her response would be. Things like “if GOd is so good and loves you then why did your dad die?” or “How do you know all of this isn’t just made up…how do you know it’s true”…”How do you know God loves you”…Have you ever heard God’s voice…etc. I wasn’t mean about it but I wanted her to have to answer some tough questions. And I’m happy to say…she could answer them. I asked her if it’s o.k. to have doubts..or to question…and thankfully she knew that was o.k. too. I’m so thankful that Lauren is making her faith her own. I’m realizing that she is praying with God much more than I realize which is awesome. And she’s tied into church/youth group and is doing her devotions. I asked her if being a CHristian is easy or hard? I asked her what happens when we die. I asked her if God is loving how could he send anybody to hell…I must have asked her 20 probing questions and she stayed in there and thought through them and had an answer…not some answer I had told her in advance, but her own answer from her own thoughts…Yeah!!

Lydia was not in the role playing mood and frankly sometimes I try to do things with her that go better with Lauren. They are on two different levels maturity wise in some areas. However I still didn’t let Lydia completely off. She talked alot about faith…which is true…we do just have to believe but I wanted to give her some hooks to hang all that faith on…or otherwise the first doubts when she’s older might completely rock her world. We talked about how we can know the bible is true. We talked about how even the demons believe in God…that it’s more than that. We talked about the wind and how it’s like God…you can’t see it but you can feel it and see the effects of it.

Anyway…I think that’s probably something that needs to happen more with our youth. I mean they can talk about just about anything else. Lauren could give me a complete book report on Disney World at the drop of a hat. Lydia could tell me the track number, song title, quote the lyrics for thousands of songs…and yet how often are kids not able to put what they believe into words. We all have a story to tell and I want my kids to know how to put it into words so they’re ready when the time comes.

We did eventually get to the ice cream store and it worked out perfect because Peter and Stephanie, Todd and Sarah…all people from our church had just arrived so we had the blessing of having good company and good ice cream. Perfect timing.

It’s been a good day off. Looking forward to church tomorrow and some time at home.

Tell your God story to somebody…tell them what you believe and why…practice what you would say or do if somebody wanted to become a Christian…think through your faith…if someone asked you the tough questions…why bad things happen to Good people..etc. what would you say. I think it’s our job to think through those things. I am so thankful tonight that my faith in God is not about rules or laws…it’s about relationship. I wish the rest of the world could see that.
Love,
Ruth

Last night the girls and I stayed at the Hampton Inn in Fairview Heights. My car was being worked on at Saturn down the road so it worked out nicely. Funny thing…when I went to check in at the hotel I was told that I had been selected randomly just that morning to receive their gift of the day. You get a snack bag and a chance to upgrade your room for free so that was kind of a nice surprise:). The girls and I had a wonderful meal at Olive Garden where we all ate way too much:) and then we went to see the movie “Eat, Pray, Love”. I’ve picked up the book a couple of times at Borders thinking that I might read it but always end up setting it back down. I had a feeling that I would enjoy it though…a woman leaving everything behind, traveling the world…finding herself in the process…trying to find God. Ok those are all themes that I can appreciate. I love movies that are set in other countries…it’s like I got a chance to travel without having to pack my suitcase or ride an airplane. This one was set in Italy, India and Bali. The Italy part was easy to recognize for us…in fact Lauren was whispering to me during the movie noticing things in the background that we have seen. The india part…well that confirmed for me once more that I really have no desire to ever go there…Bali looked pretty nice:).
For me personally…I have something in me that is attracted to leaving it all…adventure…traveling…writing…expanding my view on life, etc. I realize not everyone is made this way. Most people like to be around there home and I do like my home too…but I love to go away too. There is nothing like the feeling of hitting the open road for me. It’s very freeing. I talked to the girls last night about when they are adults someday if they see me traveling by myself…how would they feel about it. Lauren was concerned saying to me…mom I would wake up everyday and throw up until you got back home because she would worry about something happening to me. Truthfully…she’ll be busy enough in her own life that I don’t think this will be a problem, but it was interesting for me to see how concerned they might be. I did tell them…I can see myself someday when it is just me maybe going away in the summer for a month or two…actually rent a place and just step out of life so to speak. Who knows…maybe not, but I’m open to it. It doesn’t scare me to travel alone, truthfully I think it would be easier than what I already did this summer with two kids in tow.
Lauren made the comment to me that she thinks it would be fun to back pack through Europe someday…ahh…the experience did soak in.
In the movie the Italy portion was the part focused on food…and on the ability to be content doing nothing. It’s such a foreign concept in America…I mean you work hard and put in the extra hours or you’re headed to the bottom here…if you sit around and do nothing you’ll fast be homeless. But it’s true…in Europe I often wondered when people actually work. People were sitting outside eating everywhere you went…no hurry…in fact it would seem like I would wait and wait for the bill to come, not like here where even before you’re done they bring the bill so you can move on faster. I’ll never forget that night walking through Munich on the way back to our hotel…it was a Sunday night and I swear everyone in the community was outside, not for a planned event…just to sit outside and relax together, old men playing chess, kids playing on playgrounds, people eating, dogs being walked, etc. It was incredible…Here in America we would be sitting in our homes watching tv. Hmmmm…
In the movie she goes through some strange processes trying to find peace…in India she goes to see/worship some lady guru person, that part was all strange but the practice of meditation…I think that could be a good thing, the practice of emptying one’s mind…I think that could be good. So there was good stuff there I just had to filter through it a little.

Anyway…we’re back home, time to do a little housework, but I’m not going to go over the top…just the basics and then some time outside, it’s a beautiful day. I’m thankful to be alive.
Love,
Ruth

There are moments in teaching when I feel like I’m in the “zone” and today feels like one of those days. Where the right mix of content is mixed with relationship. And I’m developing a great atmosphere in my classroom…it’s a place where individuals can share no matter what group they fit into and feel safe. Today in choir we finished introductions where the kids told their name, grade, and told about a significant person or event in their lives and it was great to get to know them better. I heard kids compliment their parents and talk about their best friends, I heard about summer travels and moving to different locations and about loss. And every time someone spoke in class today there was never a put down, never a whispered comment, or even a mean look. My room felt like it had the presence of God in it…because it did:). To dismiss today I called each student by name…that may not sound like a big deal…but when you see the amount of kids I see…knowing each child’s name is a huge accomplishment especially only one full week into school. Who doesn’t like to be called by there name. Felt good all around. And then add on the fact that today is Friday and I have to say it’s a great day to be alive!

After school my kids and are headed out for a night away. THe girls will do a bunch of swimming I’m sure, and I’ll probably dip a time or two but spend more time actually reading a book:). The weather lately has been so nice…my flowers look beautiful.

We had been debating if we were going to do anything for spring break or not this year. Ideally Lauren would love to go to Florida and do the Disney thing…it never gets old for her. But I’m trying to keep costs a little lower than that…so yesterday on facebook I noticed someone wrote that a new American Girl store is opening up in Kansas City…and I started to think about it a little. There is a Great Wolf Lodge in Kansas City…the girls love to swim…Lydia would love American Girl and since it’s in a mall that would please Lauren and I as well. So…I started talking to the girls about going to Kansas City for spring break this year…It doesn’t have the exciting ring that FLorida or the ocean have…but it’s only 3 hours away, relatively low stress and a whole lot less expensive so we’ll see. Lauren isn’t quite convinced yet…Lydia heard American girl and said yes immediately:).
Anyway…hope you have a great weekend!
Love,
RUth

The girls and I are packing our backpacks up tonight to go away tomorrow night. Not far mind you:). I have to take my car in to be worked on this weekend all day Saturday and since we only have one car…well I decided I would take it tomorrow after school…have the car dealership drive me and my girls to our hotel and we might as well have a night away with a swimming pool. Plus…otherwise I would’ve had to try and arrange transportation down and back a half hour each way with someone else. I know it’s not a big deal and yet everybody is busy and I just didn’t want to bother anybody. So…I think it will be a fun night away. relaxing from the stand point that when I’m away from home then I don’t have to think about what might need to get done at home:).

Another week is fast flying by. Amazing to me! Next week we start into real music with my choir kids…the adventure begins. So far we’ve just worked on sight singing, warm ups, and other basic stuff. It appears that I have a great group of kids this year which makes me very happy! Our first song to work on in 7/8th choir is “This Little Light of Mine”. I love it when we can sing those kind of songs and basically sing Jesus into the room:). I know a lot of the kids might not know what the words are about…but enough do that it makes it meaningful.

Hope you have a great day. I’ve received really great compliments from teachers and staff around my girls this year already and that sure feels good. I think my girls are great but it’s nice when I’m not around to find out that other people think so too:).

Love,
ruth

I turn 40 in about a month (sept. 30 to be exact) and I’m amazed at how much I’m actually looking forward to it. I grew up with this idea that hitting forty was a terrible thing. People went around saying they were 39 years old every year for years on end just to avoid the 40 mark. I feel completely the opposite. Where my 20’s were marked by insecurity…and my 30’s marked by loss and overwhelming life…I actually feel like my 40’s might be all about being free. Free to be who I am. The p.e. teacher today at school was telling me that she remembered turning 40 and really felt that those were wonderful years…you stop caring so much about what others think. I would agree. In celebration of that fact you will probably notice when you see me over this year gradually that I’m letting my hair go natural…I have way more grey than most 40 year olds have (but how can we really tell since most women color their hair:). I’ve just decided I’m fine with it. In fact Lauren told me this summer that she thought it would be fine since she saw some other ladies who are active and youthful that have grey hair in Europe. Once she said it I thought…”yeah…I’m gonna do it”. I can already tell things in my life are more in balance as of late. I talked about the plates spinning about a week ago but honestly…this year so far I think I’m letting the right ones fall to the ground and with God’s help keeping the right ones going. We’re eating at home more…I’m living within a budget…planning ahead, having short term and long term goals. In my career I feel like I’m just hitting my stride…always have more to learn but I feel confident in who I am as a teacher.

In this next decade it’s sobering to realize that I will become an empty nester. Wow…that sounds crazy! But by the time I turn 45 Lauren will be in college with Lydia following close behind. They’re becoming more independent all the time. In fact on Wednesday nights now Lydia goes with her group of friends to “Missionettes” a local church program and Lauren is at youth group so I’m home…with an evening to myself. We are thoroughly enjoying being in school together this year. They’re getting more involved with school all the time. Lydia just got accepted into an honor orchestra group at school called “THe Jazzios” and they even get to perform on the state level at our state music conference in January which is quite a nice honor. Lauren is hoping to be on the tech crew for the musical this fall at our school. They’re taking piano lessons from me…Lydia continues on in violen lessons and possibly Lauren in drums if her teacher gets an opening. They’re both in choir and in honor groups there too.

Anyway…it’s fun to talk to the girls already about birthday plans. I appreciate the fact that they want to make it special. It’s not as if they just have resources to go do stuff without involving me but they’re trying to plan something special. They’ve asked me several times where I might like to go out to eat…for some reason I told them Josephine’s a local restaurant in town here…it’s just something that’s one of a kind and sounds good to me right now. They know that I’m interested in a “nook” from Barnes and Noble for my birthday so I told them to talk to Lori about it and get the details:). I also told them that most of all I just would love it if they wrote me a poem, or a song…a nice letter…or a painting…something that expressed their love to me. Who knows what they’ll come up with but I know it will be good:). They are such wonderful children. And I’m so grateful that as the years go by and my hair turns grey…even if I’m alone and they have their lives more and more I know I will always be able to count on them and take great joy in the years ahead.

I have no desire to be 20 again…or even 30. Don’t miss it for a moment. I love right where I am, right now. I have a feeling that for me age is going to just make things sweeter until I go home.

Anyway…on this night when I have some time to myself those are my thoughts:)
Love,
Ruth